AIBU for not inviting family to Center Parcs?

[Saju1]

My sister is annoyed for not inviting her son (my nephew) to CP.

I have booked a lodge to celebrate my birthday, and there is room for 1 more person, however I don't want anyone else to come. The issue I have is that she treats my nephew like a child when he is an adult, therefore I am going to have to collect him and take him home, that adds an extra hour to the car journey (it already takes 1.5 hours) when I already have a young baby in a car. I am going to have to babysit and pay for all of their food and activities.

Also, my nephew doesn't call me on my birthday, so I feel like they just want a free holiday.

AIBU? If not, how do I tell her I can't take him?

So why....

therefore I am going to have to collect him and take him home, that adds an extra hour to the car journey (it already takes 1.5 hours) when I already have a young baby in a car. I am going to have to babysit and pay for all of their food and activities.

No it doesn’t. OP doesn’t want him there, he doesn’t go, just as if the nephew was NT.

your sister hasn’t asked you directly so you should ignore it.

If she does ask just say it’s not a good idea, if she was going then it would be fine but you don’t want your nephew to feel bored or excluded because your attention will be on the baby and you won’t be able to give him any focus!

OP - you have obviously been raised with this idea that holidays and events are wider than just immediate family, but with a new baby, can I suggest you change the way things have been done before?

make this the last group holiday. You don’t go with anyone but your DH and dc. If your parents complain you can easily say “we’d love to sometimes go with you two, but you’d insist on Aunt coming, and then sister will feel she and her ds are being left out, and then it’s a massive thing again. So it’ll just be me and dh and the baby, because you wouldn’t be happy to join us unless everyone does.” Decline group holidays invites.

I would tell everyone that the holiday is cancelled, then go away with just your partner & baby.

Your family sound like a nightmare inviting themselves/other people. Tell them all to do one.

Why is your aunt getting involved? Does she think you should invite your nephew and that's why she's talking behind your back?

This.

Your sister is a CF, but so is your mother asking for your aunt to come too.

Completely agree with this. My DS has severe autism and my siblings have made an effort to educate themselves by asking me questions and doing basic online research. He’s their family and I’d do the same if it were my DN.
YANBU to not want to take him on your holiday. YABVU to not know ‘much about autism’ when you’ve had 18 years to do a little bit of reading or even ask your DSis some questions.

You should have seen this coming when you invited your parents. That was your mistake. So now either suck it up or cancel and rebook for just your nuclear family.

It clarifies why an 18 year old would want to go, as per the post I was quoting. 🙄

He’s 18 and you don’t know much about autism…..?

and you wonder why she treats him like a child and not an adult…riiiiight

My DH was from a large family. SIL always wanted everyone to be invited to everything so that no one felt left out. She had good intentions but I got sick of it. It became complicated and no one could go anywhere alone or with just some family members and not others. We once booked a holiday with PIL's and invited 2 nephews as there was room in the accomodation. SIL turned up on a neighbouring campsite with 3 other nieces and nephews.

On the other hand CP is expensive and if there's a spare bed I would definately fill it, but if you OP have booked and paid then the participents are your choice

@keepcalm11 thank you OP

Go as your little family and enjoy it! Just say to your sister exactly that - you want time with your little one without worrying about anyone else. You want to do activities aimed at babies/young children and im pretty sure he wont want to be in the toddler pool! Im sure an 18 year old would rather be with his mates!

Thank you @LimeCheesecake

Thank you @Newmum0322

Thank you @Hellybelly84

She treats him like a child and a few og your other tones towards him aren't nice tbh. And that was a major drip feed.

@PrincessConsuelaBanana I know the basics about autism, I have a lot of patience with him, and never judge him. I have a massive family, and don't spend that much time with him, but if I did I definitely would.

I know he requires of a lot of caring, and I don't plan to be a carer for my nephew during my birthday week.

And that's perfectly fine.but his autism explains alot from your sister side too.
And your whole tone of an 18 year old man before this was lending posters to a different view of this adult male.giving us his diagnosis then gets rid of all that and explains everything.bwfote that he was getting a bad rap because of how you set the scene

Whose birthday is it again? And how come your Mum imposed your aunt on this trip that YOU booked for YOUR birthday?

Your whole family sound an entitled bunch, frankly.

@Saju1 I don’t blame you not wanting to be a carer for anyone on your birthday holiday. Which is why I said YANBU for not wanting to take your DN. 100% you are definitely not BU!

YABU in my opinion however for not knowing ‘much about autism’, when your nephew is severely autistic. Which were your own words. Your tone about him is a bit off in this thread to be honest, as others have said. Giving you the benefit of the doubt, It might just be because you’re frustrated your family are putting you in an awkward position that you’re coming across that way.

Your sister is a cheeky fucker. So is your mother.

Do you think that your parents/aunt might try and guilt trip you?

when I was younger I spent years and years feeling that I had to do things like this, now I am older and wiser I can see I was being emotionally blackmailed to invite family to events that to be honest, when I have it has completely changed the whole vibe.

I wish I’d been stronger and said no more.
you don’t have to give a reason.

@HappyNannie thank you