Leave work and be a stay at home single mum

[alexaakkxx]

just wondering if anyone has done what the title says?

I am a single mother to 2 children who are 6 and 2. I work a very stressful full time job that doesn’t pay the best and in all honestly I don’t really enjoy it at all.

i currently get UC help with childcare costs but even after this, I still am not left with much and quite frankly I would probably get around the same amount from UC to stay at home with my 2 year old.

I have applied for college as I think going to university is the best option for me as I’m not and never been sure what I want to do as a career and always been in boring admin jobs.

I know I will never get the time back that I could have now with my young children and with my job, I hardly see them as when I’m home it’s dinner bath and bed and they are with their dad 3 nights a week.

Has anyone quit their job and stayed at home as a single mum or will this be a big regret of mine?

There is something wrong with the system if it’s a better to be claiming benefits than working.

Financially, you should be better off working than not working.

I have worked mine out several times and I’m always better off working and earning more than I would be not working or earning less.

Although, if you are a single parent and have a burnout or stress condition sometimes the extra money isn’t worth the extra stress.

I would also be careful about this if you rent privately - slightly different if you have social housing or gave a mortgage. If you needed to move then getting something else whilst not working is a big challenge in many areas of the country.

If you do have social housing/mortgage I would probably look at cutting hours to 25 a week and probably a slight add on with UC if you are poorly paid. Go onto 'entitled to ' and play with some figures- I accept that some on here will not like that you can essentially be not much worse off - but it is what it is - and for many single parents full time modestly paid work combined with high rents really doesn't pay- blame the system- blame rental payments without rent caps/controls!

Understand your perspective and why you might be interested in doing that. However it's not nice to have to hear it and think we may have to pay for it.

@Crikeyalmighty but of an assumption there, OP is a homeowner with a fixed rate mortgage

no we have a very small unemployment rate- what we have is a society where rich individuals/ conglomerates can get away with grossly underpaying the workforce and see public money prop them up to just surviving- whilst simultaneously telling people to be grateful!

I would say that you probably want to sit and really consider whether you want to be a woman with a career who puts family first or a career woman who puts work first.

If you want to make the most of the precious years you have with your kids then reducing/compressing your work hours and worst case scenario leaving your job could be the best option for you.

If you want to study consider this is something you can always do when the children are in secondary school and a little less dependant on you.

I disagree with people who are saying don't rely on the benefit system. It is not a lifetime plan but sometimes an option. The fact that you even work now means you are not just expecting the taxpayer to support you forever.

University is not going anywhere. The only thing we can't get more of is time. Especially not with our loved ones.

Follow your instincts as I believe you already know what you want :)

Lovely to see all the vitriol against those on benefits cropping up

I think robust responses rather than vitriol. Surely the reaction here is against someone giving up their job - because they don't like it - to go onto benefits rather than against people already on benefits

I don't know the ins and outs of UC, but being financially dependent on ANYONE - be it the state or a partner - is rarely a good idea. Circumstances change, goalposts move, and you simply aren't in full charge of life. Also, many landlords aren't keen on UC claimants and find ways of not renting to them, even if it's against the rules. Plus UC rent allowances tend to be lower than actual rents.

I'll add my voice to those saying that you shouldn't do a degree without a clear idea of why you are doing it, and how it will enhance your employment prospects and earning potential.

@Jenni92 thank you <3

There's always Billy Big Bollocks on here with their incredibly big work load and multitude of problems which they manage to juggle and work 58 hours a week.
Frankly, what one person can deal with, another can't. There are a plethora of variations which may mean some lone parents can't work full time, these could include

• lack of family support
• disability or mental health issues
• children who don't deal with change/ afterschool or holiday clubs well
• children with disabilities
• trauma from previous relationships meaning that it's difficult to ask for changes in plans or back up for sick days
• low energy levels
• living far from employment (such as rurally)
• not speaking English as a first language
• confidence!

I know it sounds arrogant but being a working parent takes guts! I have to go in and tell work what I want from them and what I can and can't do. If everyone is discussing a follow up meeting it takes a lot to chime in and say 'I can't do that as I have school pick up'. I notice a lot of the meeker parents leave as they don't find it flexible, you sort of have to demand that flexibility. The point is that if you have one or two of the above, you might be able to work but very few could work if they had all those factors going on. For example I have an autistic DC but luckily I have a great support network so I can work ok. If I didn't have them I don't think I would have been able to work full time as I have yet to find a holiday club or afterschool provision which is low stimulus or calm enough for her to be able to thrive. She used to bite me in distress when I dropped her off. The amount of times I have had to call in and let work know that I couldn't come in as she wouldn't let me drop her, I'm not talking about crying, but banging her head repetitively on the floor and bolting for the windows. If I was barely breaking even, I would pack it in, be there at every drop off and every holiday and probably have a less stressful and more enjoyable life.

@cinnabongene You know that it would probably cost the tax payers LESS if OP were not working, right? They DWP likely pays more towards OP's childcare than they'd ever pay OP to look after her own child.

You need to think about what's best for your family in the long term. You're going to be financially responsible for them for another 16 years. Not working will affect your future earning potential. If you are going to study, make sure it's actually worthwhile.

I've been a single parent, working full time, for years. It's hard. But I've never felt I had a choice not to.

If you have a mortgage and savings surely the money you're entitled to from UC when not working won't be much anyway?

@JustAnotherManicMomday @megletthesecond both completely wrong! As the OP has a child under 3 there is no work commitment and she can easily give up work without penalties. Once youngest turns 3 OP will be expected to look for work.

@Doyoumind savings would need to be over 16K before OP wouldn't qualify and being a homeowner doesn't impact on UC at all

Ha. Yeah. So do I. There were 122 applications for my last min wage admin job in school hours. Wonder how many of them gave up the search.

It means you're not entitled to the housing element. What will she use to pay her mortgage?

Also, any savings over £6k affect what you get.

why should the state and other people in society be responsible for you and your kids? Other people have to work so they can pay tax… to pay for benefits!! Completely unfair. You are able to work you just don’t want to. Stop being lazy . Life is hard- can you not just cut your hours instead of throwing in the towel

I know I will never get the time back that I could have now with my young children and with my job

Why do my taxes have to pay you to enable you to do this though?

You can work…so work!

I did this years ago. Quit work and claimed benefits because it was costing me more to work. I put myself through college and uni. It was worth it!

How did you get the money for college and uni?

Why not do those subjects. Proper I know have got good careers from them?

Student loan like everyone else.

I think you also need to think about the fact that if you are giving up work and studying, you are going to lose out on pension contributions for a while, which affects things as you get older and the fact that your mortgage won't be on a super low rate forever, so if you study you need a much better paid job.

Personally, I'd try to get a gig for at least part of the time your kids are with dad until September. Then no real childcare costs at all, more time with your kids. And a job that could fit in with studying later - supermarket shifts or bar/restaurant work would give you a couple of long shifts.

What about your pension? It’s not a good idea to be reliant on the state pension. Pay your own way & increase your earning power as you get older. Life will be so much more rewarding.