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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

921 replies

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:07

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
Blowyourowntrumpet · 28/11/2022 21:49

Good for you OP

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 21:51

Quick update - she phoned me. Crying! Sorry she had upset me, didn’t mean to offend me. She said she only suggested a taxi as it’s our Christmas meal and she thought it would be nice for us to both have a drink! She also called me out and said that I didn’t given her a lift for 5 years. We didn’t go during lockdown! Unbelievable!

I said tbh, it wasn’t really working for me. I have a busy life and job and actually really enjoy some quiet, thinking time in the car so I would be going on my own from now on. I’m disappointed that she has been such a CF but it feels good to have taken control without completely falling out and making things very awkward.
Thanks for all the comments and advice. Mumsnet at its finest!

OP posts:
ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/11/2022 21:51

I too want a hint as to the nature of this hobby.

faghagging · 28/11/2022 21:52

I bet you £80 she says her taxi is cancelled and she can't get home to try to get a lift on the return journey.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 28/11/2022 21:52

She cited lockdown to say you hadn't quite done her the favour you think you had?? What a complete and utter ass.

She's crying because she'll have to skip the gin and drive herself, or fork out for a taxi service.

Shinyandnew1 · 28/11/2022 21:53

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 21:51

Quick update - she phoned me. Crying! Sorry she had upset me, didn’t mean to offend me. She said she only suggested a taxi as it’s our Christmas meal and she thought it would be nice for us to both have a drink! She also called me out and said that I didn’t given her a lift for 5 years. We didn’t go during lockdown! Unbelievable!

I said tbh, it wasn’t really working for me. I have a busy life and job and actually really enjoy some quiet, thinking time in the car so I would be going on my own from now on. I’m disappointed that she has been such a CF but it feels good to have taken control without completely falling out and making things very awkward.
Thanks for all the comments and advice. Mumsnet at its finest!

Bloody cheek! Hope she enjoys her taxi ride there and back again!

squidgybits · 28/11/2022 21:53

Go you! I am sorry that your kindness was mistaken for weakness, believe me, that is how they see it
Enjoy your event X

Peashoots · 28/11/2022 21:53

Unreal 😂 her cheekiness knows know bounds. Well done op for standing your ground. Agreed I bet she tries to get a lift home from you!

Snugglemonkey · 28/11/2022 21:54

honeylulu · 28/11/2022 20:13

I would have said "your half of the petrol costs for the past 5 years is £XXX. You can take my £40 for the taxi out of that. let me know when you can transfer the balance".

I would go with this.

TheNewlmprovedMrsMadEvans · 28/11/2022 21:54

Tell her to enjoy the Taxi ride and the drinks and food, good luck in finding someone cheaper for the next time as it seems expensive and a lot of money for one person to pay. See you there sweet cheeks .

1dontunderstand · 28/11/2022 21:54

I wish I had the brass neck of some people.

I would have responded “how are you going to get there if I don’t drive you?”

and when she confirmed that she was going to drive or take a taxi, I would’ve said “great I’ll go with you, seeing as how I’ve taken you for 5 years, and not charged you”

oakleaffy · 28/11/2022 21:55

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 21:51

Quick update - she phoned me. Crying! Sorry she had upset me, didn’t mean to offend me. She said she only suggested a taxi as it’s our Christmas meal and she thought it would be nice for us to both have a drink! She also called me out and said that I didn’t given her a lift for 5 years. We didn’t go during lockdown! Unbelievable!

I said tbh, it wasn’t really working for me. I have a busy life and job and actually really enjoy some quiet, thinking time in the car so I would be going on my own from now on. I’m disappointed that she has been such a CF but it feels good to have taken control without completely falling out and making things very awkward.
Thanks for all the comments and advice. Mumsnet at its finest!

Crying!!!!???
Oh , manipulative tears 😭 more like!
I’m seriously impressed with your resolve,
Well done !

MeJane · 28/11/2022 21:55

I'd book a hotel just so she couldn't try to get a lift home.

And get a taxi back to the hotel!

Mojoj · 28/11/2022 21:56

I wouldn't send it. I'd go and have it out with her. What a cheeky cow.

oakleaffy · 28/11/2022 21:57

Bet she was the 2% that thought OP was Being Unreasonable , too……

TheNewlmprovedMrsMadEvans · 28/11/2022 21:57

Well done Op l am so pleased for you 👏👏👏

Remainiac · 28/11/2022 21:58

Called you out because it wasn’t really 5 years as you didn’t go during lockdown 😳. I’m glad I don’t have her nerve in my tooth!

Omgiache · 28/11/2022 22:00

Absolutely send that!

she is one CF…

Emotionalsupportviper · 28/11/2022 22:01

Shinyandnew1 · 28/11/2022 21:15

Would anyone like a little side bet that the CF will ask for a lift home from the event rather than pay out for the taxi ?

Almost certainly! And will ask in front of lots of other people in the hope that OP will be a pushover and agree to the lift to avoid a confrontation.

I think she will, too.

OP - whether you stay on or not, say you are.

Noodlehen · 28/11/2022 22:02

oakleaffy · 28/11/2022 21:57

Bet she was the 2% that thought OP was Being Unreasonable , too……

😂😂😂 i went through looking for any comments who explained the rationale behind that vote too!

although most posts on here where it’s pretty clear that everyone would go YABU or YANBU seems to be 98% / 2% , I assume mods do it to get us scrolling through / increase traffic.

Dixiechickonhols · 28/11/2022 22:05

Well done for standing firm. She’s crying because she’s shot herself in foot. Fancy arguing about how many lifts you’ve given her. You’ve given her plenty and she’s paid 0 and given no lifts. Don’t feel guilty.

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 22:08

I’ve just been reading back through some of your responses. Hilarious! 😂

For those asking what the hobby is, it’s nothing weird (or dodgy) honestly lol - it a photography / arty / fashion thing.. about 15/20 of us turn up and then we all go for some pub grub afterwards.. it’s a really lovely group. I enjoy it a lot..
it’s one of the few things I actually do for myself these days tbh… so I am glad I’ve shaken her off!
I am going to treat myself and book a room as some of you have suggested.
Thanks again everyone!

OP posts:
faghagging · 28/11/2022 22:09

Aw dammit, I had my money on furries. 😆

RoyKeaneisRight · 28/11/2022 22:11

Well done OP, I think this comes under her cutting off her nose to spite her face.

MountainChalet · 28/11/2022 22:12

Good for you OP. Hope you have a lovely time.