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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask neighbour to shop for me?

156 replies

penny4books · 29/11/2022 10:56

Not sure if this will look cheeky.

I'm not close to my neighbour but I have no other options. If you've read my other posts you'd know DS(14) was struggling with his mental health and hearing voices etc. I also suspect he has ASD and was struggling in school. I've not sent him to school for a few weeks and he hasn't mentioned the voices for a while apart from yesterday. He's still struggling to sleep and last night he didn't get to sleep until 5am and then he woke up at 8:30 so he (we) is very tired today and I suspect he'll go back to sleep.

He has a MH assessment in a few weeks. The issue now is he won't leave the house, yesterday he wanted some biscuits which we didn't have so I told him we needed to go to the shops, which he agreed to and got ready etc, I don't drive so we had to walk which he couldn't do as he said he felt dizzy, his head hurt and he was very pale etc so we went home which he was upset about.

I've done an online shop which won't be here until tomorrow but I need some milk and a few other bits for dinner today (mainly for DS as he won't eat what we have in) I was thinking of taking him to the shops on the bus which he might enjoy but he is tired and I'm not sure how he'll be in the supermarket.

I'm no longer with my partner as he wasn't supportive of DS and I need to focus on him at the moment, his dad isn't involved he sends DS a birthday card and that's it, he hasn't seen him for over 2 years. My friends don't live nearby.

My only option is to ask my neighbour, we aren't friends but I know if she asked and was in this situation, I would if I could.

Is this cheeky though? AIBU?

OP posts:
Temporaryname158 · 29/11/2022 11:14

As others have said there are many apps you can use.

without disclosing h

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 29/11/2022 11:15

tigerbear · 29/11/2022 11:12

The OP is as far from a CF as I can imagine.! Jesus Christ, she’s genuinely struggling, and people think she’d be cheeky to ask a neighbour for a simple thing? So what if she doesn’t already know them - isn’t this how people get talking and begin to get to know one another?
If the neighbour doesn’t want to or can’t, fair enough, but I really don’t think it’s cheeky to ask.

so all the people saying she’s a CF - if you had a neighbour asking you for help in a similar situation, and you didn’t know them already, are you really saying you’d slam the door in their face and refuse to help?

This...

I'd deffo ask a neighbour in these circs.... I've also been the neighbour doing a shop in these urgent situations!

What's the worst they can say??
And they MAY well say yes!

Something like 'I'm in a difficult situation, my son is ill and can't be left-of you're going to the shops - would you be able to pick up these basics for me, as a one off?'

Temporaryname158 · 29/11/2022 11:15

Sorry hand caught send

without disclosing the full story to a neighbour you barely know it does sound cheeky.

your son needs to learn consequences (I say this gently) to actions. Not going to the shop meant he couldn’t have the biscuits. Not going today will mean he doesn’t get the foods he wants. You have said you have food in, just not what he wants so no I wouldn’t ask the neighbour

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 29/11/2022 11:16

Also... In these circs I'd ask on a any FB local group...

I've been the receiver and poster of these types of posts!

You're also of course increasing your chances of getting someone to help!

Cherry8809 · 29/11/2022 11:16

Have you checked out Just Eat, Deliveroo or Uber Eats?
They all offer same day delivery (usually within the hour) for places like Morrisons, Waitrose, Asda, and One Stop.

TreacsPotNoodle · 29/11/2022 11:17

whattodo1975 · 29/11/2022 10:59

Can you not go when he is asleep.

Also you need to learn to drive.

You need to learn to come out from under that rock and realise there is a cost of living crisis.

SpinningFloppa · 29/11/2022 11:18

Oh also many supermarkets now do same day delivery, icelands, Asda, Sainsbury’s and tescos all do same day delivery I would always do this first

ScottishBeth · 29/11/2022 11:19

If I was your neighbour I'd be happy to be asked. I would try to help if I could.

Also when I had covid I posted on my local fb group to ask someone to pick up some bits. I had lots of offers, from people I'd never met.

Lastqueenofscotland2 · 29/11/2022 11:21

I think it depends. Is it a pop to a corner shop or is it a drive to a supermarket, and would
they be going anyway? I have quite a needy neighbour and while I don’t mind picking up a carton of milk or a loaf of bread when I’m going to the shop I’d be reluctant to do much more as I don’t want to be depended on by her every time she wants something. I’d not put them out of their way

Marigoldandivy · 29/11/2022 11:21

I’m sorry you have had some unhelpful replies. Why not ask your neighbour? They may not be close to you, but equally, they might be happy to help someone genuinely in need. I hope things get better for you and DS.

MrsVeryTired · 29/11/2022 11:21

OP, also just say to neighbours your son is ill and you don't want to leave him on his own, you don't need to go into detail.
Best wishes

Not sure advice about school from some is useful atm, OP son is having a crisis.
OP, can you ask for sooner MH assessment?

America12 · 29/11/2022 11:22

whattodo1975 · 29/11/2022 10:59

Can you not go when he is asleep.

Also you need to learn to drive.

How unhelpful. That's not going to solve today's problem. Maybe she can't afford it , maybe she can drive and can't afford a car ?

America12 · 29/11/2022 11:22

Amazon do same day Morrisons delivery if that would help ?

Botunr · 29/11/2022 11:22

Guessing you live in a place where ubereats and same day deliveries don't exist (same) i would ask on a local fb group, it puts less pressure on one person, as the neighbour will probably feel they have to and if you explain the circumstances and the area you're in someone is likely to be passing by or willing to and to do a mini shop for you.

Needmorelego · 29/11/2022 11:23

Are you on Facebook? If yes go into a local group. You don't need to go into details just say "I am stuck at home with a sick child and can't go out. Can anyone please grab me a couple of essentials from the shops".
On my local Facebook groups somebody would help you out.
Good luck.

SlashBeef · 29/11/2022 11:24

Gosh people are very insular aren't they. I would absolutely do this for my neighbour! It's just a quick trip to the shops for someone having a hard time!

Abeachsomewhere · 29/11/2022 11:25

Honestly, some of these replies. OP can’t magic up a driving licence and a car in a few hours and presumably doesn’t want to leave her son on his own at home precisely because of his current difficulties.

OP, I don’t think it’s cheeky at all to ask - the neighbour can always say no. If I lived near you I would happily help in this type of situation. However, I would explore using apps like Deliveroo if you can - it’s easy to set up an account and shops like Sainsburys can deliver within the hour for a small fee. I did this a few weeks ago when my DD and I were stuck at home and it was so quick and easy.

nicky2512 · 29/11/2022 11:25

I would hate to think that any of my neighbours would feel unable to ask for help in this way.
Any of us in my house would be happy to walk to the shop for any neighbour. Though I dread to think what dh or ds would bring them as they are dreadful shoppers!

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 29/11/2022 11:28

SlashBeef · 29/11/2022 11:24

Gosh people are very insular aren't they. I would absolutely do this for my neighbour! It's just a quick trip to the shops for someone having a hard time!

I'm not sure MN is a true reflection of the majority of nice people who are willing to help. Remember half the people here won't even open their front door if someone knocks!

cookiesbeforepookies · 29/11/2022 11:28

Deliveroo, Just Eat and the likes do local shop delivers? Could you get on.

My thought too. Are you in a rural area?

MakeMineALarge1 · 29/11/2022 11:29

Why are you not leaving the house?

mickandrorty · 29/11/2022 11:29

Iceland often has same day slots if that's any help, our Tesco also offers a same day as well and the main food services like just uber but choice is often limited.

AllThingsServeTheBeam · 29/11/2022 11:29

whattodo1975 · 29/11/2022 10:59

Can you not go when he is asleep.

Also you need to learn to drive.

How helpful 🙄

Not everyone can or has the funds. FS

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/11/2022 11:31

You could ask if you know them or on local FB. I think a lot of supermarkets do same day delivery. Tesco does whoosh. Idk if you have to be an existing customer.

heldinadream · 29/11/2022 11:32

MakeMineALarge1 · 29/11/2022 11:29

Why are you not leaving the house?

OP says son won't leave the house, also that he got dizzy when she tried to go shopping with him. Presumably it's not safe to leave him on his own. Therefore, Op is stuck.
Ask OP. If I was your neighbour and you said - sick child, can't leave the house, I'd do my best to help you. Hope things improve and your DS gets some appropriate and effective help and you get some support. Flowers