To ask for no photos/videos to be taken at school performance?

[Christmasbahhumbug]

DD can’t be in photos/videos online. There are genuine reasons for this. School are very good and I think would put a ban in place if I (or any other parent) asked.

In previous years I have kept her home on special nursery/school days where photos/videos might be taken.

Over the summer, DD really wanted to join in and school allowed photos/videos and asked parents to keep them off SM but unsurprisingly this was ignored.

I get it, I really do. I would love a picture/video of DD having fun/performing with all of her friends but we just can’t.

Do I deny other parents/grandparents/children that pleasure by asking for no photos/videos or yet again have DD miss out completely?

I presume you didn't bother to read the thread before writing.

Can't the school record a rehearsal and flog dvd of that and children in full costume on the set.. after the "live performance" with NO phones . Nothing worse than trying to watch you child through a maze of held up mobiles

Yeah @camdenn that's exactly what I meant... It's a good job we have reliable memories for life isn't it.

@TeenDivided Yes, I did. If she is hiding from someone then don't make the fuss. If this is religious then that is a discussion with the school. Otherwise what is your problem?

'don't make a fuss' ?

If they are at risk if their location is revelaed then appropriate safeguarding needs to be in place which includes not being put on social media by other parents.

Our children need to be safe in school and to have as normal a life as they can. That means taking part in school shows, but not being put at risk by selfish parents posting pictures of them online.

In public is in public, it is a risk that has to be taken. Photos online for the whole country to access and for reverse image search to access is not at all similar. Schools in particular are very identifiable and they tell someone where children will be 190 days of the year.

A photo at e.g. Alton Towers is less of an issue as people go there from all over the country. So far less of a risk.

I’m surprised it isn’t already a blanket ban on such things! Every year someone moans at our school
but there such important reasons the school are very strict. I have seen them ask for photos to be deleted in front of them that have been taken sneakily by parents. They do always take a photo of the individual children in their costumes in the stage and send it to parents.

@TeenDivided The don't make a fuss is that if this mother needs to keep her dd away from any possibility of having a picture taken and ending up on social media by accident the she should stay away. However heartbreaking it is that is the route that they have to go especially if there is a possibility that a father will take the child abroad where either the mother cannot get custody of her dd or they disappear altogether. If it is a dv case then she should get help from the police. She also needs to have a conversation with the head so that the school is aware in case of emergency. Is it one of these issues? Other than that, why is this your problem? Go and harass someone else.

School performances where children are snapped and filmed are usually pretty grim. It totally spoils the atmostphere, with everyone trying to get a clear shot of their own child regardless. It is a distraction to the children, a nuisance to other audience members and is a real danger to some children with family difficulties.
I know of a mum who is keeping the exact whereabouts of herself and her daughter secret from her dangerous ex and his family. She can't move right out of the area, because her daughter has to be taken to a local contact centre to see the father, so she is living as quietly and secretly as possible. If her child's school was known to the father, they would have to leave immediately for their safety.
Schools need to set a rule and any parent waving a phone around needs to be spoken to right away, delete any pics and be asked to leave if they refuse.

My children are now adults and are not happy that as children I was banned from taking pictures and videos. They have no memories to share with their families of what they did as children.

Allow parents the right to make memories but ask them not to share on social media. That way everyone is happy.

We didn’t have cameras when I was young so I have nothing to share with my children and grandchildren but with technology now why wouldn’t we want to make memories to keep?

How old are you trying to pretend to be?
I have photos of my grandmother from the 1920s.

I'm quite impressed that you and your DC manage to survive without your hippocampus, neocortex and amygdala.

When you sneakily record your child's Christmas play
It is likely a child in that school is at risk of abuse, has been removed from a dangerous and chaotic life and has been placed into Foster care or with adoptive parents.

You then post a picture with the child in the background. A friend shares it, the abusers see it and know the child's school.
This child then has to pack up belongings move to a new home, new school, new carers, new life, the previous carers are also at risk along with their own children........ All because some needed to share it on fb, just follow school policy, they don't tell you not to record because they are miserable. They tell you this to protect vulnerable children.

My mother was a widow with 5 children under the age of 7. She didn’t have a lot so no she didn’t have a camera. We were the kids who went on holidays to Wales for a week run by the church. We have the odd picture of a class photo. Taken by the school.

Re read my comment. I said ask the parents to not share on social media. Keep the pictures for families. You know those pictures that can be printed and put into an album to keep.

Having worked in a women’s refuge I know full well of the dangers women face from violent partners. I have also fostered children and have photos from when they were younger. Printed in albums for them from when they have taken part in activities in school and when on holidays with us.

Glad you have lots of pictures of your grandma in the 1920’s. She must have been wealthier than my mother who was adopted after losing her parents in WW11.

im sorry but I think you are being unreasonable. If all the other parents are happy for photos why should just one parent spoil it. It’s really up to you to give some age appropriate reasons to your daughter why she can’t take part rather than expect other parents to accommodate you. Most will probably take furtive photos anyway. Whatever your reasons for your restrictions it’s not fair to impose them on the whole class

And that's what's wrong with the world.

People think it's "fairer" that adopted/abused/endangered children miss out than they miss out on their photographs.

Selfish really doesn't cover it.

Can't believe some of the comments. I am a teacher. I'm missing my nursery aged son's Christmas songs and my year 1 daughter's nativity this year (and probably will in the future too) because they both clash with the two performances of my year 1 classes nativity. I'd love a video of their performance but I would never want a child would be excluded in order for me to get this so will take a photo of them at home in their costumes and hope they have a lovely time singing with their friends. I'd far rather all were able to participate safely.

@Gemcat1 maybe she's fled domestic violence so doesn't want photos of her child over social media? Maybe her child is adopted and she doesn't want her photo all over social media? You have no idea why some people protect their children

DDs school (state, primary, academy) has a blanket ban on phones, cameras or other recording equipment on school grounds. We also filled in a form re consenting to photos on social media, website etc (which we declined). This also goes for any events, nativities, summer fayres etc. Parents respect it and I'm very happy they're so strict. I thought this was standard to be honest, surprised it's not in other schools.

My kids school have specifically asked parents not to take pictures because there is a safeguarding risk for a particular child. Everyone has the opportunity to take a pic of their own child at the end.
I would never post a pic with someone else in it online anyway but I think it’s good that the school has said that a child is actually at risk (the child has not been named) because people have probably taken it more seriously than if they just said ‘don’t take pics’ which would probably be ignored by some.

I look at this from a neutral position- there was no social media or camera phones when my kids were at school. So I’m not claiming any entitlement but simply speaking for other parents who want to take pics. That isn’t what’s wrong with the world and it’s not selfish

Could your child take part with an adapted costume so her face isn't visible? You could make it really fun and she wouldn't miss out.

It is utterly selfish for an adult to think their wish to both watch the show and take a photo is superior and "fairer" than them being able to watch and a young child being able to participate in safety.

People only giving a shit about themselves and their own wishes is exactly what's wrong with the world.

Not sure of the type of play or show here - but is it not possible for some children to have their faces painted - like a camel or what ever so they can’t be recognized from photos? Very difficult with a hat/scarf/snowman/alien type disguise?

Just an alternative suggestion.

Your school shouldn’t put you in this predicament, they should have a ban in place already. No child should be excluded from activities. As a parent I’d love to share pics of school plays, sports days etc on SM but safeguarding is too important. I work in a school however and I don’t think it’s until you’ve done safeguarding training training or are responsible for a vulnerable child that you are truly aware of how important it is and how some little ones have been through so much already in their little lives. They need protecting but it is also so very important that they feel encouraged to join in and not be made to feel different. Speak to the school OP and keep up the good work, you’ve got this 🤗

100%

It’s not selfish. It’s human nature to want to pics of your child enjoying the self where it’s allowed. What happens when the child gets invited to parties. Is this rule going to be imposed there too. I very rarely post pics on social media and mine are for friends and family only so I’m not an advocate of posting everything online, but it’s obviously popular for a lot of people. I’m an outsider looking in here and I can clearly see the unfairness on both sides. Your last sentence in your post above applies to both sides of this. There are solutions that the school could put in place that would keep all happy.

It’s human nature to want to pics of your child enjoying the self where it’s allowed.

I don’t disagree. It’s natural to want them.

Its utterly selfish to think that want should trump a small child being able to take part in their school show safely.

Wanting your child to be safe isn’t remotely comparable in selfish terms to whinging that you can’t take a photo.

And private parties aren’t remotely comparable to school events either.

The number of straw men people will happily throw at this is unreal. The issue is small child being able to take part safely over an adult’s right to be able to take photos of something they’re watching…
that so many think their “right” to photos and watching trumps the child being able to take part safely says so so much.