Leave work and be a stay at home single mum

[alexaakkxx]

just wondering if anyone has done what the title says?

I am a single mother to 2 children who are 6 and 2. I work a very stressful full time job that doesn’t pay the best and in all honestly I don’t really enjoy it at all.

i currently get UC help with childcare costs but even after this, I still am not left with much and quite frankly I would probably get around the same amount from UC to stay at home with my 2 year old.

I have applied for college as I think going to university is the best option for me as I’m not and never been sure what I want to do as a career and always been in boring admin jobs.

I know I will never get the time back that I could have now with my young children and with my job, I hardly see them as when I’m home it’s dinner bath and bed and they are with their dad 3 nights a week.

Has anyone quit their job and stayed at home as a single mum or will this be a big regret of mine?

When covid hit I was furloughed. I was on full pay so started my access to HE. Being home with my son (I’d always worked 59 hours a week) was so lovely that I left my job and claimed UC. I did work 15 hours in a completely different role and then about a year later started uni. So I reckon I claimed for a good year before starting Uni with no problems. I was never asked why I left my job and claimed immediately.

people bash UC claimants in here, but is worked a good job for 15 years and paid lots of tax, so didn’t feel at all bad claiming to better mine and my sons life for the future

Lots of women on our estate did. They lived off benefits. The problem with that is - it’s not much money, it never really increases, it’s boring, you don’t get the chance to learn new skills, your kids watch you do nowt all day.
my parents worked, for the 1st ten years the benefits people had more money, then my parents jobs/skills improved, we moved off the estate, bought a house.
those not working we’re still j in a cycle of poverty and benefits. Then their kids gets older and they get less state money.

You would be a lot worse off on Uc because you would lose the work allowance. Also UC would start pushing you to look for a job once your youngest turns 3 which is not that far away. reduce hours if it's too much but I think you'd be very foolish to give up completely.

This was my Mums predicament when we grew up. She was literally the only Mum working on our whole council estate street. She was a dinner lady so she could do school hours. She did loads of extra jobs, making pizza bases, fork lift truck driver etc

She wanted us to see her working and she'd have gone insane at home. She was £25 a week worse off than my Aunty who lived across the road and has been on benefits her whole life. The last 3 years she's done a voluntary job in a charity shop and sells the best stuff from there in eBay as a sideline now.

My Mum even though she's always worked and still does (privately rented her whole life until two years ago) has a tiny, crappy bungalow you can't swing a cat in.

It's bathroom has no tiles on the walls and is a disabled bathroom with no bath it's disgusting.

My Aunty still has the big 3 bed house her kids grew up in and could buy it for £22k and it's worth £115k, she can also pass this down to her son of he takes over the tenancy. It's paid for her to be on long term benefits.

It just doesn't seem fair.

But I would always work. I help my mum out a lot and we are hoping to buy her something soon.

Being beholden to the state though it takes something from you. Without sounding like a twat. Me, my sister and brother. We've al got brilliant careers. High earners, one of us is a multi millionaire after working their arses off for 15 years and having kids late due to this...

The children on that street I grew up with are mostly single mums in benefits still in that local area.

This is just my personal experience. I would never judge someone taking benefits if they need them. But I think it makes your world small and does have an affect....

Benefits are supposed to be a safety net. Not just for people who don’t fancy working.

Think very carefully about your financial future.
you have a mortgage and savings - will you qualify for benefits whilst you have that?
if you do, will you qualify for a mortgage as a single mother on benefits, no other income? You would need to inform your mortgage company that you have a change in circumstances- they could withdraw the mortgage.
will it be easy to go back into the job market?
how are you going to fill your day, and your child’s? You’ll need heating all day, more food, need to arrange play dates and activities. And unless you have the money for that it might be a boring and lonely existence. Especially on the days they are with their father.
why don’t you work part time if you can afford it, on those days that they are with their father?

I have done similar.

Single Mum and at the time I was 30 years old with a 3 year old. I done years of customer service and hated it. Way to many managers on power trips and being bully's.

I had a goal of what i wanted to do and decided to go back to college. I left my job in the July and started college in the August. That was back in 2016. Whilst in college i done volunteering to get experience in my field and done side courses to improve my knowledge and skills. I done 2 years at college then got the job I had been aiming for, albeit, part time and it just didn't pay enough. After 2 years in that job, I got my job I am now in. Still part time due to childcare issues, but it is well paid, I love it and it's exactly what I worked so hard for and I have no regrets at all. In around a years time I will no longer need childcare and I will be able to go full time.

It was tough, financially hard, draining and very hard work but it was completly worth it.

My advice would be not to leave your job until you have something else to go to whether that be another job, college or uni. If college or uni, pick something you have a genuine interest in. One mistake I made was that in my chosen field the hours are not suited to single Mums (backshift, weekends). I have got lucky with the days and hours I do but I would advise you to look at job adverts in your chosen field prior to applying for the course and check that there are jobs within your chosen field that is suitable to your circumstances.

*www.google.com/amp/s/www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/experts/article-2120599/amp/Do-I-need-tell-mortgage-lender-Ive-redundant.html

You don't need to tell your mortgage lender about a change in circumstances until you remortgage, as long as you can afford the payments.

Any reason you can't work the three days they are with their dad? If you don't like what you're currently doing?

This thread is why people have a problem with the benefits system and don’t support it.

Benefits are supposed to be a safety net, there to help people who have fallen on hard times and genuinely can’t work. They are not there (or shouldn’t be) to give money to people who choose not to work. I have no problem with OP getting benefits when they are at full time uni next September, to top up the student loan. However I’m not working this hard to pay taxes so op can choose to stay at home instead of going to work, just because they find their job boring and want to see more of their DC. The system needs an overhaul of this is allowed.

Working parents raise their children.

My answer on the threads about anyone staying home is always the same - parenting includes the responsibility of providing financially for your child. In a two parent home this responsibility doesn’t need to be shared equally all of the time (although it is in mine). In a one parent home it can’t be shared.

Who benefits from a parent working? The kid whose every bite of food is paid for by that work.

The system has always been the same. It's always been fucked. My daughter worked and her friend who didn't was better off. Ludicrous unfair situation.

I would take the next 12 months off, oncehr or she turns three the option will be removed and youll never have the opportunity again.

Fuck it, I might join you.

(I won’t because it’s a really bad career move).

What do you plan on studying?

@Justthisonce12 that’s my point! Thank you :)

This. If you have a mortgage you can earn up to £573 a month without it affecting your Uc at all so would be much better off doing a small amount of working hours than none at all.

Agree with some previous posters, work on the 3 nights you don’t have your children and claim UC. You won’t get the time back. During this time when you are not working FT, research college or university options and career options. Check the employability statistics of options that seem attractive. Again, as PPs have said, look at the jobs that would be accessible from your options and the likely shifts.
As I understand the OPs posts, she is not suggesting that she will remain on UC forever. A time out for maybe 8 months (whilst still working 3 evenings) while she figures out her whole future career direction for 30-40 years is not unreasonable. If successful, she will repay in tax and NI many times over. She will potentially improve her whole family’s financial future if she is not trapped in low wage boring jobs by lack of the qualifications that a lot of jobs require as an essential requirement.
OP - please go for it. The potential rewards are huge.

*This is mumsnet, the majority will not encourage you to stay at home.

Do what makes you happiest and your children happiest.*

Agreed!

There’s so many incorrect comments on threads like these it’s almost embarrassing.

OP has a child under the age of 3 which means she has no work commitments. Once OPs DC turns 3 then she’ll have to go part time to keep receiving UC top ups. There will be no penalty for the OP quitting her job

I’d have a good hard think about what job or career you want to get into. In your shoes I’d want something where you can wfh at least a couple of days a week to make it easier on you when both the DC are at school. Also obviously something that pays well and is in demand. Book keeping springs to mind but others will also have some good ideas.

Then work out what you need to do to achieve that. Go to CAB for advice. Look at situations vacant to see what demand there is. Look at companies that pay staff to train and increase their skills Perhaps switch to working somewhere else that will support you in studying. Public service might also be an option for that.
You may be able to study part time while the DC are with their dad. I’d want to be working part time at least while you study.
Good luck!

Different to you, I have spent nearly 10 years on benefits (disability) and I would honestly say that my mental health might have gotten better sooner if we could have afforded not to have claimed, that anxiety in your stomach when you get a brown envelope through the door, is horrible.

If you are not sure what you want to do, is it worth trying temping, seeing the different jobs out there, or maybe trying for a zero hour contract (this might backfire, but no worse than relying on benefits)

I would really never recommend anyone choosing to be reliant on benefits, especially at the moment and with this government

Its hard being a single parent with little ones OP especially if you’re working FT
Have you considered reducing the days you do?
You can also try speaking to the benefits people and asking for some options. Eg if you work 16 hrs a week what help you would get. (You can also do a college/uni/open university course if you have time so it helps you for your future plus working part time will keep you in the working mindset

Think of benefits as a stepping stone to help when you need it but obviously not as a career.
You will do a great job whatever you decide to do Im sure

@Nofilter you would think your 'multimillionaire' sibling would sort your mums awful 'disabled' bathroom out... you know get some tiles?

Hilarious that you respond with one of the few that agree with you.

I do not endorse my taxes going to you. Just so you know.

@alexaakkxx you do realise you would lose the work allowance when you’re calculating how much UC you would receive?