To think 3 days compassionate leave is appalling

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How much do you think people should be given?

I got two weeks when my Mum died and then took a week’s annual leave for the funeral. I’ll take a further week’s annual leave to deal with the paperwork in due course. More time off when she was diagnosed as terminally I’ll would have been better.

I'm sure my employer gives longer but regardless they've never rushed anyone back to work

People on here love to be pedantic OP. It’s pathetic but makes them feel better to pick at people’s posts. Even when they are posting about such serious issues. Early 20’s is young.

If you’re in touch with her boss on her behalf could you try and ask for 5 days? Explain the difficult position she’s in etc

OP if you're communicating with her boss, advocate for her or ask for a HR contact as she needs the company's support right now.

Logically, there's no point her returning to work and impacting company productivity or revenue by messing things up. It's in their best interests to support her.

When my brother died I only took 3 days compassionate leave as I had 2 weeks already booked off for Easter which was only a couple of weeks away and would include the date of the funeral so I went back and got on top of everything before my leave. I like being busy and I love my job so I didn't feel that I needed more although I was offered it. I also worked PT then so only in 3 days a week anyway. My work had also been great in giving me lots of flexibility in the preceeding 2 years to spend whole days with him in hospital and suddenly leaving to pick his kids up from school if he or SIL couldn't and various other things. So it definitely depends on the circumstances.

The issue here, I think, is the employer's poor sick leave policy.

I get 10 days for a parent BUT I am not in the UK so this accounts for travel time and my weekends are also included. So in reality, it's 8 days. They also pay for my flight. For a spouse I get the above plus 30 days. For a sibling I get 5 days including the weekend but no flight paid for.

I do get proper sick pay here though, so could probably get signed off for longer fairly easily.

Locals get less time (except for a spouse, due to a religious mourning period), but they also bury their dead within 24 hours so there's less admin faff. Again, sick leave would be used for anything else.

I was given 2 weeks when my dad died it was particularly tragic circumstances

@JustLyra - that’s awful that you were disciplined and about the chap who only got 3 days when his step son passed. I don’t understand how the management could think that work should be at the forefront of everybody’s life! What a sad, sad world we live in

In these circumstances it isn't enough time but it varies greatly from one company to the next. You aren't going to be able to change her employers mind. If she isn't fit to work she gets a sick note and I fully agree ssp is shit but if she has other family maybe they can help?

When my dad died (long before the days of mobiles)my wife called the office as I was working on a site and she needed the number. The told her the number and added that they did not do compassionate time off. She had enough struggle letting me know the news without having to add that.

My notice was handed in that same day.

As said, it depends on circumstances, but also I'd at least expect the company to be decent.

My DH worked for a large, well known company and it was 1 day for a parent, 3 for a child.

I think few employers assume thar you would be fit to come back after 3 days. Sick leave comes into play. Assuming there is sick leave.

Your employer sounds incompetent, op. Your friend isn't going to be able to make good decisions at work, it'll damage morale of other workers, if you're public facing a distressed employee is not going to make a good impression.

What environment do you work in? I'm hoping it's a small office where you can all take turns to comfort her and make her tea and biscuits!

Does she not get a certain number of paid sick days before she goes down to statutory sick pay? Or would the company let her use some of next years leave?

Ignore me I obviously missed a couple of posts. That’s very rough on her.

I shouldn't think an extra 2 days will make a difference, fully paid or sick to be honest. Is this just her reading the staff handbook or equivalent or has she spoken to her boss about not feeling ready? Other than that perhaps start a collection for her to help her financially.

Do you have an union at your work, if so I would advise she's talks to them.
If not, can a group of you talk to your employer about the situation on her behalf.

My dad died quite unexpectedly a few weeks ago. I’ve was allowed to take a day for the funeral but apparently we are too busy for me to have any more time off, despite company policy being 5 days. I shall be looking for a new job after Christmas.

I think what is reasonable or indeed necessary will depend on who the relative is, whether you have to make funeral or other arrangements etc. Though some of the examples given suggest there should be a legal minimum, at least for certain relatives.

My experience is similar to that of billyt re lack of empathy shown. I was not given any leave, let alone compassionate leave, when my Nan died and my managers did not know what to do with me. It just served to make things far worse.

The company I work for would definitely be more generous. I don’t know what the actual compassionate leave is, but there’s discretion for managers to approve “personal leave”, fully paid, in some circumstances.

When my brother died, I didn’t work for a week and my manager (big company) was very understanding and said I should have taken more time off. But I wasn’t that close to my brother and he lived abroad so I didn’t feel it justified more than a week. I used that week to support my mum, who was devastated.

However, if my mum were to die (God forbid) I think need at least a month off, or a couple of weeks off and then a couple of weeks WFH.

If my employers said that was too much, I’d ask for one or two months leave, unpaid. (But I realise that’s not an option for everyone). I am never work off sick and have been at my company for many years so I expect then
to be very understanding.

I had two days off to attend a funeral of a great aunt which felt fair enough as it included half a days travel either side. That’s quite different to other circumstances that might require more time to get back into the right headspace to return to work. A good employer will be flexible.

My job offers 1 week but when I went through a sudden loss, they told me to come back only when I was ready. I was off for 5 weeks and didn't need to get a sick note. It all depends on the circumstances but a good employer really wouldn't want you in if you were grieving deeply and unable to do your job well.

Unbelieveably shit.

My mum died when i was in my early 20s. 1 day compassionate leave. The rest I had to use leave. Except I had none left having spent it all watching her die in a hospice and I had to use some time to attend the funeral (both in a different country). HR did not tell me I could take unpaid leave and I had no idea about being signed off by a GP. I will never forget the way I was treated, it was appalling. I was young and vulnerable and heartbroken having just lost my mum and all HR cared about was policy. Fuckers.