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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think 3 days compassionate leave is appalling

261 replies

flipflop00 · 27/11/2022 23:04

How much do you think people should be given?

OP posts:
Livinghappy · 28/11/2022 08:55

As an employer I would have something like 3 days as a policy but be hugely flexible dependent on the situation

I think this is sensible. I employ people and whilst I'm compassionate some employees will abuse the situation so flexibility is needed.

I hope this girl recovers and maybe leave the current workplace to find some where that has a better attitude to their workers.

Garysmum · 28/11/2022 08:55

I took a week for my mum. But 2 of those days were holiday - she was still alive and I was at her bedside.I watched her die and had to drive home the next day and couldn't face work for the rest of the week.
I knew it was coming so mentally I was in some respects prepared. I would have been allowed more leave from work if needed. (After one of my DC nearly died they gave me a month off paid.)

SongforWhoever · 28/11/2022 09:04

In the NHS it is one day compassionate leave for the funeral for close family. Annual leave needs to be taken for anyone not close - it is management discretion who is considered close. Most people take sick leave as at least sick leave means full pay there.

MRex · 28/11/2022 09:11

I think some difficulties stem from the way leave is arranged. I recently lost a close relative, and grief for me feels easier split into small parcels of time, rather than trying to manage it all at once... and then what? He'll still be gone, it will still hurt next year and the year after, so that sadness needs to fit in with life and not overwhelm it. I took a day off immediately, another morning then afternoon later that week for funeral arrangements, another day the next week because I couldn't work that day, plus 3 days booked in for the funeral. I can't imagine still sitting about not working at all, and we have a child so life is continuing regardless, but I might take other bits of time off too. Most work is getting done and nothing gets too late because I'm not suddenly off for weeks, the benefit to me is that I can distract myself with work when possible and just stop when it isn't. Most people can't do that because of silly "number of absences" tracking prioritised over the number of days. On top of the admin, grief goes in waves, and I suspect it would help many people if there was flexibility for leave accordingly.

If the woman isn't able to work due to shock, then it is best for her to talk to her GP for a sick note and she will just need to manage that with her company. If it's the waves of grief and managing all the admin, then can she ask work for a day unpaid leave each week, so she has money for bills but also extra time on top of the weekends to sort things out? Just knowing she only has to get through 2 days at a time and Wednesday off for example, might make it easier. Getting and sending copies of the death certificate, birth certificate, passport, bill copies and whatever else is randomly required by the range of parties to inform about a death is time consuming too, but when the first few are done it becomes easier. Does she have any friend to help her organise things?

Swampthing55 · 28/11/2022 09:19

at my work managers have discretion to give more leave. I had a member of my team murdered at work and all the witnesses had as long as they needed. Nearly everyone was back next day as they valued the camaraderie rather than stewing at home. Let her decide how long she needs she is an adult after all.

TrixJax · 28/11/2022 09:25

SongforWhoever · 28/11/2022 09:04

In the NHS it is one day compassionate leave for the funeral for close family. Annual leave needs to be taken for anyone not close - it is management discretion who is considered close. Most people take sick leave as at least sick leave means full pay there.

Im NHS and we have one working week for close family and can be extended by a further week at managers discretion. I had this for each of my parents.
If it's not an immediate family member then we get the 3 hours or whatever to attend the funeral

Chesneyhawkes1 · 28/11/2022 09:47

Some awful stories on this thread.

Some companies get away with giving their employees such poor T&C's.

I don't know the official policy where I work, but I would not be rushed back. And I'd get full pay if off sick.

BobLemon · 28/11/2022 09:52

My organisation has a policy of line managers determining each circumstance. This scenario has actually happened, and it was 2 weeks.

But, if this is a minimum wage role, it’s very clear that the person in question should seek new employment.

TheBirdintheCave · 28/11/2022 09:53

My company is very, very good with this. I was told I could take as much time as I needed when I had my MMC back in March/April. I even got a day's compassionate leave to go to the funeral of my husband's uncle.

I know my manager had two paid weeks compassionate leave when her dad died.

Hellno44 · 28/11/2022 09:53

She should take the 3 days compassionate. They go sick for the week. SSP isn't much but she'll pay less tax and NI and hopefully won't be too short in her wages. She needs time to process and get things done.

TheSilentPicnic · 28/11/2022 10:32

I agree 100 percent. Sums up the importance we attach to work over life (and death).

surreygirl1987 · 28/11/2022 10:36

Do you not think early 20s is young to lose your mum? She's not in school but I class her as young. She has bills to pay like any other adult

Of course - but you said a "young girl" not an "adult". I was trying to establish if you were talking about a school child, which would be a very different scenario! Women in their twenties are (thankfully) not very often referred to as 'young girls' - because they are adults.

WeeOrcadian · 28/11/2022 10:38

A slightly different angle OP, and I appreciate that this may not be an option - did her mum have any life insurance / in-service death benefit / similar in place? Is there a big ticket item, such as a vehicle, than can be sold to ease the financial burden in the short term?

Jagoda · 28/11/2022 11:07

SSP should be higher, or all employers should be forced to pay full sick pay. However, this woman entered into this contract knowing she wouldn't get sick pay - most in that position try to save to protect themselves from the damage of long term sickness, which can happen to anyone at any time.

Agree with PP - surely there is life insurance that will pay out? Assets?

If someone close to me was in this situation I would support them as much as I could until they were able to pay me back.

PeloFondo · 28/11/2022 11:13

We get 5 I think, so I took 4 days off when my mum died and then used the other day for the funeral

MichaelFabricantWig · 28/11/2022 11:24

flipflop00 · 27/11/2022 23:38

I understand many are saying sick leave is more appropriate but that simply just doesn't cover the cost of living right now. It's not a financial option. I just think at least 5 working days would give her time to get her head around it all

I don’t disagree but it is what it is sadly. A lot of employers especially in the current climate can’t afford to pay people not to come to work. Doesn’t make it any less hard on her though x

antelopevalley · 28/11/2022 11:32

strawberriesplease · 27/11/2022 23:09

Depends on relationship and cause of death (ie. Sudden verses long illness you prepare for).

If spouse or child then you can get signed off until ready to return.

Parent, I'd say 5 days.

Friend etc then it's a day for the funeral

I once saw someone argue for pet bereavement leave. Someone replied, what if your pet were ants which died daily!

A parent 5 days! You won't even have had the funeral by then.

SommerTen · 28/11/2022 11:40

I took a day off when my last cat was pts at a young age. My work were very kind to give it as compassionate leave.
I was devastated as she'd been with me through my own serious health problems.
I took 4 days off when my grandad died as I was working with elderly people and it was triggering... on my first shift back a man his age passed away which was awful.

But a younger woman I knew lost her 59 year old mother suddenly and her boss literally would not give her time off for the funeral! She had to take unpaid leave.
That firm was notorious for treating staff poorly.

thecatsthecats · 28/11/2022 11:43

Pet leave of a day is absolutely fine.

I don't know why people get snitty about it. I spent most of the day crying when my cat died, do you think I can just switch that off because it happens to be a working day?

As an employer, I have always found that you reap the rewards of understanding that your staff are human, and can't decide what is or isn't on their mind for the eight hours they work for you.

The more I respected that, the more I found that they performed excellently, because they weren't dragged down by life.

SongforWhoever · 28/11/2022 11:51

@TrixJax I'm glad your Trust treats its staff better than mine.

ChilomenaPunk · 28/11/2022 11:53

I had a week off and then worked from home for another week after my dad died. There was so much admin and organisation for one thing- I'd never have got that done in three days.

PeloFondo · 28/11/2022 11:59

thecatsthecats · 28/11/2022 11:43

Pet leave of a day is absolutely fine.

I don't know why people get snitty about it. I spent most of the day crying when my cat died, do you think I can just switch that off because it happens to be a working day?

As an employer, I have always found that you reap the rewards of understanding that your staff are human, and can't decide what is or isn't on their mind for the eight hours they work for you.

The more I respected that, the more I found that they performed excellently, because they weren't dragged down by life.

I had two days off when my horse died, the first day I was basically sobbing constantly and the second day making arrangements
My work are very good and saw the state I was in

antelopevalley · 28/11/2022 12:01

One job I was in, a local authority, I got one day off when my gran died for the funeral. I came in to work and basically spent about 4 days crying at my desk and in the toilets.

BinBandit · 28/11/2022 12:23

In my work it discretionary based on circumstances but for a parent it was set at 5 days a starting point but it seems more usual for people to have 2 weeks as often the funeral hasn't even happened by 5 days.

As long as managers are fair and compassionate, discretionary works fine and allows for situations where it's been a tragedy/closer than normal relationship with a more distant relative/how a person is handling it etc.

My brother died in tragic circs as a relatively young man, i was told to take what I needed but actually came back after 1 day as I felt better in the hustle and bustle of the office than I did by myself at home, for others 2 weeks minimum might feel more appropriate.

Newwardrobe · 28/11/2022 12:29

flipflop00 · 27/11/2022 23:38

I understand many are saying sick leave is more appropriate but that simply just doesn't cover the cost of living right now. It's not a financial option. I just think at least 5 working days would give her time to get her head around it all

I think 5 days for what she's gone through is a spit in the ocean.