To think many parents are subsidised by their parents at Christmas?

[EveryoneIsIll]

As I get older, it seems a lot of friends are getting financial help with everything from school trips to clubs or tutors, through to holidays and days out (in some cases so the grandparents can have time with their grandkids but sometimes not). Christmas also - whether that’s buying the turkey, the big ticket gifts or whatever.

It’s not my experience so it can leave me wondering if this is most people’s experiences, only it’s just not spoken about?

Yawn Yawn, so tedious.

I know lots of people my age whose parents support them financially (paying for school fees for their grandchildren, holidays, mortgages etc). I'm fortunate enough to earn more money than my parents so have never needed or received any help.

God no. I don't know anyone who is, or who even could be, subsidised by their parents. It's just a MN thing to me. My parents are now relativley confortably retired but they were a manual worker and a SAHM so they are hardly rolling in cash. The inlaws still work and we out earn them quite significantly.

My parents have saved us thousands by providing free childcare for years though.

PIL are well off and very generous. Helped us with a house deposit, pay for dinners and accommodation etc when we go away. DM has no money but is very generous with her time and help. We are very lucky and don’t know what we would do without them.

But people on Mumsnet are real? How can something be “just a MN thing” when the posts are all made by people who exist.

And if your parents “saved us thousands by providing free childcare for years though” that is literally subsidising you!

No. My parents have helped us, absolutely when we had a time where we were financially in a shit creek. But even then we purchased Christmas presents we could afford. They buy oyr dc Christmas presents and get a turkey for Christmas lunch but only because I would choose to buy two large chickens and my mum cannot even consider Christmas withoyt turkey! I provide all the other food and drink for them as I host.

I would never approach them to pay for a trip or something as if they are somehow obliged to as grandparents.

Nope. We cut our coat according to our cloth. This year, it'll be a 'smaller' affair than last year for instance as we are struggling financially. We shall probably have a chicken, and I shall make an apple crumble for pudding. It will all be delicious which is what matters.

There will be fewer presents and they will be of smaller value. I have dh's, it cost £30 and I'll get him a book and some small things (under a fiver) for fun. We shall spend about the same on dd and dh will prob find me something nice of similar cost. He will love this gift, an antique glass, and use it every day.

Our parents do help us out alot. Not because we struggle, but because they have spare cash and like to invest it in their grandkids. My in-laws pay £100 a month to help towards the DC clubs, and my parents put £100 a month directly into the kids accounts. They all help out with childcare, gift buying, holidays, and days out. Very grateful for them all, as I know it would be alot harder without their help. My FIL always says that he'd like to see us using the money now, rather than once he's gone, so is happy to spend towards the grandkids upbringing. As far as I'm aware, alot of the parents of my friends, also contribute financially and if feasible and local enough, with childcare. Often lots of grandparents doing the school runs. Where we live now, there definitely seems to be a wider family involvement than where we used to live.

When we do Christmas, my mum and dad pay me £50ish for the turkey. If we go to them, we get the wine.

They don't pay for everyday stuff for school or trips but they do love taking them to the theatre which they sometimes pay for

I know some grandparents are very generous both in time or money. My friend’s parents provided hours of childcare, bought all school uniforms inc shoes. I know a grandma who paid for all ballet lessons and kit and took girl to all lessons. Some who paid school fees.
If they can why not. It’s probably area dependent.

My parents are shit with money and have blown through hundreds of thousands in inheritances in the past 20 years, while I was stuck in a 2 up 2 down with 3 autistic children after being abandoned by my husband. They're now getting reverse mortgages so they can carry on going on expensive holidays and leave no inheritance so I don't make the same mistake of home ownership or a comfortable life.

I wouldn't have asked them for anything though, I've always been very careful with money and won't spend it if I don't have it.

This is likely to be true in general as there’s a lot of money staying with the older generation, due to house prices, pensions etc, and less in the younger generations.

But of course this is only the case if your parents are lucky enough to be in this position, and generous enough to acknowledge it.

Nope.

Neither my parents or PIL have given us anything. They don’t give DH and I presents. The kids get money in a card for birthday and Christmas, but that’s it. I imagine someone treating you to a coffee or meal must feel nice, but it’s not something we’ve experienced.

I’m quite an independent person. I can’t imagine asking them for financial help, nor can I imagine them offering.

We’re fortunate to have enough to save for our children’s futures, so I’m hoping to be able to help them, although there’s been times over the years when we’ve struggled.

This. I grew up with very little (born in 80s), but parents bought their council house, later upgraded house etc and Dad now earns well, close to retirement. They don't help us out as such but were v generous with a recent gift for me and DH and always get a little something for my kids whenever they see them (3yo and baby, every couple of months), colouring book, sweets, soft toy etc. ILs had their own business and are certainly very comfortable, and the loveliest people you'd meet. They bought toddler a bike for Christmas, bought a car seat before she was born etc. Again they don't help us out, but they live far away and like to be able to support us with a few of those slightly more expensive things occasionally, and lots of facetime with toddler.
Point is both our parents are boomers, comfortable with decent pensions and bought houses back when it was easier and cheaper, and happy to buy bits for their grandchildren. It certainly isn't all the time or the majority of the kids presents and things. They just ask what we think the kids would like, we have a list (starting from books at a few £, most items maybe £10-£20). They choose whatever they personally want to give, no expectstion from us. We don't have any support in terms of childcare or babysitting, though mostly due to geography and covid.

It's the same old discussion about boomers vs millennials and younger generations. Not many 'have it easy' (my parents certainly didn't) but there was more support then, more people had good pensions and the money required to raise their family was much more likely to be covered by 1 salary. Sweeping generalisation, I realise this does not apply to everyone, but it was more likely then than now. Pretty sure a lot of generations feel this way but it is in black and white that boomers had many of those things easier than any other generation before or since.

I get no help from my PILs or my own parents. I'm widowed and struggling, l can't imagine having parental support in any form. I have friends whose parents are always helping out so it definitely does happen, they are lucky!

Nope, never been particularly supported. Perhaps a one off small payment when they sold two of their houses but nothing specifically to support the costs at Christmas ( as they are super tight and probably think we just waste money...on good food and drink for them...)

I occasionally treat my adult DC’s with some additional money but nothing regular. I believe they have to live within their means and if they want ‘more’ they need to work for it.

My parents gave us some money when they inherited from my grandparents to use as a house deposit and are very generous if we go out for a meal, sometimes offer to pay for things unexpectedly which is very kind and I feel very lucky. We would never ask them to help us pay for school trips, clothes, general cost-of-living type stuff though or for help with childcare; they've only babysat twice since DS was born three years ago. They would be very concerned if we asked- and I would actively hide it from them if we were financially struggling in case they thought I was hinting.

Yes us. Not with presents for dcs as DM doesn't believe in big Xmas presents but food (they are foodies) and days out etc they do.

Our parents buy presents for our DC, give us money as a present to buy memberships for days out and contribute to food at Christmas if it’s at our house. I would think that’s what normal families do and we also contribute to food if we go somewhere else for Christmas. We earn more that both sets of parents do so wouldn’t like to take money from them for anything else.

I mean I only ever hear about it on MN ffs. I grew up in (and still live in) a 'deprived' area. It isn't full of people getting private school fees paid for by their parents.

And fair enough then they subsidised us for years by providing free childcare, I do mention that but the OP asks about Christmas and other kind of financial gifts so that is what I was referring to.

I think you may need to calm down.

DH and I have never been subsidised by either set of parents! DCs don’t even get presents from the grandparents they do have! I can’t believe that it could be considered the norm for adults to have handouts.

If it’s happening noones talking about it in my circles.

Never had help from my parents at Christmas. Ever.

I’m literally horizontal in bed and couldn’t be calmer, I think you may need to read less into an exclamation mark on the internet.

Don't get financial help but it would be there if we need it. They help my brother. They are very generous though at Xmas and birthdays