Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7

Original poster

To ask neighbour to shop for me?

156 replies

penny4books · 29/11/2022 10:56

Not sure if this will look cheeky.

I'm not close to my neighbour but I have no other options. If you've read my other posts you'd know DS(14) was struggling with his mental health and hearing voices etc. I also suspect he has ASD and was struggling in school. I've not sent him to school for a few weeks and he hasn't mentioned the voices for a while apart from yesterday. He's still struggling to sleep and last night he didn't get to sleep until 5am and then he woke up at 8:30 so he (we) is very tired today and I suspect he'll go back to sleep.

He has a MH assessment in a few weeks. The issue now is he won't leave the house, yesterday he wanted some biscuits which we didn't have so I told him we needed to go to the shops, which he agreed to and got ready etc, I don't drive so we had to walk which he couldn't do as he said he felt dizzy, his head hurt and he was very pale etc so we went home which he was upset about.

I've done an online shop which won't be here until tomorrow but I need some milk and a few other bits for dinner today (mainly for DS as he won't eat what we have in) I was thinking of taking him to the shops on the bus which he might enjoy but he is tired and I'm not sure how he'll be in the supermarket.

I'm no longer with my partner as he wasn't supportive of DS and I need to focus on him at the moment, his dad isn't involved he sends DS a birthday card and that's it, he hasn't seen him for over 2 years. My friends don't live nearby.

My only option is to ask my neighbour, we aren't friends but I know if she asked and was in this situation, I would if I could.

Is this cheeky though? AIBU?

OP posts:

whattodo1975 · 29/11/2022 10:59

Can you not go when he is asleep.

Also you need to learn to drive.

howshouldibehave · 29/11/2022 11:00

I’d go on your own during the day.

Elphame · 29/11/2022 11:01

Ask.

Once I've finished my coffee I'm about to go out and pick up a prescription and some basic provisions for my non-driving neighbour whose husband is too unwell to leave alone.

Chamomileteaplease · 29/11/2022 11:01

I suppose it depends how busy the neighbour is and where the nearest shop is.

If she is up to her eyes in her own stuff and you want her to go out on the bus then yes that's cheeky.

But if she is say retired or has time and the shop is nearby then no, you could try.

SpinningFloppa · 29/11/2022 11:01

No I have an autistic child who isn’t currently at school (long story) but I wouldn’t personally don’t you have family or friends to ask? No Uber eats? Deliveroo? Etc

blebbleb · 29/11/2022 11:02

I would go when he's asleep. Are you that friendly with your neighbour? Are there no little corner shops closer to you?

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/11/2022 11:02

Getting milk is one thing, getting dinner is towards a proper shop. I wouldn't feel comfortable asking a neighbour to do that.

If your son can't be left, I'd probably ask around friends in the first instance assuming they do drive. Presumably your friends know more about your situation so will be easier for them to understand why you need help.

HowVeryBizarre · 29/11/2022 11:04

How close are the shops and are you willing to share your situation with your neighbour? If I was going to the shops anyway I would happily pick up stuff for a neighbour who said she couldn’t get there because of kid/health/whatever issues without needing to hear any more. I would only make a special trip though if I thought someone really needed my help.

peppapig79 · 29/11/2022 11:04

Deliveroo, Just Eat and the likes do local shop delivers? Could you get on.

Can't believe someone told you you need to learn to drive smh

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/11/2022 11:04

Also you need to learn to drive.

Which requires £££. Then OP will need to magic up the money to buy and run a car. All of which takes time as well.

MeMyBooksAndMyCats · 29/11/2022 11:05

Uber and deliveroo do deliveries from local shops. Amazon does same day delivery from Morrisons.

I wouldn't ask a neighbour if you don't really know them.

supercatlady · 29/11/2022 11:05

Amazon do same day grocery delivery via Amazon fresh or Morrisons, so that could be worth a look?

JangledBat · 29/11/2022 11:05

Could you not just ask your neighbour if you can borrow some milk and eggs or something and give them back when your shopping arrives?

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/11/2022 11:05

Where I live I would think nothing of asking. I've done it for other neighbours and vice versa. You could just start by asking if they are going near any shops today.

Wetnovember · 29/11/2022 11:06

Have you got a community fb or WA group you could ask? Someone in our village posted a couple of weeks ago as they needed a lift to the closest bus stop. 3 people offered. DMs village has a WA group where people ask for all sorts of favors. The post man will take basic supplies if people are stuck.

Imogensmumma · 29/11/2022 11:06

Can whet a taxi so DS doesn’t have to walk , take a bus or can DS stay home alone at 14 while you quickly go out.

As you are not close to your neighbour I think it is very CF territory.

Agree with another PP ask a friend first or Deliveroo if above options aren’t available

Bellavida99 · 29/11/2022 11:08

Snappy shopper app deliver mostly Co op food within an hour or so they’re really handy.

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 29/11/2022 11:08

If I was your neighbour I wouldn't think twice about helping out. In our close we all help each other out when necessary.

MrsVeryTired · 29/11/2022 11:08

I would ask, they can only say no.

ImAnonymous · 29/11/2022 11:08

whattodo1975 · 29/11/2022 10:59

Can you not go when he is asleep.

Also you need to learn to drive.

So easy to say 'you need to learn to drive' but it is expensive and maybe she is!!

Catapultaway · 29/11/2022 11:09

I don't think it's cheeky to ask, but personally I would ask friends first. Do you have a friend within driving distance that drives?

YorkshireLass81 · 29/11/2022 11:09

I think your son needs to be in school. Even if it's only 2 hours a day, for the sake of his mh (and your own) he needs to be getting up and getting out of the house. With the best intentions of a loving mum, you may not actually be helping him by letting him totally isolate himself. I say this kindly but if you let him sleep in the day, he then won't sleep again tonight and the circle continues. As a parent it is very easy to get drawn into the illness but you and he need fresh air, meaningful activities and seeing other people. If he has the beginnings of some psychosis, any early intervention mh team, Camhs etc will all say the same thing. Sending hugs xx

rainydays365 · 29/11/2022 11:10

On just eat you can do a shop delivery it can be delivered within the hour my grind used to do delivery's for it and she told me if you order ice cream your order is first to be delivered so it doesn't melt

howshouldibehave · 29/11/2022 11:11

Are you not leaving the house at all? I would definitely nip out for half an hour just to give you a break.

Most of my neighbours work so I wouldn’t ask them.

tigerbear · 29/11/2022 11:12

The OP is as far from a CF as I can imagine.! Jesus Christ, she’s genuinely struggling, and people think she’d be cheeky to ask a neighbour for a simple thing? So what if she doesn’t already know them - isn’t this how people get talking and begin to get to know one another?
If the neighbour doesn’t want to or can’t, fair enough, but I really don’t think it’s cheeky to ask.

so all the people saying she’s a CF - if you had a neighbour asking you for help in a similar situation, and you didn’t know them already, are you really saying you’d slam the door in their face and refuse to help?

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7