To think 3 days compassionate leave is appalling

[flipflop00]

How much do you think people should be given?

I was 23, in my nqt year of teaching when my dad died (suicide). I had 5 days off, on the 5th day the school called to tell me if I had anymore time off then I wouldn't be paid. I went back the next week, struggling with all the funeral arrangements, school work and planning etc. I should have gone to gp to be signed off.

My mother died (i’m an only child) my husband was a week into a new job, they gave him 3 days off plus then there were two bank holidays so he had a full week off. They were extremely flexible with him wfh for the first month as I wasn’t coping.

as long as she needs! i think it's disgusting companies expect their employees in work so soon after the loss of a loved one. grief has no time frame.
again, lack of empathy and humanity.

I used to work in the NHS and we got 3 days if it was your next of kin or you were responsible for organising the funeral and one day maximum for everyone else.

So if your mother died and your father was NOK you'd only get one day.

In the 20 years I worked there I asked for one day - to attend my uncles funeral. My line manager asked me what time the funeral was and the location, then told me I could come into work from 9am- 10am and then leave at 10 because the service was at 11am and one hours drive from the office.

It depends on your relationship if it was my grandma I would be devastated she is the backbone of our family.

It all depends.
I had to fight to get a day off to go to my gran's funeral (I was NHS at the time).

And honestly, if I was still working now and my dog died, I would be absolutely useless in work anyway.

Some firms are awful. I once worked somewhere where we did not get sick/compasionate leave. My secretary's husband died suddenly at only 38 years old. The wages bod asked her if she 'wanted to take the week off on holiday...........'

Of course this is not ok in the circumstances. It’s perfectly legal but it is neither fair nor kind.

It's not something anyone can judge.

I'm far far closer to my cousin than my brother or sister.
I'm closer to friends parents than aunt's and uncles.

My parent dying at 85 was very different to my mother dying suddenly when Much younger.

How can anyone say??

It should be a case by case basis really. I only took 3 days when my dad died though because I felt like it would’ve been taking the piss to ask for anymore.

I think there are so many variables that it’s impossible to assign times. I mean if you witnessed a stranger dying in horrible circumstances you might not be fit to work for a while.

It does depend on the circumstances and your relationship with the person. My dad died of cancer when I was 20 and I coped with that far better than when I was 45 and my mum died on holiday.

I worked for the NHS at 20 and was given 2 weeks off due to very supportive manager. I was running my own business when mum died and struggled to stand up for months..

Every situation should be looked at individually really and employees should be supported as necessary. That’s how I run my business anyway and it works for us.

The law has changed recently to allow parents 2 weeks off following the death of a child.

I’m a teaching assistant - my grandmother died in September and I got two days I paid leave - I was her next of kin and had to organise funeral etc. I got a bollocking because I wouldn’t move the funeral when it turned out ofsted we’re turning up on the day of the funeral - I also didn’t get paid for the funeral……

I got 2 weeks off when my mum died but they used my holidays for the year to cover it. A week while she was in hospital dying and a week afterwards, just about covered her funeral and I had to go back as I couldn’t afford to have unpaid leave, I never thought about asking the doctor to sign me off

She needs as much as she needs.

I’ve but rtft sorry but my ddad died yesterday and I get 5 days paid off. Weirdly I got two weeks last year when my dmum passed away.

@RoyKeanesBeard I get what you're saying, but it does sound a bit rubbish. I'd like to think that, between all employers and all employees, we should be able to support an employee through the death of a parent. Most people will only need that support twice in their working career

Your message header gave no indication of what you were thinking but your follow-up did give more content so difficult to assume what you think is right or wrong. In the case you mentioned, then it is up to the company to decide what is needed and hopefully would do the right thing. I failed to save my Mum on a street after a heart attack many years ago. The company I worked for said take all the time you need and, when I returned offered counselling which I refused but, to this day regret not having it as I was very badly affected by the experience even at 35. If she is very young and, your company's HR department (assuming you have one) do not step in to help, then it must fall to her colleagues. Are you sure it isn't her Line Manager making a wrong decision here and should be called out to HR? There is absolutely no way someone who has not witnessed death before is capable of handling this on their own and needs to have compassion - particularly the loss of a parent at a young age.

@HelloDaisy You've been through alot.

I suppose part of my reasoning is that when I lost my Mum, I didn't know anyone else who'd lost a parent and understood what it was like. I felt I couldn't share it with anyone really. Now, at nearly 50, I have a few friends who've been through it and I could talk to/lean on them. I have far more support now, IYSWIM. That's why I said the OP's friend will need a lot of support, as she may not have anyone she can turn to (who actually would understand) at this difficult time.

In the circumstances described, I think 3 days is absolutely not enough.

When my Dad died unexpectedly at the age of 78 my work gave me two weeks off without any questions asked.

I expect even 2 weeks will not be enough but, if more time is needed, I am sure a doctor would be willing to give a certificate.

My father died last Wednesday. My sister and I have taken care of him everyday for the past 18 months following his coronary. His death was sudden and unexpected. Three days is not enough in our circumstances.

You are right, it’s having people around who have been through it and truly understand that helps. I hope she gets the support she needs as it’s so difficult to do on your own.

Something has to be put in HR policy about compassionate leave so it trnds to be a small number of days. However some companies are vicious and hold people to it despite circumstances, some are far more understanding and flexible.

@flipflop00 Has any help been found for the young woman?

In the Jewish religion if a blood relative dies, parents, children or brothers and sisters, the bereaved 'sit' for 7 days and are visited by friends and relatives. I don't know how this is accepted in England but where I live it is the norm. It's very therapeutic.