To think 3 days compassionate leave is appalling

[flipflop00]

How much do you think people should be given?

"Luckily " my dad died in the summer holidays (teacher) so was off work and I took the 3 days in September at the start of term but no it's not enough.
He died suddenly in his sleep and even 16 months on I m not over it. Had a cry the other day and on fireworks night (his birthday).
As for it not being too bad if it's your grandparents that's relative to the situation.
My dc (adults) were devastated as my dad was their father figure and we are a very close family.
Their father is hopeless and not in contact for several years.

Who are you talking about and why are you acting like we know her and know the story?

I got one day when my Dad died.

OK, clearly not an optimum situation. That is a terrible policy. However, you need to be pratical.

How many days on ssl, can she afford? Even if it is a couple, every day could help. Will she get any money from her mum's estate that would eventually pay for a week or mores wages? Can she speak to her bank to get an overdraft?

Who, in her circle, can help her financially for a week?

Then, when she feels better she should try and find a job with a better employer as this one sucks.

Well done for supporting her, it sounds very traumatic x

@cookiesbeforepookies I was just getting slightly frustrated because I felt people were getting hung up on an irrelevant word such as 'young'
Just as it doesn't matter who I'm talking about, I was asking opinions on what people think of her situation.

That is horrific

Three days is not enough, for your parents, kids, spouse.

I lost a son in 2006 and then another in 2011. They were teens at the time and even now, I have days when I just sit and cry. Birthdays, religious days like Christmas, I often think what’s the point if all my family aren’t here? I still grieve for my mother after 50+ years.

Grief doesn’t have a time limit I’m afraid.

To the young girl that lost her mother, I would say be kind to yourself, talk about her as much or little as you need to because you never really get over it, you just get on with it 🌹

I took 5 months off when my mum died. She was diagnosed with terminal cancer, and then my dad died suddenly in his sleep 9 days' later. My 62 year old mum was gone within 5 months. My children were 9, 7 and 3.

I was early 20s when my mum died. I took a month off as sick leave. SSP was crap, but there was no way I was fit to go back after 3 days. Businesses are businesses. They don't care really. They're not obligated to grant any compassionate leave as far as I'm aware, but a lot will, but only for a few days.

I took a week off when my dad died, went back to work and plodded on for a few months then had some sort of delayed reaction to the grief resulting in a complete mental breakdown. I was signed off for 6 months in the end, luckily I was entitled to full pay during this time. I can’t imagine being capable of working after only 3 days

I took nearly three months for DM but almost all of that was caring for her... I came back to work the day after the funeral. Tbh given how specialist my role was I think my work knew if they denied me leave I'd have just quit (I was fortunate enough to be in the position to muddle through financially for a bit without work). DMs death was protracted and awful and she didn't want to be looked after by strangers.

I took 10 days off when my Mum died in my late 20’s. Tbh, I found it easier to go back to work as it took my mind away from the grief. I understand that it’s not the same for everyone though and it took me about two years to really recover from her death. Your poor friend losing her Mum. 💐

I got 5 days compassionate leave from the NHS when my dad died. I don’t know what the maximum is but my manager said that there was no rush to come back.

When my Mum died of pancreatic cancer it was awful. I took a month off to cover her decline and 3 days before her death, her funeral and all arrangements and to unwind and grieve. My GP signed me off with stress.

Three days is nowhere near enough. As other posters have said, the problem is that there is no fixed minimum period except in the case of parents who lose a child (two weeks statutory leave). I had no idea it was legally possible for an employer not to allow paid sick leave, especially as they can claim statutory sick pay back from the government. In the case of people on the national living wage, like this young woman, then SSP would be similar to her usual salary.

The only practical thing I can think of is whether there are any charities that would help her based on her mum's job - for instance, the charity BEN for anyone who worked in the motor trade, gives grants. There's another one called the

Sorry - pressed post by mistake, Licensed Trades Association for people in the drinks industry or Cavell Trust for nurses. I know it's an outside chance and am assuming the OP would be able to help with an application.

I am so sorry the employer is profiteering and exploitative.

The problem is with the sick leave. Compassionate leave is for the immediate admin surrounding the death. It can never be long enough for actual grieving. Sick leave is then for the grief related inability to work tailored to circumstances. This company should be providing better sick leave.

I wouldn't judge either, but I would expect it to be taken as AL.

i'm so sorry for her loss.

I agree 3 days isn't sufficient.

I'm also not a fan of 'just get signed off' a) it might not pay enough (as in this case) b) You're not really sick , you're grieving . And any decent employer should allow time for the initial period of 'shock'

I speak from experience, also lost my mum very young and my employer was fantastic. Official policy was 5 days but at managers discretion- I took 3 weeks.

It's impossible to say in these circumstances. Have to deal with them individually.

I lost Mum in May and the end, whilst expected, was much faster than anticipated, over a weekend, and I had little medical help as it wasn't lined up. I only took AL equivalent to 2 weeks.

I'm not over it yet, even 6 months later, but there has to be a cut off work wise.

Trauma, closeness, age. It all plays a part

Yep. And then pulled dh in and gave him a disciplinary meeting where they said "he wasn't himself since that baby died" and needed to "keep his mind on the job" .

We lost our son at 22w pregnant, he lived for an hour and a half. This was less than a week later. They wanted him to come in after the funeral because they were short staffed.

Huge, multi million pound company.

I think having three days as standard is okay. What isn’t okay is not giving sick pay. It’s inhumane and ensures sick people come to work and get everyone else sick.

This^
As this girl has discovered none of us know what's round the corner. What if she'd had a serious car crash or meningitis ? People just can't afford to take jobs in companies like this any more

So many unsympathetic people on this thread

Compassionate leave has nothing to do with the grieving process.

Completely depends on the person and how they are coping with it. Sometimes it helps to crack on with regular routine etc. I know it helped me when a close friend committed suicide when I was in my 20s and at my first 'proper' job.

My Dad died when I was a kid. I had one day off school then my Mum sent me back in.

Is this woman anything to do with you or are you her boss?

It’s 5 days at my work. It does seem very low, when my dad died I did take my laptop and work from my mums a little too. I just advise my staff that it’s not intended for grieving, it’s intended for sorting out practicalities associated with the death so I advise them to get signed off if they aren’t ready to return to work. Some people are. I was after my dad died, the last thing I wanted was sitting around on my own with nothing to do. The day he died I got the call in the work car park. I decided to still go inside and although I didn’t do any actual work I wanted to be around other people not home alone