Be honest, would you judge us for having another child?

[Callingmrssnow]

We have two DS, 8 & 10, one of whom has autism. We have always talked about having another child but the timing has never been right until now. Also, time is not on our side as I have just turned 39.

DS 2 has autism and is non verbal. I feel like people will judge us for having another child, family included. They will judge us because it will cause our lives to change and think that we are taking time away from our child who already has high needs.

I know all this. However, my DH and I dream of another but I can't help but think people will think we are past it and being selfish.

And my son was around my nephews daily ( babies at the time ) so I could predict very well how he would behave .
I should had he was never prone to tantrums the smacking I mention would be ( example ) ipad battery would die , he would get upset come running across me and smack me and go back to his bedroom , come back apologise and go back on his merry way, not that violence is not bad but in case you are imagining he was screaming or volatile for a period of time , he was not . Same with throwing remotes , it was like a release of anger , he would o be upset with something throw a remote on the floor , remote would break and he would calm down . At a stage I had his psychologist saying to try and let him throw the recycling glass in the recycling bin as it might be good for him to let go of his frustration . .He still likes doing it now , albeit only because he likes the noise :-)

This goes back to the point I made pages ago, if you have good services around you, it is very different to when you don't. Services will not touch us, mainstream school and no EHCP and no support for the siblings.

The only real support we get is through his consultant, which we only see as he has another genetic condition. We (and her) have fought for years to see a dietician, he is only seen now because he was dropping down the growth charts, and he is only monitored due to the other condition.

This.

This is why I would not have another. If a third has autism, it could be more severe than the other one. You would regret it and I wouldn’t be able to live with knowing I’d made my entire family’s life much harder. Hypothetical of course, but enough to put me off.

That’s one of worst reasons I’ve ever heard. What if the third child also had severe needs and the poor NT child had to support BOTH?

Neither child should be forced to be support a disabled sibling as adults. It’s down to the parents to make provision which does not include your other children “stepping up”.

@WhiteFire I wouldn’t say we have good services around us and ds1 suffered greatly due to a failure of local services (so bad the LA did a case review on him). But nevertheless the CCG & LA had to act because the risks were so high. The impact of both failures and actions were felt largely by ds1 and parents rather than siblings (but again they had each other). The actions they took were bloody awful but did protect the younger siblings.

I’d judge cause I would think 2 kids is more than enough

I tend to agree.

I guess selfishly many people want children but as a society we really should consider our planet!

It is really up to you and your DH.
It is not really anyone else’s concern.
If you feel confident that you could manage another child (possibly on the spectrum or not),
it is up to you!

No judgement at all from me... but as a mum of 4, I'd day stick to the same number of children as you have hands! 3 is the hardest number. 4 is about level on difficulty.
People will always have their own opinions, but that doesn't mean they have a right to force them on you. Only you and your partner can decide what is best for your family.