To think 3 days compassionate leave is appalling

[flipflop00]

How much do you think people should be given?

In the circumstances, could she ask to pull forward a week of leave from next year's allowance? Not ideal but can't think how else to get round such a difficult situation. I don't know why employers are so harsh at this time. People don't forget how they were unsupported and end up leaving out of resentment.

I’ve had a few reports who have experienced bereavements this year. 3 days is not much at all and even if they return to work soon, they probably won’t be all there for a while. Standard seems to be a week’s compassionate leave and then signed off sick and an understanding that the bereaved person will probably be doing shorter hours, be less effective etc for a while.

Ok hon, I've just spent 20 years writing these policies but you know best 🤷

Then write better policies @RFPO77

Maybe read and understand what I've written. Companies have a small number of set days people can take, anything more is left to the individual managers to decide based on the situation they're presented with. God I give up glad I'm not your HR rep!

In my company it's 2 days for aunt uncle or cousin and 3 days for parent child, grandparent, sibling
But it's flexible. I have a colleague who's daughter recently died. He was told to take as long as he needed. He came back to work after about 3 weeks.

It is appalling. @flipflop00 100% agree with you and to all those questioning the girl is young or old shame on you. People process grief differently and a 40 year old women can suffer equally as much as young girl.

company size doesn’t matter. If business les crumble because a person is out then its a poorly managed business in the first place and not worth working for. Such places need zero loyalty

My mother died very suddenly in her 40s. I was 18 and don't think I ever really got over it. So no, I don't think 3 days compassionate leave is anywhere near enough.

Just to compare, when my mum died I was in my early 30’s, and was given two weeks off work. In fact, work took their cue from me, and arranged for my replacement to stop when I said that I wanted to come back.
I could have had longer I suspect.
Three days is just not enough, I bet she feels like her world has ended! It was difficult enough for me after two weeks, to try to do ‘normal’ things again, when all I could think about was the enormity of what happened.
My heart goes out to your friend.

I hope this helps.

I am 28 years old and my mum was taken ill very suddenly in May, we lost her less than 2 weeks later. I can only describe it as similar to a car crash, we had no time to say goodbye or process.

I was signed off work overnight when we were told she had only days to live and when she died I was told to come back when I was ready, there was no set time. I was off for nearly 8 weeks and no questions were asked. Fully paid during the 8 weeks and the company also sent me letters of condolences, care packages, food vouchers etc. I feel so lucky to work for them. We are a company of around 200 people.

whoa - you think she shouldn’t have more than 3 days for witnessing that? If I were her employer I would say come back when you’re ready!

My mum died when I was 24 back in late 1990. I got 2 days plus funeral - local government. It didn’t cross my mind to take sick leave then - I don’t think people did. It was hell being back at work so quickly. I never really grieved and I think I still suffer now 30 years later. I think a fortnight is fair for a parent. You need the routine. But does depend on the job.

just reading through these - so glad I don’t work in an office. Think it’s gross how some of the places quantify grief eg aunt is worth two days etc. it’s disgusting. I had a miscarriage and my work gave me two weeks. I could not have come back sooner. They are the same with everyone at my work - their care of their staff is commendable. As a result, people stay loyal.

It depends on the office. I've known colleagues take months of paid leave for a parent's death.

I mean if you can't cope you cant go back can you?

After 6 years of infertility and treatments I finally fell pregnant then lost the baby, they where very nice to me and told me to take my time (I was a manager but it was mostly volunteer with some expenses paid, said I could take up to 3 years off before being removed from the books) but I never wen't back.

My world crumbled in that moment and everything changed, for months I was a walking zombie and then had some sort of 'life crisis' where I through myself obsessively into hobbies, its been 7 years now and even though things are a lot better I still don't think I would go back as my lifes in a different place now.

When my grandparents died though it was only really a day off for the funeral needed etc...

Yes, 3 days in those circumstances will not be enough for sure.
I had an immediate 2 weeks, no note needed.
Re pets, when a fox got in and slaughtered my entire flock of hens in the night my employer understood I might not be in a fit state to take my phonics group an hour later and were quite happy to give me the day to get things tidied up which was kind - and sadly necessary (griim).

Whether she was 16, 36 or 106 the trauma is still the same!

Disagree with this. Your mum dying when you're a teenager is much worse than your mum dying when you're 36. Assuming you have a good relationship with your mum, it's shit any which way, but you can't really say that it's the same for an adult, especially if they have children. The point at which you have children is the point at which you realise that your child dying is a million times worse than the combined deaths of every single other person that you know.

Anyway, as to time off: you can't make blanket rules. Personally, I found it helpful to work rather than sit at home being miserable, and I wouldn't have taken time off if I'd been offered it. My DC went to school as normal because the normality and familiarity is good. But I am very much a 'crack on with it' person. Something shit happens, you have to deal with it, but the world continues to turn, and you have to get on with it. If you're a person who feels you need lots of time off, you take leave for it.

Standard with most employers as it means they have a guideline to work to. But I've always gone on a situation by situation basis & if a colleague needed more for whatever reason have done what I can to accommodate. Seeing the doctor is also an option. Especially in this circumstance.

What a shame for this girl, I hope she’s ok. In this day and age surely everyone should be entitled to company sick pay? It’s disgusting really.

Seem normal and my manager did agree not really long enough. So sick not for the next 6 weeks whilst things were sorted - sudden death of a parent, not straight forward, funeral not for a few weeks etc. work were fine with a doctors not though and told me to take as long as I needed.

Whether she was 16, 36 or 106 the trauma is still the same!

I disagree, @flipflop00 . At 27, I was completely unprepared for my Mum’s death; over 20 years later, I’m far more emotionally and mentally prepared for my Dad’s eventual passing (hopefully not for a good while yet), because I have more life experience. Your poor friend definitely needs a lot of support due to her age.

Depends on the circumstances. Imagine losing your partner. Would you be ready to go back to work after 3 days, or even after exhausting average annual leave. Trust me, you’d be lucky to be ready to get out of bed after 3 days.

@flipflop00 could you do something financially to help her out? That way she could take some statutory sick leave. Hard for an employer to have a compassionate leave policy that covers all eventualities and difficult for them to treat staff differently.

Our company is great. For immediate family or someone very close especially if you're not coping you take as long as you need paid and longer if of course you get signed off by a gp. We're very big on mental health so we're very lucky. It's was a friend or a family member other than a parent or sibling for example it's the same, compassionate leave for a few days if needs be but any more we'd need a gp note if we're struggling. A friend of mine took their own life a few years ago so I had two days compassionate leave as I was in a state and helped look after her children till family arrived and then had a couple of weeks on reduced hours with a little less responsibility as I wasnt sleeping well because of the worry and sadness. It was the same when I lost my uncle and then a few weeks later my step brother. Reading some of these replies I'm lucky to work somewhere so caring and because it's a huge company they can always find cover easily,

You just get a sick note for as long as you need, no problem.