Adult ADHD - anyone else fed up of the constant battle.and of constantly losing it?

[WhoHasMovedMyBrain]

EVery evening I think that the next day will.be different. That I'll do my work, work when I have to, that I won't stuff my face, that I won't be late, that I'll tick off at least one tiny little.thing on.my.to. do.list. and every day I fail. I'm winging life because I've got a very organised and hard working husband, a very supportive family who have always carried me and because I can sort of.work when I'm.in dire straits..just before a deadline comes crashing down. I'm.so.fed up of the constant stress,.the constant self loathing, constantly underperforming, constantly fighting a losing battle. I feel.as.if..im.wasting my life away.

My psychiatrist is happy to prescribe meds but before.that I need to.make an appointment with my gp to get some blood tests done and I just can't do it. I can't.make the appointment to.do.the blood tests. I mean how stupid can you get?

And now I'm so late to.pick up DC that I can't have a shower. Though I've been looking forward to.it all day.

I know.im.lucky and. I've got it better than most so.i hate complaining but I hate my brain..I don't care if it's ADHD or.if I'm.just lazy, crazy and stupid but i hate being this way.

Can anyone relate?

Interesting...I've just been reading this thread, page by page, as I work. I'm self employed in something creative (I work to commission, so have discrete projects I need to complete).

My days go something like: drop DC2 off at school (nearby). Come back and sit at kitchen table in a fog for at least an hour, on my phone. Procrastinate a bit more. Do some kind of exercise (yoga, walk). Arrive at studio at 12.00 ish, sit on phone for another half an hour, pick up brush, paint for 10 minutes, look at phone for 5 minutes, which gradually diminishes as I get more and more focused on work, to the point that I'm working quite well about half an hour before it's time to go and pick DS2 up 🤦‍♀️

I have a diagnosis of autism, but often wonder about co morbidity 🤔 It's obvious that these two neurological conditions are intimately related- yet completely different-but I don't think anybody's worked out quite how yet!

Can anyone tell me If they do similar please? I'm awaiting an ADHD assessment. Fairly surely that's whats happening but I need the diagnosis to get further support through work and for other reasons. I now regularly (can't stop it - have to fight it quite hard at work and in public) click my jaw and open my mouth really wide as like a way of releasing energy or when I'm stressed or whatever. I do it probably hundreds of times a day. I've always done something like that, when I was young I used to twitch my nose constantly like a rabbit. Doe this resonate with anyone else at all?

So I had my GP appointment and he said it's a 1-2 year wait for assessment and if I want to use Right to Choose he needs to consult senior staff and see what's allowed. He said shared care is a myth that gets spread by psychiatry clinics to gain clients. He asked to me to forward the Right to Choose letter and said he would let me know. So demoralised :(

1hyumy that sounds like stimming- common in autism, maybe also in ADHD? Not sure 🤔

@Duvetdaysaregood I relate to what you say.
I think I have ADHD and my doctor did refer me for an assessment saying that they might not accept the referral or it might take "many months".

She gave me fluoxetine while waiting for news of the referral. It has made me feel a bit better, a bit more organised and able to find the energy to get more things done, and I have seen more projects through to the end. I still feel I have a large backlog of things I need to do (such as tidy my clutter, make appointments for myself and the kids, and (like the OP) I constantly feel I will have to do better tomorrow.)
On the Prozac/fluoxetine I am doing a bit better than before.

Ii asked my GP receptionist before going private and she said they do shared care and recommended private if I could as the backlog was so bad. So it depends really, I'm in a Facebook group and lots of people have gotten shared care.

What exactly is swimming? I know I can Google but I like to get my answers on mumsnet sometimes from people with direct experience thanks 😊

Getting answers on Mumsnet is always better!

Stimming can cover a wide range of repetitive movements/ tics that autistic people do kind of semi voluntarily to self soothe. Spinning around, tapping fingers, playing with small objects or toys, etc etc etc etc....I have a weird squinty, blinky thing going on, and also trace patterns on my thumbs with my forefinger. Also make a variety of odd noises when I forget myself 😳

Do ADHDers do this too? 🤔

Januarytoes … interesting!!!

Yes, I do this with by shaking my foot, even when I'm lying in bed

@WhoHasMovedMyBrain my OH undiagnosed he's 71 . I've been his memory for 46 years. All his appointments. It works if he remembers to tell me that he has one coming up. We've missed friends invitations over the years because he's forgotten to tell me. Embarrassing when friends phone from restaurant asking how long we'll be because everyone is waiting for us. He likes technology so the phone calendar has been a god send. Use it the very second you receive the information. Set alarms for things like phoning the GP. E mail to yourself and pin it.

He'll talk to someone on the phone. I have to ask who it was, what did they want because he's forgotten already.

Two of my sons have it to a lesser degree, revising was hell for them at times. They both say ear buds and music help them concentrate when working. Try that.

Re weight a gastric band would be an idea if you're seriously overweight. I know two family members who did it to save their health.

My OH walks the dogs, chops wood, his electric bike has helped too. I call him my Duracell bunny because his body and mind are on overdrive

I've got that lined up too now, so if I find a thread that's too long, I will find the OP posts that way.

This sounds a lot like ADHD. A LOT.

Thank you dolor. I will at least have a look at some online tests, as a next step.

Genuine question: how do you know if you're just lazy, disorganised and a procrastinator ( like me ) or you actually do have ADHD?

You could try reading "You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!" - it's a bit out of date but it'll give you an idea.

Thank you. Mine is getting worse and worse I feel since covid and a very long mat leave that followed (18 months long) I feel like I'm not able to mask much anymore therefore these tics are coming out more and more.

This sounds like stimming to me. It presents in so many different ways, something--anything repetitive that lessens anxiety as a self soothing thing.

Thank you 😊

Just a quick update: did everything I had to do and finally got a prescription for my medication. Yay me!!

Just to find out from the pharmacy that their suppliers have stopped supplying dexamphetamine as they can't source it anymore and they aren't expecting to have it in stock for a long time. They also suspect that no other pharmacy would have any supplies left.

I'm still going to try boots and some other larger pharmacies but it doesn't look good. This means I need to somehow contact my psychiatrist again to get something else prescribed.

I had a mild allergic reaction to Methylphenidate so I doubt they'd prescribe that, which leaves only the extended release versions and atomoxetine, which I really don't want to take.

Maybe I should just give up. I don't have the time to run from pharmacy to pharmacy or to deal with my psychiatrist but I'm struggling so much at the moment I'd fully made up my mind to take the meds even though I hate them. This sucks.

It's very, very difficult and often I suspect that maybe I am just lazy, crazy and stupid and that ADHD is just an excuse. It's even more difficult if you don't present with the most commonly known symptom associated with ADHD ie hyperactivity. Unfortunately, ADHD can often look quite different especially in women.

I think the real question might be how much is it impacting your life and can you manage to lead a somewhat functional and fulfilling life the way you are. I tried really hard to be somewhat functional for decades always believing that somehow some day magically i will overcome my laziness and lack of discipline and will power. I tried. I can honestly say that I tried and I just couldn't. At what point do you stop trying and hoping that your issues will resolve themselves and get help? I think, that's a question that only you can answer.

If you do want to pursue this: I don't know if you already have a diagnosis but if you don't then I'd get the ball rolling asap as it can take years.

Ritalin helped me focus as a child but I didn't really like the way it made me feel. Felt slightly distant from myself. Exercise is what makes my ADHD manageable.

It's very, very difficult and often I suspect that maybe I am just lazy, crazy and stupid and that ADHD is just an excuse. It's even more difficult if you don't present with the most commonly known symptom associated with ADHD ie hyperactivity. Unfortunately, ADHD can often look quite different especially in women.

I don't know whether they still differentiate between ADD and ADHD. In fact I think they call it inattentive ADHD nowadays.

This is more a lack of attention/inability to focus than a hyperactivity issue. I remember reading before that girls often get a more spacy, distracted type of ADHD than boys.

As far as I know it's categorised now as ADHD - h (predominantly hyperactive), ADHD - I (predominantly inattentive) and ADHD - c (combined). I think the inattentive category is slightly controversial and I'm also not sure if the NHS follows the same method.

I was diagnosed with the combined type and you'd never suspect that I'm hyperactive in any way at all. I'm very restless though and my psychiatrist said that is a fork of hyperactivity but I really am not sure.

I know there are shortages of certain types of ADHD meds in the UK right now, people are struggling badly because of it.

Downsides of being given amber controlled drugs I s'pose. Why can't we have nice brains LOL