Be honest, would you judge us for having another child?

[Callingmrssnow]

We have two DS, 8 & 10, one of whom has autism. We have always talked about having another child but the timing has never been right until now. Also, time is not on our side as I have just turned 39.

DS 2 has autism and is non verbal. I feel like people will judge us for having another child, family included. They will judge us because it will cause our lives to change and think that we are taking time away from our child who already has high needs.

I know all this. However, my DH and I dream of another but I can't help but think people will think we are past it and being selfish.

😂 no worries.

My cars are electric! And powered almost exclusively by renewables. We have an MG4, e-up and a Tesla. So you aren’t so clever. I haven’t driven an ICE for 7 years.

The only child thing here is irrelevant as Op is considering 2-3 not 1-2.

That’s great for you. You’re the only happy one I know.

Very happy only child here too and I'm far from the only one that I know who is also content with their only child status.

Actually I'm more than content. I'm happy that I don't have any siblings.

Oh and to explain why we have 3, we had 2 but a relative died this year and we inherited the third. One of ours is leased until
next year so we are keeping the inherited one to replace the one that goes back. Lead times on EV’s are long at the moment. Just to pre-empt next wanky cunt comment.

@BabyFour2023

you had a great childhood with multiple siblings, one of whom was disabled.

Somehow among the way you do seem to have lost the ability (or perhaps never had?) the ability to understand that others will not have the same life experience as you and consequently have a different view.

I had siblings and adored my childhood.

It wouldn’t occur to me to try to convince someone to have siblings or to “sell” them my experience

Absolutely not. But equally, people seem to think it’s fine to pity the eldest children. I was the eldest of 4. I need nobodies pity. I didn’t have miserable days out because of my toddler sibling. I wasn’t bored. I wasn’t pushed aside.

Which is brilliant.

but you had been the eldest and had had a very different, negative, experience, then your post on this thread would likely be to express concern for the eldest sibling.

would it not?

Who cares what others think! My eldest has multiple disabilities. My middle has autism and my youngest has dyslexia, Dyspraxia and investigating autism/ADDthey are all amazing human beings ❤️

Just because your child needs further support shouldn't stop you having another child. I'm sure you're very loving and caring of both children you already have, no reason for anyone to judge you having another. It's your family, not anybody else's.

Doesn't matter what other people think. It's your life, if you want another babby, go right ahead!

Don't care what others think. You do you. I'd have loved another after our baby died but it wasn't meant to be. If you want one then have one. Don't have regrets later when it's too late x

Oh come on! This is mumsnet. Judging is what we DO!

At your age the chances of having another child with special needs is much higher. You need to be sure you are prepared for this and could cope.

I would not judge you. As long as you can deal with what comes with having 3 kids without needing other people to step in and help, then it's absolutely your right to make this decision. If that's want you want to do and you can cope with it, then by all means, go for it!

Oh just go for it! You might find it’s difficult to conceive anyway and that nature prevents it from happening… but you might not! What’s meant to be and all that :) you seem very considered from the very fact you’re asking this question so shame on your family or those around you if they judge you for your decision!

Go for it – you clearly feel ready, fit and able. 39 is not too old at all. Loads of people have babies in their 40s these days.

It’s your life. Do what you want to do, not what other people think you should do. As long as you’ve thought through the positives and possible negatives, it’s your decision, no one else’s.

My kids are 13 years apart and oldest has autism . They do lots together and why would you think they can’t go out individually anyway ? Like all of mine love Disneyland , holidays abroad on the beach having dinner weekly at the local pub , sledging in winter , the trampoline park , walks in the woods . Other stuff as the play area or long days on the beach I might do with just the youngest as the oldest prefers short days at the beach and is to big for the play area .

I think you are making so much negativity on your mid you don’t even realise how much families with disabled children are mostly the same as any other. I should add the benefits of a siblings to my autistic child were huge and he adores his sisters ( 13 and 19 years apart ) and dotes on them . He actually seems to enjoy having less of my focus on him these days , he is quite happy for me to take the girls out while he listens to pound music for an hour .

If you dream of 3 kids have 3 kids... no one gets to judge you and you are not 'wrong' in anyway for wanting another kid.

It's your choice and your right.

Don't ask others pemission as there are always people willing a ready to shit on you because they do like/want kids or couldnt imagine having 3 or have some martyr complex about 'the state of the world' etc... its their personal biases and nothing else.

As long as you can afford it , then no judgement from me

My brother and his wife have a son who is downs , i come from a family of 6 we all have at least 2 children and he is the most loved of all , go for it , as long as you love the child go for it

Environment reasons and you have 3 cars ! What a load of BS . You sound so self absorbed and that’s probably the reason why you couldn’t possibly fathom a second child or see how a sibling brings benefits ( there are studies on this ) . I only have one sister and I often have a go at my parents for only being us , who wouldn’t love a sibling ?
By all means choose go only have a child but don’t pretend it’s to anyone’s benefits but your own . The same way you criticise the OP , people will be criticising you .