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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask neighbour to shop for me?

156 replies

penny4books · 29/11/2022 10:56

Not sure if this will look cheeky.

I'm not close to my neighbour but I have no other options. If you've read my other posts you'd know DS(14) was struggling with his mental health and hearing voices etc. I also suspect he has ASD and was struggling in school. I've not sent him to school for a few weeks and he hasn't mentioned the voices for a while apart from yesterday. He's still struggling to sleep and last night he didn't get to sleep until 5am and then he woke up at 8:30 so he (we) is very tired today and I suspect he'll go back to sleep.

He has a MH assessment in a few weeks. The issue now is he won't leave the house, yesterday he wanted some biscuits which we didn't have so I told him we needed to go to the shops, which he agreed to and got ready etc, I don't drive so we had to walk which he couldn't do as he said he felt dizzy, his head hurt and he was very pale etc so we went home which he was upset about.

I've done an online shop which won't be here until tomorrow but I need some milk and a few other bits for dinner today (mainly for DS as he won't eat what we have in) I was thinking of taking him to the shops on the bus which he might enjoy but he is tired and I'm not sure how he'll be in the supermarket.

I'm no longer with my partner as he wasn't supportive of DS and I need to focus on him at the moment, his dad isn't involved he sends DS a birthday card and that's it, he hasn't seen him for over 2 years. My friends don't live nearby.

My only option is to ask my neighbour, we aren't friends but I know if she asked and was in this situation, I would if I could.

Is this cheeky though? AIBU?

OP posts:

Backtothegymgirl · 29/11/2022 14:21

Your local Facebook village page or your neighbours site is the best bet I think, s woman was posting on ours recently that she’d no money and people dropped stuff off. She did get a ban as she was doing it for weeks and weeks, and got to naming the food she wanted like can I have some chicken tikka masala ready meals please, but for a one off, people are very kind, I think it’s better than targetting one person ie the neighbour as you don’t know them or what they have going on.

Roundandnour · 29/11/2022 14:22

i am a nice person.

I know what it’s like to have a suicidal autistic teen with intrusive thoughts. Started for us before the first lockdown and still dealing with it all.

Thankfully he didn’t take a knife to school because as soon as he mentioned instrusove thoughts I removed the lot of them, had serious words with him, let the school know and refused to get off the phone with CAHMS until they accepted that he was in crisis and this outweighed getting a diagnosis.

But nope still wouldn’t go to the shop for a neighbour for busicuits and the neighbour has a bloody partner they can call.

CarefreeMe · 29/11/2022 14:24

YABU

I don’t think it’s fair to put this on your neighbour for something that isn’t an emergency.

It’s concerning that he’s hearing voices and has been stuck inside for so long not having contact with anyone but you.

You need to get him out and back into reality.

Of course it’s not a magic cure but it will help not make things worse.
It will also help him sleep which in turn will help with his MH.

seeingdoc11 · 29/11/2022 14:31

I would absoloutely help you

Right thing to do is to ask and the right thing to do is to help

Original poster

penny4books · 29/11/2022 15:04

We don't have deliveroo etc. I don't want to leave him home alone due to his MH, but he has been asleep so I am going to try and take him to the shops but I'm not sure if he will go. Me and partner are no longer together as I said in my OP.

I wasn't going to ask neighbour to get biscuits, DS knows he's getting them tomorrow as I've ordered them, it was just milk and a pizza for DS as he won't eat the food we have in as he doesn't like it.

OP posts:

Quveas · 29/11/2022 15:57

Flapjackquack · 29/11/2022 14:09

@Quveas - gosh you are angry…

Only when people make huge bloody assumptions about my character based on no knowledge of me at all. People can have a different opionion than me, fine. But when they denigrate my character because I would act differently - especially having already said that I work from home and don't ever go to the shops - then yes, I get angry. Perhaps others peoples lives are so perfect that they can drop everything to do something that a total stranger asks them to do. That's lovely. Not everybody has that life, and we are no less decent or nice human beings because we can't or won't.

peppapig79 · 29/11/2022 16:07

penny4books · 29/11/2022 15:04

Hope you managed to get sorted x

Backtothegymgirl · 29/11/2022 16:16

Can you not just order a pizza, do no local places at all do that either?

honestly I understand the issue but asking your neighbour to go to the shops and buy a pizza for your son is not likely to go down well.

I think if you came to my door and asked me to go out and buy your son a pizza I’d say no. I’m sorry.

HamBone · 29/11/2022 16:22

If it’s a short walk, I’d pop out alone and grab some bits.

Would he be OK if you explained to him that you want to get him a pizza and some milk? He can always ring you.

wherearebeefandonioncrisps · 29/11/2022 16:23

UberEats or any of the other suggestions of fast deliveries that others have mentioned.
Or get a pizza delivered.

I'd pop out for a neighbour for essentials but not pizza.

CarefreeMe · 29/11/2022 16:37

If he wants pizza then he’ll have to go to the shops with you.

It will be a nice carrot to get him out in the fresh air and get some exercise anyway.

fishandchipies · 29/11/2022 16:40

You could get a Deliveroo supermarket shop.

Botunr · 29/11/2022 16:43

fishandchipies · 29/11/2022 16:40

You could get a Deliveroo supermarket shop.

OP has said they don't have deliveroo or similar in their area.

Merryoldgoat · 29/11/2022 16:47

I would go for my neighbour but would likely not ask them to go for me.

AdoraBell · 29/11/2022 16:51

I think it’s okay to ask your neighbour, I would help if you were my neighbour.

AdoraBell · 29/11/2022 17:28

You need to get him out and back him into reality

Not that simple. The OP had said her DS is hearing voices. When my BIL, who also has ASD, was hearing voices a stranger managed to get him not to jump off a bridge over the Thames, but it took far more than that to bring him back into reality

Colourmehappy26 · 29/11/2022 17:34

I would be happy to be asked. Do your neighbours know you by sight or have you talked to them before?

beanii · 30/11/2022 13:08

Yes it's cheeky. Plenty of options for same day delivery now.

Wouldn't he be ok on his own whilst you went?

H007 · 30/11/2022 13:13

I don’t think you can ask directly if you have not made a effort to communicate with them on a friendly basis before. I think if you have been chatty with them you could ask.

Other options would be Deliveroo or Uber eats. Or direct local takeaway. Or organise a same day click and collect so that your son comes with you, but doesn’t actually have to go into the shop.

He needs to know that if he doesn’t want what is in the the house then he needs to help you to get him what he wants.

Final option would be to ask DS’s dad, even if he hasn’t been supportive before you need to give him the opportunity to help if you are desperate.

vickylou78 · 30/11/2022 13:27

Do you know any local school mums from your son's class, id text one of them. I'd help anyone in this situation. Also it doesn't hurt to ask neighbour they can say no. But think I'd ask school mum friend first.

vickylou78 · 30/11/2022 13:30

How far away are your friends and family. Have you spoken to anyone and let them know you need some support?

FrownedUpon · 30/11/2022 13:33

2bazookas · 29/11/2022 12:54

Stop pandering to his whims.It won't help him or his MH.

If he wants biscuits and won't go to the shops there will be no biscuits. End of,

You can go to the shops without him.

Just because he's awake, doesn't mean you have to be awake.

Either, go to sleep and get some rest so one of you is rational.
Or, while he's in bed "not sleeping" , go shopping on your own.

This. You need to stop pandering to him. Staying in the house & not attending school is harmful. He needs to get out and about.

Rosio · 30/11/2022 13:42

Try Tesco grocery app, some of them do Whoosh deliveries, delivery within 60 minutes

nobird · 30/11/2022 13:46

Ask. There is no shame in asking for help from a neighbour. Helping each other out is good.

WhoHasMovedMyBrain · 30/11/2022 13:55

If I was your neighbour I'd be happy for a chance to help you out if it was reasonably possible for me to go the shops.

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