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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

921 replies

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:07

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
Emotionalsupportviper · 28/11/2022 22:12

Please let us know what happens on The Night, OP.

I am ridiculously over-invested in this, and being a nosey ole trout would love to know if she a) tries to cadge a lift back; b) doesn't go at all; c) drives herself; d) finds another soft-hearted soul to leech off.

SunshineAndFizz · 28/11/2022 22:12

Good for you OP. Excellent outcome x x

Paq · 28/11/2022 22:13

Well done OP but I hope someone sets her straight!

DaisyChristina · 28/11/2022 22:15

Glad you are booking a room, you can enjoy yourself without thinking your neighbour will be wheedling for a lift back home.

Wetblanket78 · 28/11/2022 22:17

Exactly this ^

Sodonewiththisshit · 28/11/2022 22:18

The others will almost certainly assume she pays for petrol.

MsFogi · 28/11/2022 22:31

I wonder if the CF is also one of those people who suggest splitting the bill equally even though OP hasn't been drinking.

murasaki · 28/11/2022 22:32

She'll be trying to crash in your room for sure...

ThreeblackCats · 28/11/2022 22:33

Slightly off topic @Pinot4me but if you can’t get a local hotel, it’s worth looking at Airbnb. They can often be right on the doorstep of where you’re visiting.
Congratulations on dumping the CF, have a great weekend.

Tillybobbins · 28/11/2022 22:39

I was once in exactly your position and was quite vocal about my exasperation with the cheeky fuckery. Our mutual (involved) friend thought me mean even though the CF drove when it suited her, openly kept down her car’s mileage and argued her car might be damaged in a car park. She too liked to drink.
Consequently I’ve learned to be less obvious: to say I’m not going then “change my mind at the last minute” or to “fail to hear” any request for a lift. Such CFs need to be played at their own game.

TwinklyBranch · 28/11/2022 22:42

Hang on, in the OP you said you couldn't afford £40 and now you're booking a hotel room? Hmm

ThePoshUns · 28/11/2022 22:43

faghagging · 28/11/2022 22:09

Aw dammit, I had my money on furries. 😆

Snort!

squidgybits · 28/11/2022 22:43

Emotionalsupportviper · 28/11/2022 22:12

Please let us know what happens on The Night, OP.

I am ridiculously over-invested in this, and being a nosey ole trout would love to know if she a) tries to cadge a lift back; b) doesn't go at all; c) drives herself; d) finds another soft-hearted soul to leech off.

This please!
You rock OP! and have made me rethink some shady relationships, TYVM X

WineIsMyMainVice · 28/11/2022 22:43

RandomBanto · 28/11/2022 20:09

Id say more along the lines of 'well I've given you a lift a few times and you've never contributed to my petrol - so this time you pay the full £80 and we'll call it even '

I would also go with this

Shinyandnew1 · 28/11/2022 22:44

Our mutual (involved) friend thought me mean

They don’t sound much of a friend either, tbh!

MadelineUsher · 28/11/2022 22:44

First she wants to split the taxi fare, now she wants to split hairs!

Nextlevelnonsense · 28/11/2022 22:46

TwinklyBranch · 28/11/2022 22:42

Hang on, in the OP you said you couldn't afford £40 and now you're booking a hotel room? Hmm

You found the thread?

Meltingsocks · 28/11/2022 22:47

TwinklyBranch · 28/11/2022 22:42

Hang on, in the OP you said you couldn't afford £40 and now you're booking a hotel room? Hmm

@TwinklyBranch

I so wanted this to be real! Oh well.

Tillybobbins · 28/11/2022 22:52

Could you say one of the group has invited you to stay overnight with them to rub her nose in it?

Usernameisunavailable · 28/11/2022 22:52

Well handled OP, bravo. She’s a cheeky fucker.

Tillybobbins · 28/11/2022 22:55

Our (mutual) involved friend who thought me mean…
…is no more.
They’re welcome to each other.

Iloveacurry · 28/11/2022 22:56

Well done op!

Shinyandnew1 · 28/11/2022 22:58

Nextlevelnonsense · 28/11/2022 22:46

You found the thread?

What thread?

MummyofTw0 · 28/11/2022 22:59

Welldone.
Personally I wouldn't have had the guts to handle this head on but you did well x

Sparklybutold · 28/11/2022 23:04

OP - beware as the daily fail will likely pick this thread up