AIBU for not inviting family to Center Parcs?

[Saju1]

My sister is annoyed for not inviting her son (my nephew) to CP.

I have booked a lodge to celebrate my birthday, and there is room for 1 more person, however I don't want anyone else to come. The issue I have is that she treats my nephew like a child when he is an adult, therefore I am going to have to collect him and take him home, that adds an extra hour to the car journey (it already takes 1.5 hours) when I already have a young baby in a car. I am going to have to babysit and pay for all of their food and activities.

Also, my nephew doesn't call me on my birthday, so I feel like they just want a free holiday.

AIBU? If not, how do I tell her I can't take him?

Take the 18 year old as a babysitter
And take yourself off to the spa
Say
#yes sis i was looking for a manny to come, i ll pay accomodation and food if he can be in charge of the babies six hours per day " he can have evenings free to himself . "

The severely autistic teenager that needs care himself?

She only just said that.

I would tell your aunt that bigger places aren't available, so she can't come. She wasn't invited by you, so don't let her go.

As far as your nephew's concerned, you say he has severe autism, but then suggest he should pay for himself. Or were you thinking his mum should pay for him? Either way, it's up to you who comes on your holiday - other people shouldn't be gatecrashing it.

This does remind me a bit of SIL who complained (via MIL) when we booked to go to Elveden CP that we were selfish not to have gone to Longleat as they could then have visited us on a day pass. Elveden is an hour away from us, Longleat much further. And we wouldn’t have wanted to invite them on our holiday anyway.

Why do people feel so entitled to join others on their holidays?

Why do you have to collect him when hes's 18 and can drive or use public transport. Who would you be babysitting for? You don't mean your nephew surely?

As I suspected, your DSis wants a break and is hoping you will take him on holiday so she can have one. It's ok if you don't feel up for doing this.

I think she should like the type to meet any “excuses” you make with a “solution”.

Best just to say, “no sis, on this occasion it’s not the break we had in mind.”

So the bedrooms thing would be a lovely idea except she’ll probably meet it will “oh he can sleep on the sofa” or something.

Nip it in the bud, call your sister and tell her he's not able to come. Sod all this Chinese whispers through other family members.

I assumed you were taking young children, not a baby, and that your nephew was 8 not 18. In my mind taking an 8 year old to spend time with his similar aged cousins would have been a kind thing to do. Heck, was I wrong!!!!

It's understandable that your DSis wants a break from looking after her DSis, but shouldn't feel that you need to sacrifice your trip.

If I was feeling guilty (not that you should) then I would tell the aunt that she can go back to your DSis with a 'yes' if she agrees to fund DN and be his full-time carer for the trip.

Looking after her *DS

Just don't invite him. You don't even need to explain why to anybody. He's not invited, you're not picking him up, he will not spend the week-end at CP. Your sister might want you to take him, but you will not do such thing.

You've lost all my sympathy. Yanbu about just wanting to have a quiet family holiday. You're an adult, pull up your big girl pants and lay some boundaries.
UABVFU to say 'to be honest I don't know much about autism'. This is your sister's son. Your nephew. You've known him since he was born. And you don't know much about autism? Did it never cross your mind to look into it? That's pathetic.

Would an 18 year old lad even want to go on a break with his aunt and young family? Very odd of your sister to suggest it.

I've never understood this weird family dynamic where people in the family feel the need to invite themselves on other family members holidays or just turned up thinking that because they are related that somehow makes them entitled to just do as they wish without thinking of said family members feelings. A good example of this is whenever my now ex husband and I would go away on a staycation with our kids my in laws (his mum and dad) used to always just turn up when really we just wanted a quiet family break away from everyone else I eventually got wise got us our passports and I knew they wouldn't fly so would never get a passport and we started going abroad soon stopped all the just turning up etc I honestly can't stand ppl that think it's OK to get themselves involved in someone else's family time.

It's your birthday treat, a time where you really should be enjoying yourself and not having to be a 'babysitter' to your sisters child no matter how old.
Don't be pushed into or feel guilty about not taking your nephew if your sister wants him to have a holiday no one's stopping her taking him away somewhere.

Have a rethink OP about your booking and changing your villa again. In your situation, I'd just go away with my DH and DC. Why on earth are you paying for everyone to go away ?

Sorry, why on earth are you paying for everyone to go away on your birthday? Not much of a birthday treat for you when it's costing loads and other people's expectations are stressing you out

Um, you just decline? Why does you sister have or seek to have such influence over you?

No is a full sentence. Or "that doesn't work for me" if you must, on repeat.

Whilst I see your point you are being a little harsh, we don't know age of OP or anything about her.

I know lots of parents that have autistic kids and they have no real clue of how entwined the autistic characteristics are in their kids... Personally I have researched autism for years 15ish years I'm 30 and I find it so easy to identify autistic individuals some even prior to them having and knowledge of them having it themself. It's okay for people not to understand, but imo thats more of a reason for OP not to take her nephew... Especially if he is severely autistic, I think the sister has a cheek tbh. My son is autistic (9) my BD is autistic (13) and I can honestly say the older they're getting the more difficult/bigger adjustment are needing to be made. Definitely not anyone's idea of a 'holiday' in my experience.

Do you have problems saying no to your family? I’m genuinely baffled how you’ve got into the position where on your birthday you’re paying for a holiday for your mum and aunt and are being lined up to provide respite care for your nephew.

Did you want your mum to go or were you persuaded into that? I’d be really tempted to get a smaller villa for just you, your partner and baby and tell everyone else to sod off.

So odd. Put on the big girl pants is right. I mean bringing your parents fine if you want to & they might be a help with the baby. But bringing an Aunt? Who then goes tattling to your sister who starts cribbing you are not bringing her 18 yr old son??

Just tell her that you don't want the responsibility of looking after your nephew or anyone else on this occasion. It's your birthday and you just want a trip away to relax with your DH and baby. End of story!

If she says oh Mum & Dad will look after him, just say 'no, sorry, I've told you, I don't want anyone else to come on this occasion. It was meant to be a holiday and birthday treat for me, and now everyone else wants to hijack it, so NO, it's simply not happening.