Adult ADHD - anyone else fed up of the constant battle.and of constantly losing it?

[WhoHasMovedMyBrain]

EVery evening I think that the next day will.be different. That I'll do my work, work when I have to, that I won't stuff my face, that I won't be late, that I'll tick off at least one tiny little.thing on.my.to. do.list. and every day I fail. I'm winging life because I've got a very organised and hard working husband, a very supportive family who have always carried me and because I can sort of.work when I'm.in dire straits..just before a deadline comes crashing down. I'm.so.fed up of the constant stress,.the constant self loathing, constantly underperforming, constantly fighting a losing battle. I feel.as.if..im.wasting my life away.

My psychiatrist is happy to prescribe meds but before.that I need to.make an appointment with my gp to get some blood tests done and I just can't do it. I can't.make the appointment to.do.the blood tests. I mean how stupid can you get?

And now I'm so late to.pick up DC that I can't have a shower. Though I've been looking forward to.it all day.

I know.im.lucky and. I've got it better than most so.i hate complaining but I hate my brain..I don't care if it's ADHD or.if I'm.just lazy, crazy and stupid but i hate being this way.

Can anyone relate?

I thought I'd resurrect this thread to report that I finally got diagnosed with Inattentive ADHD last week.

It took me 5 months to get round to filling the forms in once the referral went through, even though I really wanted to get it all done as soon as possible. I just procrastinated for ages. And I was really worried that I might not actually have ADHD and that would just mean I was lazy and hopeless.

There's a delay getting assessed for meds because of a backlog so I won't get to try those till Jan/Feb, but I've been so hopeless at work lately that I can't wait to see how much difference they might make.

And I forgot to say thanks to the OP @WhoHasMovedMyBrain because I don't think I would have ever gone for the assessment if it wasn't for this thread.

Well done! It's a process that's very counterintuitive to ADHD minds.

I bookmarked partway along this thread, so had clearly read it and recognised the title. No diagnosis, but my DCs are ND to varying extents, and everything I read about ADHD women of my age group resonates so strongly. I was chatting with some ND friends the other week and a male friend whose ADHD was diagnosed when having a further round of workplace issues said that he's thought for a long time that I have many traits. And I have since school. Answered questions like Hermione Granger. Submitted written work like Ron Weasley, garbled out in the nick of time. There was the time I accidentally started a fire in science because I was concentrating on how hard I needed to concentrate so missed the detail of how to safely heat the ethanol- do not do it directly over the bunsen burner flame... I flunked some early courseworks, so flipped into hyper-organised drive, and hyperfocused on revision so got the results in the end.

In adulthood my organisational skill came close to scuppering my professional qualifications. I qualified but late, missed that year's recruitment and ended up moving from one temporary post to another. I have never had a permanent job. DH being a competetent adult does a lot of carrying.

There's generations of women in my family scraping by, doing what appears to be the minimum. Great Grandma was always described as being in a dream world. Grandma and mother always blatently late, just never getting into gear. I was regularly hanging around the school gates 20 minutes waiting for my pick up. That would tally with not leaving the house until finish time, then running back for something... I am better at punctuality for my children because I don't want to leave them like that, but it does often result in paralysis about not being able to do anything because of The Thing. Enter mumsnet, the great occupier of time. It's safe because its bitesize and can be put down when my phone starts putting out alarms... usually... Pre-smart phones, I'd wander around burried in books. I've just changed the medium of the behaviour.

There is normally some kind of twitching/ fidgeting going on. At school, my doodling was tolerated because I clearly paid attention. I sway when I stand. Tap beats. Walk around the supermarket singing along. I need lots of exercise to sleep. Inactivity makes my muscles tight and achey.

It doesn't seem a priority to go to the GP, plus there's enough stuff going on with the DCs. And there's the fear of being dismissed. I do wonder what DS's consultant inferred about me from the pink, very detailed mind map about his autism traits that I took to the GP though. It was on pink paper so I didn't lose it.

Basically so much of what I read about ADHD in women feels like it's been written by someone who's known me a bloody long time.

That's great news. I absolutely hate the meds but they actually do help massively. Especially once you've learnt what behavioural strategies you need to have in place to be able to productively use the focus that the meds give you.

I still indulge in a lot of self loathing because of all stuff I suck at but honestly, it was quite a relief when I was finally diagnosed to know that after all I'm not just lazy, crazy and stupid.

Good luck. I hope the diagnosis and potential will make your life a bit easier from now on. :-)

Omg OP - this is me - life is just so hard all the time. I have ADHD and chronic anxiety. Frankly I am amazed I can even function. My life is a shit show - constant stress, dysfunctional thinking and unable to sit to focus on anything. I am well educated but just totally inept

yes I can relate to constant noise in my head

You sound a lot like me. The organisational skills required in adult life broke me. I too am lucky that my husband is an absolute organisational whiz and he does a lot of the heavy lifting there. It used to cause a lot of friction though between us especially before my diagnosis.

Just a word of warning. Do go to your GP but don't be disappointed if they try to fob you off. There is a lot of misinformation still around especially on how ADHD might present differently in women and I think some just think that ADHD is an excuse. My gp told me: "you can't have ADHD because that's just something for hyperactive boys who don't finish school". She did write me a referral though to be seen by a psychiatrist. I think they have to though maybe the guidelines have changed.

Would private medical insurance through work generally cover adhd assessment? Don't know if I can face the GP referral route. I'm currently suffering from an itchy scalp that can be treated with a steroid but I keep delaying making the gp appointment for that too. Gah.

If the

I finally bit the bullet and told my GP that I thought I have it. He gave me a screening form to complete, but I’ve been told it’ll be ‘ages’ before I’m assessed.

I’m a lone parent to ASD son, working full time, juggling everything (and dropping all the balls).
I realise it depends on your health trust, but can anyone advise how long it took to get assessed following GP referral?

My job is stressful and requires a lot of organisational skills and the ability to prioritise. I’m really struggling.

I went via Psychiatry UK via the Right To Choose. If you look at their website it explains everything. If I hadn't procrastinated I probably would have been seen within 3-4 months.

How does this work please? My GP has just referred me (about a week ago) I'm desperate to be seen ASAP.

Thank you, I’ll look into this.

@RandomBanto Go to psychiatry-uk.com/right-to-choose/ and it will tell you everything including a proforma letter to send to your GP.

Just looking through the steps on that link tells me I won't do it. 2 forms and one the gp has to fill in?! It has taken me years to even speak to a gp about this. What a faff. We're people with potential adhd but they make a bit long list of instructions and several steps. My brain just can't. 🤣 I'll see if my husband can sort it with me thanks.

I do know what you mean. When I read this thread last year I was seized with a burst of motivation which enabled me to make a GP appointment and to print off & fill in the ADRS form. But then I lost the form and had to print and complete another one just before the appointment in a mad rush.

I hope you can get some support from your husband.

Feck. I SO want to read this thread. But my eyes won't let me focus and read 😩☹️ (ADHD diagnosed and medicated 🤷‍♀️)