Adult ADHD - anyone else fed up of the constant battle.and of constantly losing it?

[WhoHasMovedMyBrain]

EVery evening I think that the next day will.be different. That I'll do my work, work when I have to, that I won't stuff my face, that I won't be late, that I'll tick off at least one tiny little.thing on.my.to. do.list. and every day I fail. I'm winging life because I've got a very organised and hard working husband, a very supportive family who have always carried me and because I can sort of.work when I'm.in dire straits..just before a deadline comes crashing down. I'm.so.fed up of the constant stress,.the constant self loathing, constantly underperforming, constantly fighting a losing battle. I feel.as.if..im.wasting my life away.

My psychiatrist is happy to prescribe meds but before.that I need to.make an appointment with my gp to get some blood tests done and I just can't do it. I can't.make the appointment to.do.the blood tests. I mean how stupid can you get?

And now I'm so late to.pick up DC that I can't have a shower. Though I've been looking forward to.it all day.

I know.im.lucky and. I've got it better than most so.i hate complaining but I hate my brain..I don't care if it's ADHD or.if I'm.just lazy, crazy and stupid but i hate being this way.

Can anyone relate?

Yep! Exactly the sort of thing I do! I'm just waiting for my df to arrive to help me sort out my shit hole of a house. I'm so embarrassed by it. Why can't I do it myself. I hate being like this.

Thank you. Dh and me are in a funny place at the moment (not very close) so I'm reluctant to ask for his help. He is a good person so he would help but he doesn't like me taking meds. He thinks they make me irrationally angry. I've never hid it from him (taking meds) but I don't want to discuss it with him at the moment.

I’ve been trying to get my diagnosis since before covid then covid happened…

I am exactly the same…but for some reason I really suffer from brain fog at the moment 😞

the only think is I am never late I am always early when I said this to my Gp she was like it can’t be adhd what she doesn’t get is for me to be somewhere at 10am I need to leave at 7am as I get distracted/lost/forgot why I went out as I’m looking at other stuff etc

I have to do lists all over the place none of which ever get sorted I’m forever endlessly writing lists

you have my sympathy 😞 life is so much harder with adhd

Your post rings so true with me. I'm not diagnosed with ADHD, although I am diagnosed autistic. But my son is very very much like me and diagnosed autistic and ADHD.

Every day I think about what I should do tomorrow. Tomorrow comes and I think about what I should, I'll start tomorrow. I just can't seem to actually start, and then get overwhelmed with what I have to do and don't know where to start.

This is mainly in sorting my house out. My ex left It in a mess of half done DIY stuff, most of which I can't do myself and can't afford to do. But I can tidy and clean and paint. But I haven't. It's never ending!

What I should have also said, which I guess is obvious from the fact that I wrote about it afterwards, is that I am completely aware that I do it - both in the moment itself and afterwards. It's weird - like something isn't quite connected in my brain - I know it needs to happen, but I can't quite physically put it into action.

It's just one example of many, many moments like this every day. I am more self accepting than I used to be. I don't know whether it makes a difference that I am also probably autistic - I don't care so much about how socially acceptable things like leaving a cloth on the floor all day are (all that energy has to go into interacting with people). The thing that upsets me the most is that I know I will always underachieve, because I can't focus on anything for long enough.

Thanks for the supplement recs folks.

I've heard that omega 3 can have some effect on symptoms. An online acquaintance used to swear by it.

Also vitamin b but I suspect that would mean that you have a deficiency.

But it isn’t depression and anti depressants don’t do a thing

@WhoHasMovedMyBrain thank you! Apparently I didn't mean tea caddy at all. It's just the ceramic pot thing that the tea bags go in, that it's too much for me to fill up.

Oh OP, I can relate!

I was diagnosed quite recently and learning more about ADHD and how it affects me has honestly been life changing. The thing that's helped me the most is changing my perspective and not putting so much pressure on myself to operate in a neurotypical way. I've stopped telling myself "tomorrow will be different/tomorrow I'll do x y z" because I know that I'm just putting unfair expectations on myself and setting myself up to feel bad about myself tomorrow.

I've stopped trying to force myself to be a super organised person, and have since embraced a certain kind of disorganised organisation that works better for me.

I'm currently at uni as a mature student and receive excellent support. My support worker has pointed out my tendency to use the word "should". He asks "but who says you should do that?" and I realise that most of the expectations are self imposed. He's also pointed out my frequent use of the word "guilty".

In short, just embrace your ADHD! It's like one of those toys we had as kids with the shapes... you're a star shape trying to hammer yourself into the slot meant for a circle, and then kicking yourself because it doesn't fit. Things get easier when you stop trying to function the same way as everyone else.

Here's my issue with this sort of advice, which is/should be excellent help:

First I have to find my phone. While looking for it I sort laundry. Half way through sorting laundry the doorbell goes. Then I unpack whatever has arrived. At no point will I remember I was looking for my phone.

Or: my phone is in my hand. I set the alarm. I completely forget that I set my phone to silent three days ago when I was in a meeting and so the alarm doesn't sound and no part of my brain wonders why not as it has already forgotten I set an alarm to go off in a few minutes.

THIS is what I hate about my brain.

Really? That baffles me. I thought it was a downer not a stimulant. I'm allergic to it anyway so can't stand the stuff. But if I weren't, I'd try it.

This is SUCH a helpful post for me. It gives me hope for DS who is awaiting medication. He has exactly the symptoms you describe, from head noise and anxiety right down to IBS. I so hope he has the same positive results as you @Mabelface.

ADHD is too often misdiagnosed as depression. i spent my life wondered why I was on ADs when I was a happy person.

This all resonates so much, I’m late 20s and recently diagnosed. Had bloods and ECG done recently in advance of medication, though it took me over a month to get that appointment booked! The self loathing is so debilitating. OP, I hope you and everyone else struggling on this threat gets the support they need.

It’s a shame that so many of us are struggling, but it’s so reassuring to read that other people feel the same way I do!

Wow. I'm not diagnosed with ADHD but have started having suspicions over the last couple of months. Reading this thread has been like a penny has dropped. I can relate sooo much to what others have said.

I will leave lots of things to the last minute to complete. My house is a tip most of the time, unless I have a random urge to do a mass clean (which is very rare but happened on the weekend and, my god, I feel so much better). I will make promises to myself that I will keep on top of things from now on, and of course it never happens. My moods can be so erratic. One minute I feel calm, relaxed and happy. The next I can feel a sudden rage and just want to cry and shout. A trigger for this would more than likely be my daughter not going to bed when asked or waiting until I have made it up the stairs to then ask me for a drink (I know that one sounds pathetic, but it really does make me cross). In my head I ask myself why I get so angry about little things, but I can never find an answer.

My anxiety is through the roof most of the time. It's getting worse as I'm getting older (I'm 32). I've thought about going to the doctor to ask for medication to help with this but still haven't made the appointment. I work full time in an admin-based job, and as much as I love the job, I do sometimes feel like it takes a lot of effort. The parts of the job I enjoy will always be done. The ones I enjoy not so much, I will leave as late as I possibly can.

I actually feel quite emotional typing this as it's just all making sense now. I feel like I need to make a doctor's appointment but I'm worried about being fobbed off. I've looked into CBD products after reading this thread, so I think I'm going to give them a go and see how I get on.

Thank you @WhoHasMovedMyBrain for this thread, I can relate to you and you're not alone.

Yes, me too, procrastination and distraction are by biggest trip ups. I’m about to hand my notice in at my job because my head is so muddled with the different tasks, and I get anxious about the things I have forgotten….in some ways I like bring me cos I entertain myself, but with work and study it’s an endless battle.

I can really relate to this, took me a years to get to the Gp, and then my husband came home one day after speaking to his mate who was diagnosed private and gave me the number to ring. Still took months for me to get around to doing that, and again all the blood tests/ECG's etc. I promise it is worth getting sorted.

Do it today OP. Get a list of everything you need to book, ring that GP and you will feel much better . Set yourself an alarm for 1pm after lunch break.

Also, the MOST helpful tool I have in my house is an A5 pad planner instead of a diary. It has times throughout the day and a to do list, with the 3 money important tasks of the day at the top. Very simple, undated and visual. Amazon. Oh an a visual timer.

Good luck OP, head over to the neurodiverse mums netters board and you have got this .

Can anyone say what sort of stuff you have to do to get a diagnosis please? Like pp has just mentioned ecgs? What is that to show? Thanks x

Looking at some of it makes me think I don't have it. I am never late for example. It might be peri brain fog, plus to a large extent it's hard to live in a way that suits. The advent of tech has been a huge issue for me.

also puzzled re ECGs

So stimulate medication can speed up your heart rate and increase your BP. It's not without risk. So if you take stimulant medication you need regular BP readings and an ECG so show a reading of your heart to make sure it's all in good order.

ADHDpresents different for every person. But the key part is how much it affects your life and if it presented before the age of 12.

I'm rarely late, but that's because I set off an hour early for everything and hang around. So still not good time management.

Also there are a lot of conditions which can mimic ADHD symptoms, like depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia for example. Only a specialised clinician will be able to determine if it's ADHD or something else.

I'm rarely late, because I'm terrified of seeming rude/being told off. So usually I'm really early and having to wait around awkwardly. And also do last minute panicking when I'm getting ready that is really stressful.

You need to go a lot easier on yourself!

The brain you’ve got is the brain you’ve got. You’re angry it’s not working like a neurotypical one.

Oh I love this ❤️

Thanks. I recommend reading delivered from distraction by hallowell or Russel Barkley's book on ADHD (I forgot it's name and googling them nothing rings a particular bell)..it has a fairly detailed checklist. I read these more than ten years ago when i was diagnosed so I don't know if research wise anything has changed but back then barkley was the authority on adult ADHD.

If you do decide to pursue a diagnosis then expect to he fobbed off. It's a long process and I can imagine that waiting times to see a psychiatrist consultant are only longer now..they were about three months ten years ago.

You could go private but in my experience GP s are rather reluctant to prescribe controlled medication based on a private prescription or a private care plan or maybe that was just my GP.

I was lucky in that my private diagnosis was finally confirmed by an NHS psychiatrist after he thoroughly assessed me again (my first NHS consultant psychiatrist insisted that all my issues are due to depression) but this temporary psychiatrist specialised in ADHD and instructed my usual psychiatrist and created a new care plan for my GP back then was happy to follow.

It is worth it though. The medication makes a huge difference. Knowing that your issues are nor a moral failing, that you are not just lazy, crazy and stupid but have an actual disorder makes a huge difference too.