Adult ADHD - anyone else fed up of the constant battle.and of constantly losing it?

[WhoHasMovedMyBrain]

EVery evening I think that the next day will.be different. That I'll do my work, work when I have to, that I won't stuff my face, that I won't be late, that I'll tick off at least one tiny little.thing on.my.to. do.list. and every day I fail. I'm winging life because I've got a very organised and hard working husband, a very supportive family who have always carried me and because I can sort of.work when I'm.in dire straits..just before a deadline comes crashing down. I'm.so.fed up of the constant stress,.the constant self loathing, constantly underperforming, constantly fighting a losing battle. I feel.as.if..im.wasting my life away.

My psychiatrist is happy to prescribe meds but before.that I need to.make an appointment with my gp to get some blood tests done and I just can't do it. I can't.make the appointment to.do.the blood tests. I mean how stupid can you get?

And now I'm so late to.pick up DC that I can't have a shower. Though I've been looking forward to.it all day.

I know.im.lucky and. I've got it better than most so.i hate complaining but I hate my brain..I don't care if it's ADHD or.if I'm.just lazy, crazy and stupid but i hate being this way.

Can anyone relate?

Don't have ADHD but often feel exactly the same to the T. Feel like I have brain damage, make ridiculous stupid mistakes constantly, my memory of basic stuff that has been to the same for years I completely forget (time to collect/take kids to school as one example). Suddenly I can't make a simple meal like beans on toast without burning myself and spilling it all over the place, it's literally so debilitating and triggers massive anxiety/agrophobia and feeling depressed... No Idea what to say I guess just try make the blood tests a priority.

Thank you for relating. I know everyone struggles with these things to an extent.

Yes, I should make the tests a priority. But I first need to check my work calendar to see when I can take time off work (that I'm not doing anyway) so this two step process is really killing it.

I guess a part of me doesn't even want to take the meds. I hate them. They work but are just so bloody unpleasant especially initially and it takes months to get used to them.

I keep waiting to.kind of magically wake up one day and to just start performing but age just somehow seems to make my problems worse.

Uggg...late again to pick up dc.

Bumping.

Yup. I woke up in terror at 3am on Sunday realising I had promised someone something and fucked up completely and flaked.

That feeling of self-loathing is awful.

Thankfully I have a random, high-stress, low-organisation job which I am good at. That keeps me sane.

This is definitely me, I don't have a diagnosis because I keep meaning to book the appointment to talk it through with my GP ! But I'm winging life and work at the minute, terrified I'm going to be found out!

Funny enough, when it came to DD I fought for her to be referred and sent all the stuff off (late of course!) but hers is in progress! Just can't seem to prioritize myself.

Nothing to add really but go and get your bloods, work work around the appointment! Now to practice what I preach 🤣🤣

Yes the two-step task is a killer for me too. You are not alone!

Absolutely OP! Feel free to PM me at any point because I am relating hard to your post.

I am ridiculous because I still seem to think that one day I’ll wake up and be ‘normal’ and able to do all this shit!!

I make life so fucking hard for myself.

I’m diagnosed but not currently medicated.

Yes I hear you.
Try setting yourself a reminder on Alexa or your phone and then a back up 10 minutes later and see if you can “nag” your future self (tomorrow) into making the appointment?

I can really identify with this. Including having the super organised DH. I recently asked to be medicated in the hope it will magically change things but they say I need a new referral because I’ve never been medicated before. I don’t actually think it will suit me.

I had to be in therapy for years because of my work and I found that helpful in managing the self loathing and it really helped to develop some self compassion that I think people with ADHD lack. If you haven’t had therapy I would recommend.

I became a Mum a few years ago and now have 3DC. Becoming a Mum has really fucked with my ADHD, any strategies that I had in place has gone out the window with 3 very loud, impulsive toddlers screeching at me from 6am. That definitely brought a whole new level of failing into my life.

Remember, you’re not underperforming. You actually work so much harder than other people do. You should be proud of yourself for achieving what you do x

Could you take some sick leave to try to get the blood tests sorted? I mean, its not as if you arent unwell.

hugs op, it sounds awful

im exactly the same/ not diagnosed but think I have it- to the point my memory is shockingly awful- anxiety drives me insane some days and I run round disorganised chaos on adrenaline 🤣 I’ve become to see my strengths-
fast reactions to things others don’t have
working productive when it’s deadline day
smashing cleaning out when I’m in the mood
learning to relax especially since becoming a mum
distracting myself with good things when I feel like shit
yes I’m leaving the pots for three days and doing one task at a time
yes I’m winging being a mum
yes I’m running behind in work- but guess who comes up with all the creative ideas and talks the most in the team? Boosts team moral? Brings out the best in people? I think I do.
we have our weaknesses and strengths and days we smash our list and days we dont
Revel in the days you do- reward yourself
life is too short to be unkind to your soul x

Ahh totally agree with @Cakeandcoffee93 list your strengths and remind yourself of them when you're down on yourself!

Get. The. Meds.

My life was miserable all through my 20s- “depression”, jumping from job to job, being sacked, failing college and uni courses, failed relationships, shit money management, debt…

Since being on meds my life is a total 360. Long term, solid relationship, finished my degree, work (successfully!) in a high pressured, busy, professional job. I’m a more calm and better parent. Lost 2 stone.

These sound from many of you, frankly like depression symptoms. Ritalin and its other stimulant cousins were originally marketed to cure "housewife depression" and when SSRIs came out, they've moved on to another name for the same old shit.

somatosphere.net/2008/grandmas-little-helper.html/

Bloody love my meds. I'm in no way perfect, but I function much better and my brain is quiet.

Thank you for your honesty; thank you for posting this. It is needed. There are those of us here (and out there) who have this daily. I could have copy pasted this - but I don't have the support structure of a partner, but I have had to find ways.

In fact, I am being assessed by P-UK next month (right before Christmas!) and I am still so much feeling the unknowns about it all. Even more so, that I somehow don't have it, or have misunderstood. The weird places our brains take us...

I have found people in real life, and in my city, and here too. It has been a long and painful (and bloody paperwork!) journey.

@WombOfOnesOwn sorry but that’s SO UNHELPFUL even though I know you’re trying to be helpful! I’d hazard a guess that 90% of women who suspect they have ADHD have at some point been told they’re depressed and thought to themselves no I’m bloody not!!

I feel like banging my head against a brick wall sometimes any time ADHD is discussed.

People who are successfully medicated - how many different medications did it take to find The One?

Self compassion is a lifelong practice. I recommend it. I have ADHD but I'm not touching medication and stay away from doctors as much as possible because of other health issues- I'm not prepared to wait years to fight for treatment that I assume will either not work, cause other symptoms or worsen my other health issues ( I've had v bad experiences on other medicine).
I meditate. Do yoga. Eat as well as I can when I can be bothered. Journal and dump my crazy thoughts there. List what I'm grateful for. I've found Buddhist teachings very calming and make sense to me.
You are not uniquely wierd or a bad person. You have a condition and its not your fault.
I'm not saying it's easy and I have lots of anxiety but just wanted to give an alternative viewpoint. Docs don't have all the answers, you are powerful and capable x

That’s interesting, as to me, the symptoms listed on this thread sound just like how ADHD presents in adults! I wonder why that could be?

Me too!
I leave it too late in the morning to get a shower so often. I have to get out of bed and straight in the bathroom to achieve a shower.

So many things are not done in this house. I look at them but never get started

@WombOfOnesOwn this is going to sound really confrontational but I just wondered why you did actually come into a thread full of people struggling with very very clear, textbook symptoms of ADHD and say more or less that it’s depression? The more I’m thinking about it the more it’s annoying me. What gives you the right to do that? To just dismiss us like that? I actually don’t think you were trying to be helpful at all.

I often do the late night think - especially about weight loss
Whaf has helped is

1. taking meds. I take Concerta - it genuinely has changed my life. So tomorrow call and make that appointment- just the 1 step of calling. Don’t think about the rest of it
2. starting Ozempic- it’s switches off craving and hunger. It is amazing
3. I try to only have a maximum of three appointments/main things to go a day. That was advice given to me when I was diagnosed with adhd. I don’t always do it. But when I do I feel much better

you can do it!! Make that appointment

Yes. Thank you for sharing OP.

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