To think 3 days compassionate leave is appalling

[flipflop00]

How much do you think people should be given?

However, you need to be pratical.

How many days on ssl, can she afford? Even if it is a couple, every day could help. Will she get any money from her mum's estate that would eventually pay for a week or mores wages? Can she speak to her bank to get an overdraft?

The policy is terrible but agree with PP that you need to look at the practicalities now like the above questions.

As an employer I would have something like 3 days as a policy but be hugely flexible dependent on the situation. The relationship, the closeness, the suddenness, the cause of death all play into it and you can’t write a formula in a policy to catch it.

I was that young girl who suddenly tragically lost my mum, my work gave me extra, 2 weeks and then I took a weeks unpaid. I wish I had someone encouraging me to go to the GP and get signed off, my DF was very much in the ‘get back to normal and get on with it’, which of course was never going to happen. I still lived at home though so no bills but for my grief I should have taken longer, needless to say I went off the rails, if it wasn’t for a lovely colleague at work who took me under her wing I don’t know where I’d be.

When I worked in a nursery I got a call at work to get to my dads bedside as he was close to dying. He died whilst I was on the way there and I was expected on work the next day but told to take the afternoon off unpaid if I wanted.

So sorry for her loss, her daughter must be devastated.

But yes 3 days is standard policy in most companies I have worked for. Then see GP to be signed off if they are not ready to return.

My DH is self employed, he returned to work immediately after his parents died, there wasn’t any other option, he thinks it helped him to have something else to focus on, it was really tough though. I don’t think he has processed the grief. He was 19 when he lost his first parent and lost his mum last year. He also had to return to work straight after our babies were born, literally bought us home from hospital than back to work. Not what we would have chosen.

Just a thought, are there any other employees who could donate a day/1/2 a day annual leave? It's at the end of the year so whilst many may not have any I for instance have 5 days to use so in this circumstance would be willing if it were at my work

😳

We get 5 days for a parent, 10 days for a spouse or partner. Managers have the discretion to grant another 5 days though.

When my DM died, I had to clear her house of 30 years worth of hoarding, and she lived 3 hours away. I couldn't even stay there, as there was no hot water for the first two weeks, and the council were hassling me to clear the house and hand back the keys. My manager gave me an extra week, and offered to get approval for another week if I needed it.

When my DP died suddenly, I got 3 weeks and then was off sick for another 6 weeks, then had a phased return.

Three days for a parent seems stingy to me. There's such a lot to do if you're next of kin.

When I worked in a nursery I got a call at work to get to my dads bedside as he was close to dying. He died whilst I was on the way there and I was expected on work the next day but told to take the afternoon off unpaid if I wanted.

That’s awful.

I would hope that for immediate family members (parents, spouses, siblings and children) it would be 5 days and others the standard 3 days.

I would absolutely encourage her to get a doctors note and extend it.

I wonder what the policy is in other countries.

Where I worked it was one day for a close family member otherwise it was unpaid leave. When my parents died I ended up using annual leave. In fact my husband was entitled to more compassionate leave

I thought it was just a day you got?
When my DGM died I took some annual leave to help my DM.

We used to get 2 days paid compassionate for any close relative, with the option of additional unpaid.

I checked our handbook for something else recently and realised it's been changed to a less specific 'compassionate leave is available to all employees and should be discussed with your line manager' type message which I hope means that it's now flexible based on circumstances.

Sick pay is woefully inadequate in most jobs. It's not financially feasible for a lot of people.
I think 3 days leave is disgusting.
Employers need to appreciate that workers are human.

Years ago, I was disapproved of for taking an extra day leave from my teaching job when my father died suddenly. We were very close. Mum had a bad reaction to discovering him dead in the morning and i had to go with her to A&E for a suspected heart attack/perforated ulcer.
Apparently, in the circumstances, I should have only taken 5 days off, including for funeral.

In the circumstances you describe OP she needs to take time off sick, with sick note from doctor.
I hope your company pay sick leave.
3 days is stingey and in the LA I work for compassionate leave is limited to children, partner and parents.
3 days for those relationships wouldn't be enough, people go off sick.

I got 1 day for the funeral when my mother died in 1984...major retail company.

We get nothing. No paid compassionate leave at all.
Pay is minimum wage.
Annual leave is the legal minimum.
Sick pay is SSP - that means you get paid nothing for the first 3 days of every instance then £99ish a week.

My colleague was docked an afternoons wages when she left in the afternoon to get to her dad's bedside as he died.

There are benefits to working here... walking distance, convenient shift availability, overtime, easy cover for leave... that just about balances the crap... for those who are healthy anyhow.

Hopefully op you can advise this young girl to call her gp and get a fit note.

A company surely will realise that this person has had a traumatic time and is seriously not going to be in a fit state to work, it’s better for them she has time off

my young friend lost her dad if 62 in traumatic circumstances earlier this year, she had 2 months off and more time for coroners court

Sick pay is SSP - that means you get paid nothing for the first 3 days of every instance then £99ish a week.

that’s what I was told, but actually it’s not correct. If you have 2 days off for example and then another two days within a month - they second bout second day does count and you should be paid for that fourth day. Many employers don’t either know or say as they have to claim the money back and it’s a faff. Please check it out to insure the rules haven’t changed

I wish people wouldn’t say ‘If it’s your X it should be more but if it’s your X it doesn’t merit as much time’.
some people are closer to an uncle, aunt, grandparent, neighbour, cousin, whatever than their parent! Every circumstance is different. Some may even be estranged from a child. Please be more open minded. There are no rules when it comes to grief.

Mariposista Totally agree, it’s not as black and white as people think.

It does seem harsh. My employer would definitely be more like two weeks. Thankfully we get full sick pay for half a year so I would get signed off in her shoes, but sounds like she would just get SSP. Could you express your displeasure to anyone? If a big company, do they have a well-being lead or anything?

@Zanatdy i also got 5 days, so basically a work week. This was much better than just a part of a week. Though circumstances different for everyone, two weeks might fit many people for real grieving and also just the time to make arrangements!

Though good employers (thank goodness I have one) will also help make extra time if you need

That's the way it is unfortunately,even in the Nhs three days was standard ,most people went off sick if they needed more time.

My company/manager at the time was as mean as catshit when my mother died. Two days needed to get there and subsequently, were given begrudgingly.

Tight arsed git. It made a difficult time worse.

I took 3 days when my father died. 1 to organise the funeral, 1 for me and the day of the funeral the following week. In another team people had taken a week. I got only 2 days. TSB