DH is saying it's my fault our baby is sick in hospital

[aquarius100]

My 4 month old had a cold last week which has developed into bronchilitis. She has it quite badly and has been struggling to breathe, not feeding and non stop coughing. For these reasons she's been admitted into hospital. It's all been very stressful.

DD and I attend 2 baby sensory classes a week and on the days we're not at classes, I like to get out and about and take her for walks or go shopping, so we're not just sitting in the house all day. DH has used this against me and is saying that I need to stop all these classes and "stop carrying her around everywhere like a handbag" and is saying that this is the reason she has become ill. I have been really emotional over the fact she's in hospital and him guilt tripping me is just sending me over the edge. Have I been taking the baby out too much? I thought it is normal for babies to get coughs and colds and it builds up their immune system.

No, you’ve not taken the baby out too much. This no one’s ‘fault’. Babies get sick, their immune system isn’t developed yet and it’s that time of year where kids catch everything. My son ended up in hospital over the summer with a chest thing, it happens.

Key thing here is does your husband have form for being a prick or is he just scared because having your child in hospital is a frightening experience?

It’s not your fault at all. My DS was admitted to hospital with bronchiolitis as a baby during lockdown, so no baby groups to attend to catch stuff from. Babies are vulnerable and can become unwell quickly, it’s nobody’s fault it’s just something that happens. You’re a good mum because you recognised your baby was unwell and made sure they got the medical attention they need, hope they’re better soon and I hope your “D”H offers a grovelling apology.

Your husband is an ill-informed, nasty cunt.

I’m not excusing his behaviour I’m explaining. He copes by throwing blame about, she copes by coming on MN and discussing her personal relationship with strangers while her child is in hospital.

There is a much bigger issue here which is a sick child. This is a parenting forum not a place for you to to get triggered when you read an option that differs to your own thought process.

This sounds like a normal amount of activity to me!

He's being a twat. I only hope that this is a result of being sleep deprived and stressed and not his normal behaviour! Babies do get poorly and many do end up in hospital with bronchialitis at this time of year...it's not uncommon as they build up their immune systems.

@aquarius100 colds are a virus. How does your rotten partner know for a fact that she caught the virus during one of your perfectly normal trips out and that it wasn't him who brought the virus in to your home from all the people he deals with at work?

His insistence on blaming you is disgusting and controlling. There are probably dozens of red flags in this relationship so you should seriously put your foot down and take back your power.

A kind, reasonable partner would never say such a mean, untrue thing to a new mum. Tell him that until he becomes a qualified virologist, he should keep his nasty opinions to himself and not try to pull you down when you are vulnerable.

Take your baby out as often as you like. Your instincts are spot on, it is normal and healthy. You sounds like a great mum and babies get sick which is not something you can pass blame for.

What an absolute raging cunt your husband is.

I hope your lovely baby gets better asap, and you get rid of him as quickly as possible. Nasty little man he is.

Do not have any more babies with the abhorrent man.
You are not at fault as many on here have told you.
When experience speaks …. listen to the other mums.
Sending hugs to you and baby. Get well soon Baby.

It was the post stating that your H is a fucking bastard that nailed it.

Sit him down and tell him just because you're a living, breathing person in the same room he is doesn't give him the right to treat you like a garbage can for all his uncomfortable emotions - anxiety, fear, concern for the baby, etc. Tell him you expect a sincere apology for his cruel words.

Listen carefully to his response. It will tell you a lot about him and how he sees the power balance in the relationship.

Can't add more to that!

Haven't read thru all the pages on this thread, but as someone who went through a sick baby episode, lean on a friend or relative, your own mother can be great (or terrible , depending) as it sounds like he's not stepping up as a dad, blaming you. No excuse for that.

You can bring this up with him later, for now, just forget him and focus on baby getting well. I'm sure you'll have baby home soon xx

Firstly Im so sorry that your dear baby is in hospital, my dd1 had the same on Boxing Day aged 4 months, was admitted to hospital and can understand your worry and stress over this.

Your dh is lashing out as stressed but thats no excuse, there is no way you keep your baby inside not to get this, its a bit like saying you got a cold so stop socialising.

Hoping your baby recovers swiftly.

When things have calmed down he needs to apologize.
l lost both DC once. Was a total accident - we missed each other on a path. DH got very cross. Blamed me etc. He apologized later.
If he doesn’t have form for this kind of behavior it’s likely he panicked and lashed out.
unacceptable of course but resolved by a sincere apology
Babies are a bit like handbags. You can take them most place and broncilitus is very common this time of year.

I have a picture of me in my pram in the garden, (mid 50s) swaddled in blankets, wearing a cute knitted cap and looking very pissed off.

They still do this in Denmark

Horrible of him.

However if she had a tendency to bronchiolitis then it may not be great for her to be with lots of other children during the winter. The consultant vetoed nursery for my child after we had gone through similar episodes. So he may have a point that it's not necessarily ideal for your child but he is not being decent about it.

Best wishes for a quick recovery.

Nothing wrong with fresh air though!

What's he gonna do when baby has to go to school? He doesn't know what's coming

My grandson is nearly 2 and has several louts of bronchiolitis every winter. One of my daughters friends child has it every winter. Some babies are just more prone to it

I went out all the time...better for mums mental health...I had a baby group ever day I attended...DD was rarely ill but you expect some illness. You done nothing wrong. Your husband is being vvvvv nasty. Hope DD is better soon x

I she prone to this blame game? Or is he very stressed and lashing out?

Either way it's unacceptable.

If it 's the 2nd, I am hoping he will show remorse and apologise. We've all said stuff we didn't mean when we're stressed.

She also needs to watch out for RSV which is a nasty very contagious virus babies get - usually under 6 months old. It can require hospitalisation just so they can be fed through their noses as the mucus in their wee tubes is too thick for the food to get past. It's easily dealt with but there's a lot of it about in the winter.

Omfg ladies, we’re talking about someone’s husband, father and a son. Calling him bastard because he’s worried about his daughter with no context at all. Who hurt you all like that? I think OP needs to have a grown up discussion with her DH. Tell him that comments like that hurt her feelings and of course it’s stressful but blame blaming isn’t going to get the two of you anywhere. You take care of yourself, get your baby better and learn from your experiences.
I personally don’t take my 5 month old to any classes but we are always out and about walking and having coffees. I also don’t take my older DC to soft plays during RSV season. Illnesses build up babies immunity but serious illnesses can also have side effects. It’s all part of risk mitigation.

No he shouldn't be guilting OP like that. It's a shitty thing to do.

What a fucking BASTARD

Can't argue with that succinct and pithy summing up. And referring to his child as 'carried around like a handbag'? where does that come from, I wonder.

Sorry, but fuck off. Stop minimising his appalling behaviour and adding to the blame of the OP. I’m not sorry, by the way.