To think many parents are subsidised by their parents at Christmas?

[EveryoneIsIll]

As I get older, it seems a lot of friends are getting financial help with everything from school trips to clubs or tutors, through to holidays and days out (in some cases so the grandparents can have time with their grandkids but sometimes not). Christmas also - whether that’s buying the turkey, the big ticket gifts or whatever.

It’s not my experience so it can leave me wondering if this is most people’s experiences, only it’s just not spoken about?

I hope to do the same when I'm older.

My parents have less than me so cant help me, but I'm sure if they had the means they would.

I have a friend who’s DF subsidises school trips, football boots etc… I don’t have this but my parents would help us if we needed even if it left them short… I don’t think it’s unusual though…

My MIL was alway generous, both with her time and her money. She would say 'what's on their wish list that you can't afford' (for Christmas and birthdays) and then she would buy that bless her. She also bought the school shoes and would frequently push a 20 into my hand to 'buy treats'. The boys also spent a lot of time with her as she lived next door. Wonderful, kind, loving, generous lady.

I treat my boys now they are young adults. They are both single at the moment but I share anything I have with them, and don't see why that would stop. Neither of them expect it and are always grateful for a few quid, or a lift, or a baking session.

God I’d love this. My parents have really decent pensions, no mortgage, have sold additional property recently. We get zero, not even 30
mins minding the children. If we go there for Christmas, we pay for the big things like turkey etc.

@Melonymelony It’s good your friend tells you. It’s my gut feeling many people get help like this.

My mum is buying the meat for Christmas Day but she lives with us and we’ll be buying literally everything else and cooking it all. So for about £20 she gets a lovely Christmas dinner, not bad I’d say. For DS, we’ve told him not to buy us presents as he owes about £300 on his overdraft and I want him to pay that off rather than get into more debt. It works both ways.

Yep we are and not just at Christmas. From parents and inlaws.
They see it as a time of our lives when we need the most help and God willing, we won't have an inheritance for many years at which point we will be in a better position financially.

I am very lucky and extremely grateful.

Not normal in my experience - My DM lives with us and gives me a bit extra towards Christmas dinner/shop when it's my turn to host, but she just likes to and it's not like we couldn't do it without her contribution.

Perhaps more people are having to ask for help this year with things being tight.

I offered to bring a course over for MIL (as they are hosting this time) but more in case it was getting a bit much (physically rather than financially).

My late mum used to give me money : not huge amounts , but enough to maybe buy the Turkey with at Christmas. They didn't have much themselves, but they were generous at this time of year with some help. I was so grateful, but it wasn't all year round

Yes we’ve had family help us out with contributions to big and small things. I’d have thought where they can afford it most parents help children their out where they can. I’d say most people we know have. Not sure it needs to be made ‘transparent’ though as surely it’s not anyone else’s business how people afford things. We plan to help our kids when they get older.

Why would people have to be transparent about their finances though?

Neither DH and I have had any help.

But of friends I know some who have had help, one friend had his parents pay school fees for two children all the way from prep to sixth form. Another has been gifted over the years at least 200k, mainly to buy out her ex.

I have also known people receive free childcare. Then less close friends in the past at the school gate mentioned parents buying winter coats and things for the children. I remember one Mum and I getting the same dishwasher in the same week but her Mum had bought hers for her.

DH and I are comfortable what does rankle is that both of us have sisters that have been helped. They are both very good at doing the woe is me game.

A few of my friends definitely get lots of financial help from their parents/in laws. Thinking of my inner circle of 5 friends who have been bought in the last 5 years: a ski holiday, a house extension, a new kitchen, a horse for their DD, a new car and a loft conversion.

I would do it for my DC if I had the means when they are adults to be fair.

We give our daughter a lot of support with our granddaughter and financially. We're in the position to do so and feel very lucky that we can. It's a very tough time at the moment, even my Dad who's mid 80s helps support them. It makes the difference having a basic life rather than going in debt and relying on food banks etc. I do feel for everyone struggling at the moment, especially with Christmas fast approaching x

My parents are hugely hugely helpful - time, money, effort - no questions asked.
We hope to do the same with our kids, as long as they want.

Although I wouldn’t dream of asking them for money for holidays and gifts. They help with school fees, deposit for a house, childcare, make meals for us to keep in the freezer for when we are very busy with work etc.

My Mother has a fat pension and little outgoings but has never helped financially at Christmas - Having said that, I am working through Christmas so she is doing Christmas dinner for us all which is fab and I feel blessed.

Well my parents and relatives definitely make my shopping easier because they always ask what DS wants, and I suggest something from his wish list, which leaves less for me to get.

They don't do it because we're short of money, but the net effect is financially helpful.

Thanks for honest posts so far. @SafeMove that’s the kind of thing I’m witnessing too. A lifestyle being subsidised by parents.

Not my own personal experience but I do know someone whose GPs pay the school fees.

My Mum sends £30 over every birthday and every Christmas for my DS and see’s him around every other year at weddings or funerals, and we don’t have anything to do with his paternal grandparents.

I never knew my Dad and never went on any big school trips or holidays abroad, but my sister’s paternal grandparents paid for her to attend private school, took her on lots of foreign holidays and paid for ski trips and an annual bus pass.

It really really varies. Nobody that I know with kids gets any financial help at all from their parents, but then they all come from low income backgrounds and mostly single parents.

My parents do help out with school expenses, decorating/work to the house, help me with large items like a car. I'm a single parent on benefits due to disability in last 5 years. My parents have the view that I'm getting to spend my inheritance now when I need it and they don't have to watch me struggle. I am really greatful for the help but find accepting it difficult as I was raised to stand on my own but life happens.

I know people who get pretty much their whole existence bankrolled by their parents

And others who actually have to spend a lot of money financially supporting their parents

And there will be every variation in between too

My parents never helped at all, despite being wealthy. But DH's side of the family always have. DH's uncle used to give us generous theatre vouchers so we could take the family to see some West End show at christmas. DF-i-L has just sent us half a case of wine. He'll also send generous money presents which DH has always used to put towards more expensive presents than we could afford to get DC by ourselves. (We are not big earners.)

@SKIPWAY Im sorry for your struggles. I was taught that too. I think this plays into inheritance as a subject really.

People can’t gift as much due to rules having tightened so they’re helping their kids more generally with everyday life.