Leave work and be a stay at home single mum

[alexaakkxx]

just wondering if anyone has done what the title says?

I am a single mother to 2 children who are 6 and 2. I work a very stressful full time job that doesn’t pay the best and in all honestly I don’t really enjoy it at all.

i currently get UC help with childcare costs but even after this, I still am not left with much and quite frankly I would probably get around the same amount from UC to stay at home with my 2 year old.

I have applied for college as I think going to university is the best option for me as I’m not and never been sure what I want to do as a career and always been in boring admin jobs.

I know I will never get the time back that I could have now with my young children and with my job, I hardly see them as when I’m home it’s dinner bath and bed and they are with their dad 3 nights a week.

Has anyone quit their job and stayed at home as a single mum or will this be a big regret of mine?

‘Still not understanding the moral difference between SAHP with both parents together and single parent who doesn't work.’

staying at home while your partner works to support you VERSUS choosing not to work while claiming benefits are two very different things.
I’d also presume that someone choosing to be a SAHP will have enough money to pay for everything they need via their partners job whereas letting to live off benefits harder, generally speaking, as it’s not actually that much money.

And as for ‘morals’ - choosing to live off benefits over working to support yourself when there are no physical or mental health barriers to doing so is morally dubious as far as I’m concerned.
I’m not some Tory either, I’m WC and have always worked sometimes in shitty, tough low-paid jobs, and generally believe in the benefits system.
I think OP is incredibly naive to think that choosing to go in benefits is somehow going to be better somehow for her and her child.

Definitely go to uni op it will change your life and financially it’s a good choice too. I’m now doing my second degree!

So the difference is... a man

Women are way more trapped being in a relationship with a man who earns and therefore controls all the money than they are on benefits.

Living on student finance and tax credits was do-able because you get student finance on top of tax credits. This is not the case now with Universal credit - student loan is virtually deducted pound for pound from UC making it very difficult.

Things may have changed since 2018 and circumstance, ages of D.C. etc are different but UC was paid if you were at university as you weren’t seeking work and one of the requirements is you are seeking work

Good luck OP - your future is a lovely big adventure ahead of you! 🙏

but for the love of god don’t fuck it up by hitching your wagon to a random penis!

That does make it tougher, but I'm assuming OP has done the sums and checked she can afford it.
There may be other variables such as the fact that I have never received maintenance from my (selfish, self employed) ex husband.
I'm not saying it's easy, but worth it on a number of levels.
The biggest being that I had choices over work and workbpatterns that I would never have otherwise had.

@HowieDBreakfastBeef
‘So the difference is... a man’

well, I’m a woman and married to a woman. So no, Not a man. nor does a SAHP have to be a woman if you’re married to a man. Obvs.

the difference is - someone in your partnership is earning money to support the family unit rather than choosing not to work in favour of living off benefits.

That’s the difference between someone choosing to be a SAHP when you have enough money to live off without claiming benefits verses not being arsed to work because you can claim benefits.

and to be clear, I’m not suggesting that most people on UC choose to be on them as OP is saying she’s thinking of, I am aware that most people on UC would prefer to be able to work.

I think it's a great idea. You can invest in yourself, build skills and in the longer term make better provision for yourself and your children. Post covid, learning has become incredibly flexible. University courses can be done online, and there are a range of jobs where you can have your employer pay to train you or even put you through Uni. Uni academic courses are expensive and sometime dont transfer directly into workplace skills and specialisms. There are also apprenticeships and ways of springboarding from your administrative experience into much higher paid roles. For example, from admin and good IT skills you could move into coding and software (and have your employer train you ), if you've done compliance admin and youre maths based you could do ATT (then onto CIMA/ACA/CTA or look for a BSC in ac/finance), alternatively from admin you could move into data protection (and sit the CIPP or other data protection qualification), you could move into document/ contract management/procurement (and do diplomas specialising in contract management and risk) etc. Maybe start backwards. Look on jobs boards at the jobs you'd like to do, and the skills, experience and qualifications they are asking for and see if you can plot yourself a path forward. Also time spent with children and loved ones is time well spent. The quality of time and provision often increased with opportunities (and its hard work creating those opportunities). But nobody died wishing they'd spent longer grinding in a dead-end office, or doing more housework.

People are often very quiet about SAHP who have a partner and get benefits? This scenario is perfectly possible and I bet people would be less willing to tell them to get back to work. And yes to the person who said why aren't the absent parents held to account? Why is a child being raised with the help of benefits the fault of the person who is there day in and day out, doing what they can round the needs of that child rather than the person who cleared off and contributes pocket money sums if anything at all? You can work yourself into the ground to provide and society points the finger because you get a few quid to help with housing and childcare (ironically so you can work). Your ex turns up when he can be arsed, takes the kids to the park or something and he's a bloody hero for being "so involved", "bothering with his kids" etc. I have no time for single mum (or parent but in general it's mums) bashing.

‘People are often very quiet about SAHP who have a partner and get benefits?’

Two people unemployed and claiming benefits when they’re capable of working isn’t any better than a line parent doing the same.
if you can work, then work.
being on benefits shouldn’t be a lifestyle choice.

It shouldn’t be a lifestyle choice. Claiming benefits should be a last resort and only for those who have no other option. Imagine if all the other parents who work thought the same as you and decided actually nah can’t be arsed I’ll just let the state look after me and my offspring instead. There would soon be a real problem in terms of collectible taxes. Then where would your benefits be? Oh dear

@Scatterbrainbox thank you so much. I definitely think the uni route is the way forward for me! Like another poster has said though, I spoke to someone at UC and I wouldn’t get a penny from them if I went to university as the student loan is considered income. It wouldn’t be a lot but I could definitely get by!

student debt does worry me a lot though! But I’ve heard from friends that went to uni that you don’t even see it leave your salary as it’s such a small percentage every month!

‘I definitely think the uni route is the way forward for me!’

this is entirely different from quitting work to be a SAHP and living of UC.
good luck, OP -
most unis have hardship funds and similar support for students with responsibilities like young kids so look into those as your applying too.

This is the problem isn't it? I don't blame the OP as I feel the same. Partner and I work FT, most of the benefit of doing this has landed with the nursery, not in our accounts. It really does feel you work for nothing these days, no interesting, secure future, just working to exist.

OP I would look at PT and if you get the same for that. I would at least work as it provides a break from being a parent and keeps something on your CV.

It's weird some people's attitude on here. I know some people who would say benefits is not a lifestyle choice, but they themselves were on income support and did not work when they had young kids. I'm not sure what difference 30 or 40 years have made?

I would say when you say your good at admin. Most admin jobs lead to a career, most people start at the bottom why not try find a job in admin but in a department that interests you.

Working helps to keep you stimulated and feel like you’re something other than just a mum.

Financially working 16hrs will always be a key number to be better off I’m speaking from a background in benefits and personal experience as a previous single mum.

Once you get funding and your little one turns three you’ll be financially better off, also this then gives you available days to go to college that’s my advice.

Drop to part time and do an Access course, they’re either 2 days a week for 1 year or 1 day a week for 2 years.

I did it over 1 year, worked the 3 days I wasn’t at college, then went to Uni. Did a STEM degree so couldn’t work whilst at Uni as I was timetabled in every day Mon-Fri with lectures from 9am and as late as 5pm.

This proves exactly what all the “benefit bashers” are saying…. Benefits are now a lifestyle choice.

Disgraceful.

Great…. Let’s all do this then! Let’s all quit our jobs, rely on benefits and invest in ourselves!

Yanbu. Having worked since 16 and going back when my oldest was 2 months, I gave up working when he turned 4 so I could be a single sahm for the last year before he went to school. I dont regret it for a second, it was one of the happiest years of my life. Yes I was poor (this was 20ish years ago) and I think I got about £110 a week in benefits after rent but I didn't smoke or lead a lavish lifestyle and my son never went without. When he started school I went back to work and started uni. Now a high earner and I wouldn't begrudge anyone else taking that breather. I wouldn't recommend as a long term thing, but when your children are so little, I think it can make sense.

If you have a solid plan to train to get a better career, and you can afford to give up work, then yes, I would do it. You can end up trapped in low paid work for the rest of your life otherwise. You need to research it carefully though - research thoroughly the benefit entitlements. Have a place on a course lined up etc.

I work for the government and I can confirm you will not have any period of time without money if you are already claiming universal credit. However if you are not going back to university you may be required to attend job centre interviews, for help in looking for new employment. I can say hand on heart the I find the only thing unreasonable about this post is the fact that people are trying to put you off returning to education to better yourself and find a better paying job for you and your children. Women are now expected to parent like they don’t work and work like they don’t have children. If that is what you want to do then do it and pay no heed to anyone else. Also check out the website entitled to for information on how much you are entitled to and double check bursary information with your college.