AIBU for not inviting family to Center Parcs?

[Saju1]

My sister is annoyed for not inviting her son (my nephew) to CP.

I have booked a lodge to celebrate my birthday, and there is room for 1 more person, however I don't want anyone else to come. The issue I have is that she treats my nephew like a child when he is an adult, therefore I am going to have to collect him and take him home, that adds an extra hour to the car journey (it already takes 1.5 hours) when I already have a young baby in a car. I am going to have to babysit and pay for all of their food and activities.

Also, my nephew doesn't call me on my birthday, so I feel like they just want a free holiday.

AIBU? If not, how do I tell her I can't take him?

Frankly OP it doesn't matter how old your nephew is or if he has special needs, it's your holiday that you have paid for - there is no need to take him along if you don't want to especially given your valid reasons. Personally I would have said no to your aunt as well. I wouldn't "beg" for people to be added to a free holiday. I can understand asking the question whilst making it clear that a 'no' is fine.

😂😂

“Oh, that’s so kind of him to offer to babysit so that I can enjoy my birthday week. There’s a bed for him in the baby’s room so he can do the night feeds and changes too. Tell him he can have one session in the pool, so long as no one’s poo’ed in it, as a thank you from us. I assume you’ll drop him off and collect him, since our car will be full of baby stuff. Thanks!”

Thank you for the lovely birthday wishes! I'm due to call my sister this week as we are meant to meet up (planned before this issue). I will let you know how the conversation goes. Wish me luck 🤞🤞🤞🤞

If he has ASD but not severe learning difficulties, I imagine he'd want to be with his mates as much as any 18 y/o. Your sister treats him like a kid and she's clearly looking for respite care. This is not that occasion. I'd invent a friend or say you're putting the baby in any spare room you might have. Use the babysitting service at CP and have an adults only meal, or ask the Aunt to babysit so you can have a nice meal out. It already sounds like you've Klingons as it is.

How would you know that?!

Op, I'm totally on your side. It's your birthday, you've paid for the villa & you have a young baby. Tbh, I think your mum is a cf for insisting her sister goes. You seem a lovely lady, but maybe you need to be more assertive with your wider family. I understand that 18yr old nephew has autism but it's not your responsibility to take him on all your family trips.
Wishing you a happy birthday & hope you have a good time at Centre Parcs 💐🍾

you need to start going away on your own-as in immediate family only

You said, "I am going to have to" do xxx three times.
You don't.

It's your choice who you take on a family holiday. Have you taken him on holiday every other time? If so, sounds like your sister assumed that your nephew would be going too and your sister is in the wrong for assuming that he would go on this one too. Ask her why she would assume that he would be going?

Haha that's what I thought.

This. Why would he even want to go ?

I wouldn't think he, would want to go anyway. What 18 year old lad, would want to go, on holiday with his auntie, who has a baby. I am sure he would rather be anywhere else.
So say no, sorry its just us this trip.
My sister is always say for me, to go to hers for a break, but it wouldn't be a break, I would be keeping an eye on her teens and probably sleeping on the sofas or floor.

What? It's a place for family. How have you came to that conclusion? Have you ever actually been?

😂 Looks like not many people are familiar with the famous bum sex at CP thread.

Center Parcs & Anal sex www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnet_classics/1385104-Center-Parcs-Anal-sex

So I called my sister today, and I thought I will only being up the subject if she did. And... She did!
This is how the conversation went:

Sister: I heard you are going to center parcs, my two kids were invited, but as you didn't personally invite them they aren't going.

Me: ah right

Sister: why didn't they get invited?

Me: I initially invited mum and dad, they begged for my aunt to go, and therefore we had to get another room.

Sister: but why didn't they get invited?

Me: now I know for next time, that I need to invite them. But it goes both ways, whenever they go on holiday, they need to invite me to. And no one in this family invites me to their mini family holiday, but somehow if I go on holiday, I have to invite everyone.

Sister: my kids aren't everyone.

Me: but if I invite them,I have to invite my other 4 nephew and nieces.

Sister: but my kids have always gone with you on holiday, and they are closer to you than the others.

Me: well it's about being fair to everyone, and I can't just pick and choose. Also they haven't gone on every holiday.

Sister: I think they should have been invited.

Me: like I said, I know for next time. Which means they will now start inviting me in the holidays they keep going on, like when they went to Spain on their own, it's great to know I'll start getting an invite.

Sister: I will call you back in 1 minute

Call ends, sister calls back, but doesn't mention it anymore

Just to let the OPs know, I will not be going on a teen holiday with my nephew and niece, I just said that to clear a point. My sister had also just come back from mini family holiday, and I think she thought I was going to bring that up. Btw my sister has two children, but only my nephew was invited by my aunt.

Thank you OPs for helping me

Perfect. Everyone knows where they stand. Maybe you’ll be getting invites?

@Saju1 OP = Original Poster

Oh OP! Well played! You're brilliant. 👏 👌 😎

Op this is amazing, well done!! She’s one CF.

Love a mumsnet happy ending.

OP, well done.

Things have changed now, you have a baby. You need to make that clear to everyone. They need to repay the favours you have given out or draw a line under them now.

I need to learn to say no next year.

Great news, OP. Stay firm in future too.

It’s good that yiur sister moved the conversation on to other things and didn’t throw a tantrum. Well managed by you.

Next time don't invite anyone, just go with your little family, your family are Liberty takers, you had to get s bigger place because your mum wanted your aunt, you should have said no then, you should have said, sorry mum no I've already booked it, if you don't want to come and you want to go on holiday with auntie you can.
You need you stand up to your family as they seem to think you are a pushover, I used to have this problem and started saying no to people, my life is easier now.
I'm glad you stood your ground with your sister. X

Well done- it’s a really good first step to gaining the confidence to push back. You can tell from the way you reported the conversation it wouldn’t have been easy for you and the family dynamics are tricky. Eg I would have been able to just say ‘er we want a holiday just us so no they’re not invited’ and that be the end of it but things are obviously a bit more complicated for you. I hope you feel pleased you’ve been able to stand your ground.