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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask neighbour to shop for me?

156 replies

penny4books · 29/11/2022 10:56

Not sure if this will look cheeky.

I'm not close to my neighbour but I have no other options. If you've read my other posts you'd know DS(14) was struggling with his mental health and hearing voices etc. I also suspect he has ASD and was struggling in school. I've not sent him to school for a few weeks and he hasn't mentioned the voices for a while apart from yesterday. He's still struggling to sleep and last night he didn't get to sleep until 5am and then he woke up at 8:30 so he (we) is very tired today and I suspect he'll go back to sleep.

He has a MH assessment in a few weeks. The issue now is he won't leave the house, yesterday he wanted some biscuits which we didn't have so I told him we needed to go to the shops, which he agreed to and got ready etc, I don't drive so we had to walk which he couldn't do as he said he felt dizzy, his head hurt and he was very pale etc so we went home which he was upset about.

I've done an online shop which won't be here until tomorrow but I need some milk and a few other bits for dinner today (mainly for DS as he won't eat what we have in) I was thinking of taking him to the shops on the bus which he might enjoy but he is tired and I'm not sure how he'll be in the supermarket.

I'm no longer with my partner as he wasn't supportive of DS and I need to focus on him at the moment, his dad isn't involved he sends DS a birthday card and that's it, he hasn't seen him for over 2 years. My friends don't live nearby.

My only option is to ask my neighbour, we aren't friends but I know if she asked and was in this situation, I would if I could.

Is this cheeky though? AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsTumblebee · 30/11/2022 13:58

Op, You’re not being a CF. Go and ask your neighbours for help.

UWhatNow · 30/11/2022 14:01

I think a lot of the responses here are because people have taken op on trust and deeply empathise with her situation.

Unfortunately if some ‘neighbour’ who you didn’t know very well suddenly banged on the door asking for a favour I suspect a lot of us would be more reticent than the replies on this thread indicate. It’s natural and prudent to be suspicious of strangers requesting things of us out of the blue. Not everyone is innocent in their intentions. We’ve all heard the scam stories or had our trust in people knocked. And as some posters have said, you can agree to one little thing and then it opens you up to complete piss taking from some people…

Yes op is struggling but her neighbour doesn’t necessary know this for sure so I think it is CF territory.

Zebedee55 · 30/11/2022 14:06

Tesco do a thing called "Whoosh delivery" which delivers goods within an hour.

www.tesco.com/zones/Whoosh

siyanasaysrelax · 30/11/2022 14:07

if one of my neighbours asked this it would be no problem at all, I would do it for you if you were local to me

PickyEaters · 30/11/2022 14:08

You can ask, or you can order groceries via Deliveroo. Where I live they will pick up & deliver groceries from Waitrose, Sainsbury's, Morrisons & Co-op. I think the delivery chrage is £2.50. Ok if you're desperate.

TheOrigRights · 30/11/2022 14:11

OP, are you in regular contact with the MH team while your son waits for his assessment? Do they realise you are unable to leave the home either alone or with your son?

Interviewnamechange · 30/11/2022 14:14

If my neighbour asked me to do this, I absolutely would.

Try and make it a one off though as it starts to feel like a burden if you’re repeatedly asked. Once in a while, to help somebody out, I would happily help.

mrstreacle · 30/11/2022 14:15

siyanasaysrelax · 30/11/2022 14:07

if one of my neighbours asked this it would be no problem at all, I would do it for you if you were local to me

I would too, and have done in the past

goshdoyoumeantobsorude · 30/11/2022 14:17

Good lord, yes ask. If you were my neighbour, all you would have to say is your son is struggling and you don't want to leave him, is there any way they could get these items for you.
Wow community spirit in Mumsnet is alive and well (not).

Stressedmum2017 · 30/11/2022 14:17

Absolute morons on this thread. 'get him out and about'!! Tell me you've never experienced psychosis without telling me you have never experienced psychosis. If you had you would know what a thick comment that is because the voices and hallucinations increase dramatically when going outside. Then coming back in the extra stimuli has made you 10x worse. There is a reason people on certain sections in psychiatric units are not allowed off the grounds UNTIL they are better, for their own and others safety.

Saying to someone hearing a voices that a trip to the supermarket will help them is beyond stupidity. Just goes to show you are someone who hears the words 'mental heath' and chalks it up as mild anxiety and situational depression that everyone can get, there are many other conditions than that ffs.

MadeofElephantStone · 30/11/2022 14:22

I only know my neighbour's to wave to, if they asked me to do a shop to help them out I still would. You can only ask them, OP. And for those suggesting the OP stops pandering to her DS, fucking hell, I hope you don't find yourself in this position, either as the carer or mentally unwell/neuro diverse. It's not quite as straightforward as bringing them back to reality, if only.

I hope you are both OK, OP.

MrsThimbles · 30/11/2022 14:23

MakeMineALarge1 · 29/11/2022 11:29

Why are you not leaving the house?

I should imagine the OP’s son being unwell just now makes it difficult. He’s been having psychotic episodes and hearing voices. It’s not like he’s got a bit of a headache and walk in the fresh air will help it.

Sennelier1 · 30/11/2022 14:24

Just ask. Neighbours need to have each-other’s back. I watched the adult son of a neighbour for a few days. He has mental issues and just needed someone to check on him a few times a day. That’s what mothers do. That’s what neighbours do. If I were close I would happily do your shopping 😘

MrsThimbles · 30/11/2022 14:24

Stressedmum2017 · 30/11/2022 14:17

Absolute morons on this thread. 'get him out and about'!! Tell me you've never experienced psychosis without telling me you have never experienced psychosis. If you had you would know what a thick comment that is because the voices and hallucinations increase dramatically when going outside. Then coming back in the extra stimuli has made you 10x worse. There is a reason people on certain sections in psychiatric units are not allowed off the grounds UNTIL they are better, for their own and others safety.

Saying to someone hearing a voices that a trip to the supermarket will help them is beyond stupidity. Just goes to show you are someone who hears the words 'mental heath' and chalks it up as mild anxiety and situational depression that everyone can get, there are many other conditions than that ffs.

You couldn’t make some of these replies up. 🙄

celticprincess · 30/11/2022 14:28

Oh wow. Comments on hear are truly awful regards to. Potentially autistic child in a mental health crisis refusing school. She can’t just send him to school. And she’s u likely to be popping out and leaving him. Also with some young people in this situation, the whole actions have consequences means nothing to them either. I’ve a Few friends with similar sounding children who sit for hours in a car outside of school to then turn around and go home after the child has agreed to go, gets ready gets in the car and then can’t physically get out at the other end.

OP definitely needs to get onto the mental health services and cahms people for support but from experience that can be a postcode lottery.

if you were my neighbour I’d go shopping for you if you asked. You know the old saying ‘it takes a community to raise a child’?????!!!!

superdupernova · 30/11/2022 14:28

If you were my neighbour I'd do it. No harm in asking.

kingtamponthefurred · 30/11/2022 14:36

You can ask, but if your food order is coming tomorrow, surely you can manage with what you already have in the house for one night?

listsandbudgets · 30/11/2022 14:37

DisplayPurposesOnly · 29/11/2022 11:04

Also you need to learn to drive.

Which requires £££. Then OP will need to magic up the money to buy and run a car. All of which takes time as well.

I always hate it when people say this. People don't drive for all sorts of reasons -

Would you say this to someone if you knew they had severe mental health problems or epilepsy or dyspraxia for example. Would you assume random people have sufficient funding to learn and run a car..

No.. so why do it on mumsnet? It's simplistic and insensitive. I am sure if the OP had the health/ co-ordination / time / financial resource she'd love to be able to drive

lucyoak · 30/11/2022 14:43

She is doing EXACTLY the right thing for her son. Sounds like he is in burnout and he needs to recover with absolutely no demands. You sound like you have good intentions but absolutely no idea of how to approach children’s mental health and also the sorry state of the current SEN and mental health system.

toomuchlaundry · 30/11/2022 14:43

I did my elderly neighbours' shopping all through lockdown 1. If someone asked me now I would help

ICanHideButICantRun · 30/11/2022 14:45

whattodo1975 · 29/11/2022 10:59

Can you not go when he is asleep.

Also you need to learn to drive.

Yes, OP, never mind food, book yourself driving lessons.

FFS, @whattodo1975

ICanHideButICantRun · 30/11/2022 14:46

Do you have a local Co-op? They will deliver within two hours.

Botunr · 30/11/2022 14:49

Cancel the cheque!

OP posted this yesterday, so it's pretty much solved as her ordered food delivery will be coming today and she doesn't have access to deliveroo etc

bloodyeverlastinghell · 30/11/2022 14:49

Is there a community Facebook page if you ask I bet someone would volunteer to collect/ drop off a Tesco click and collect or equivalent.

Redebs · 30/11/2022 15:03

Stressedmum2017 · 30/11/2022 14:17

Absolute morons on this thread. 'get him out and about'!! Tell me you've never experienced psychosis without telling me you have never experienced psychosis. If you had you would know what a thick comment that is because the voices and hallucinations increase dramatically when going outside. Then coming back in the extra stimuli has made you 10x worse. There is a reason people on certain sections in psychiatric units are not allowed off the grounds UNTIL they are better, for their own and others safety.

Saying to someone hearing a voices that a trip to the supermarket will help them is beyond stupidity. Just goes to show you are someone who hears the words 'mental heath' and chalks it up as mild anxiety and situational depression that everyone can get, there are many other conditions than that ffs.

Yes, totally