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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Lift for 5 years - AIBU?

921 replies

Pinot4me · 28/11/2022 20:07

I go to a hobby / interest 4 times a year. It’s a 60 mile round trip but it’s worth it. I really enjoy it and have met some lovely people.
We always go for a meal afterwards. I can never drink because I am always driving. 5 years ago somebody from the same village as me joined the group. She isn’t really a friend, more a neighbour that I am friendly with. She drove herself there for the first couple of times and then asked me if I would give her a lift. I naturally assumed that we would lift share but it just never happened.
She has never offered to drive me or contributed towards my fuel costs. So, basically we all go out and she has several drinks with her meal and I can only have one small one and we leave.

I have taken some annual leave next week and I asked her if she would drive as I really fancied having a few drinks for a change. She very reluctantly agreed but it was awkward and I could see she wasn’t keen.
She has messaged me today saying that she can’t imagine going out and not being able to have a few drinks (grim ) and that she had booked a taxi at a cost of £80 return. She then said so, half n half £40 each..

AIBU to be annoyed? I can’t afford £40 and I think she is cheeky to ask given that she has had free lifts for 5 years!

I’ve composed the following response but haven’t sent it yet… I suppose I am sense checking in case I am the one who is being unreasonable.

“ I can confirm that is indeed pretty grim to drive whilst everyone else drinks. It is what I do every time we go. I’m not up for sharing a taxi - I can’t afford it. Don’t worry about it, I will see you there”.

I honestly don’t feel inclined to give her a lift in future but don’t want the hassle of feeling awkward or causing upset.

Thoughts please.

OP posts:
Idratherbepaddleboarding · 28/11/2022 20:09

I think that’s a good message to send.

FlappyFish · 28/11/2022 20:09

I’d send it. If she really doesn’t want to drive she should be sucking up the cost. You’ve done it enough times. The list arrangement and unfairness will stop either way now.

RandomBanto · 28/11/2022 20:09

Id say more along the lines of 'well I've given you a lift a few times and you've never contributed to my petrol - so this time you pay the full £80 and we'll call it even '

LBFseBrom · 28/11/2022 20:09

She is taking the piss (and obviously likes being out on the piss). Your message is entirely appropriate. Nobody needs alcohol to have a good time.

Exasperatednow · 28/11/2022 20:11

It's a good response.

CareBear50 · 28/11/2022 20:11

She is so rude and a totally tight cow. I'd be raging.

Yes I think your response is measured. Good luck OP x

RoyKeanesBeard · 28/11/2022 20:11

Good for you op. You're right, she's a CF.

OwwwMuuuum · 28/11/2022 20:11

Is she a friend that it’s otherwise worth putting up with this for?

if not, hit send. It’s a good message.

amiold · 28/11/2022 20:12

Your message is fine

Think I'd be inclined to add "I wish someone had halved the cost with me all the times Ive footed the bill for travel"

trailerandtractor · 28/11/2022 20:12

Brilliant. Send it!

whiteroseredrose · 28/11/2022 20:12

RandomBanto · 28/11/2022 20:09

Id say more along the lines of 'well I've given you a lift a few times and you've never contributed to my petrol - so this time you pay the full £80 and we'll call it even '

This hits the spot really

GoonerGirl5231 · 28/11/2022 20:12

What a cheeky mare! I can't believe in five years she hasn't offered a penny. She's probably one of those people who rationalises it as you'd be going anyway so why should she. I would be inclined to message back and be a lot firmer.

'I can confirm indeed it is very grim to have to drive there and back and not drink. I do it every time. Considering I've been giving you lifts there and back for five years, perhaps you could cover the entire cost of the taxi in lieu of all the petrol I've used?'

Then, if she says no, say you'll see her there and refuse to give her lifts going forward.

Jagley · 28/11/2022 20:12

Send it, she's taken the piss for far too long. I'd want to say she can oh for the taxi as you've driven her far too long. But tbh I wouldn't trust her to pay the whole amount on the day.

UrsulaPandress · 28/11/2022 20:12

Agree - tell her she can pay for the taxi to cover the cost of all the lifts you’ve given her.

jetadore · 28/11/2022 20:13

She’s a cheeky fucker. Send it.

bloodywhitecat · 28/11/2022 20:13

Send it.

honeylulu · 28/11/2022 20:13

I would have said "your half of the petrol costs for the past 5 years is £XXX. You can take my £40 for the taxi out of that. let me know when you can transfer the balance".

Trianglesquarerectangle · 28/11/2022 20:14

Def send it

TheDuck2018 · 28/11/2022 20:14

Absolutely send it....the cheeky mare!!

SerenaTee · 28/11/2022 20:14

GoonerGirl5231 · 28/11/2022 20:12

What a cheeky mare! I can't believe in five years she hasn't offered a penny. She's probably one of those people who rationalises it as you'd be going anyway so why should she. I would be inclined to message back and be a lot firmer.

'I can confirm indeed it is very grim to have to drive there and back and not drink. I do it every time. Considering I've been giving you lifts there and back for five years, perhaps you could cover the entire cost of the taxi in lieu of all the petrol I've used?'

Then, if she says no, say you'll see her there and refuse to give her lifts going forward.

This version hits the spot, cheeky so-and-so!

RaininSummer · 28/11/2022 20:14

I like your message.

BMW6 · 28/11/2022 20:14

Flipping heck she's got some bloody nerve!

I'd add that you've been driving her there and back for 5 YEARS and in all that time she's never offered petrol money nor bought you so much as a bottle of plonk to say Thank You.

Furthermore I'd tell her that the right thing for her to do would pay for the taxi entirely as a thank you for 5 years of your petrol costs, but as she hasn't had the grace to recognise how much of an ungrateful mare she has been you'll be driving yourself from now on and she can get stuffed if she thinks you will ever give her a lift anywhere ever again.

You can tell I'm rather cross for you 😡

ElegantlyTouched · 28/11/2022 20:15

Whilst I'd be tempted to say you'll accept the £40 as her contribution to the last 5 years and you'll do turn about from now on I'd probably just send your text and never go with her again.

Or simply reply with "LOL, you're so funny! I'll see you there!"

IglesiasPiggl · 28/11/2022 20:15

Definitely include the petrol costs comment. Not once has she suggested sharing that!

boboshmobo · 28/11/2022 20:15

Well done , I hate takers !