Christmas Day

[Evans60]

This year has been a busy year and my husband and I have decided to spend Christmas Day just the two of us with our two dogs. He’ll be spending the week before Christmas with his mother at her home as I’ll be working. My husband and I will spend Christmas Day together at home before I spend a few days with family and friends then come back home and us spend a few days together before starting the new working year. My husband has said his mother is still upset she won’t get to spend Christmas Day with us, despite seeing him for a week! We’ve spent the last few years with family on Christmas Day and want this year to ourselves for one day. AIBU?

@phoenixrosehere if it's not that important, why is it so important OP and DH spend it alone?

Why is that so important?

@phoenixrosehere sorry not alone, OP is allowing the dogs to attend.

Best solution - OP spends Christmas Day on her own, as she’s said she would be happy to do so. DP spends Christmas with his mum.

Perfect idea!

He should also take the dogs with him!

@PurpleButterflyWings - Imagine your husband dying and having to be alone Christmas day

??????????????????????

So now you're just making it up as you go along.
He didn't die.
And it's not like it only just happened, it was 20 years ago.

@MaryMollyPolly - DP spends Christmas with his mum.

Because he doesn't want to......

Wtf?

Because they want too. Simple as that. MIL has a week and Christmas Eve. Her son finds that amount of time with his mother draining and wants to spend Christmas Day with his wife alone instead. He has spent it with his mother the last two Christmases and has chosen not to do it this year.

Why is that a problem? Everyone is getting seen except for Christmas Day where they would like to be alone.

The OP just clearly really dislikes her mother in law, and she is making it very clear. The MIL probably knows it and wants to be with her son on Christmas Day as she is afraid the daughter-in-law (the OP) is trying to drive a wedge between her and her son.

The poor mother in law. As I said (and some others have said too,) I genuinely hope the MIL never does a THING to help when/if the OP has children. Karma and all that!

@phoenixrosehere why is it important to be alone on Christmas Day was my question?

Why is it not important that his DM is left alone on Christmas Day.

Totally double standards!

Perhaps if he came back one day early from the week, because OPs working, he could spend Christmas Day with his DM, and it wouldn't be draining for him?

I somehow think this is not the DH driving this, but the OP.

Why is the onus on her DS to spend it with her when she has time to make other arrangements? It’s not like he dropped the news on her last minute.

He’s also still seeing her up until Christmas Eve. MIL goes to their home and vice versa throughout the year and MIL has spent it at theirs the last two Christmases.

Also, why is it so hard to believe that OP’s DH is exhausted by his own mother? Lots of us find our parents draining. There’s always posters who want to make it out that it’s the DIL who is stopping her DH when many are grown men and will choose what they want to do. OP choosing not to push her DH to visiting his mother and respecting his choice doesn’t make her the bad guy.

@phoenixrosehere how would she go anywhere else, they may all want to be alone with their dogs?

It's so blatantly clear the OP is full of disdain for her MIL!

Like she should've got herself a partner, then she wouldn't be a "burden".

Lots of us find our DILs draining, but we aren't nasty enough to treat them badly!

@MaryMollyPolly her DH is there for a week before Christmas INCLUDING Christmas eve yet he is selfish for wanting 24 hours to do what he wants? Glad I'm not your child
@PurpleButterflyWings I have 4 children, who will all be welcome Christmas day, or free to do whatever they wish because I'M not selfish enough to believe I had children just so I'M not alone. My job is to teach them independence, to be their own captains and to do whatever makes THEM happy. Nothing will be biting me in the ass, because I'm a parent, not a co-dependent on my child like some mother's clearly are.

Sounds like projection on your part. Doubtful that all of MIL’s friends and other family members have dogs.

Geez, it’s one Christmas Day this year. Considering they have spent the last two years Christmas Days with her, they should be able to have a Christmas Day to themselves in their own home. Is OP’s DH supposed to wait til his mother dies for him to spend Christmas Day the way he chooses? Why is the time before not enough?

What's special about Christmas Day as you said? So why so important to spend it alone?

I really don't understand your argument, you've said it's not important, it's just a day. So why such a fuss about being alone with the dogs?

You seem to be arguing round in circles.

This.

I rather have my sons want to visit me than feel obligated because it’s a holiday. I obviously failed somewhere if they visit me out of obligation and not because they want to spend time with me.

@Conkersareback - "It's so blatantly clear the OP is full of disdain for her MIL!"

Where did that come from? Not from the OP's posts. Seems you're making things up in your own mind.

Oh come on!

I'm not the only one to notice it, maybe you're not very astute?

I’ll break it down simpler for you.

Spending Christmas Day alone this year is important to OP and her DH.

Me personally, I don’t think Christmas Day is important and it’s about the season but can recognise some people put a ridiculous amount of importance on Christmas Day.

MIL has her DS throughout the year and she visits their house. They have spent Christmas Day with MIL the last two years and simply want one to themselves.

I don’t think that is asking for much considering her son will be there a week including Christmas Eve.

Can't you have both mothers to stay from Christmas Eve to Boxing Day and spend the rest of the holiday by yourselves?

Exactly!

@phoenixrosehere so Christmas Day is the important day or it isn't?

Honestly, which is it?

You said MIL was being unreasonable and it's not important, but OP and DH are not being unreasonable because it is important.

We have my parents and DH's mum on Christmas Day, can I always be bothered? No , but then I think of all the effort my mum put into making Christmas special for me when I was young and now I want to do the same for her

👏

Dear OP

don’t be guilt tripped, Christmas Day is not the only day in the calendar: many people ‘do’ the day either side of the 25th.

disclosure: I’m not hosting my DM this year, we will be away for both her 70th and Christmas. She will be on her own in a new house , in a new town (too long a story but we really really really asked her to wait until she moved to join us, for various reasons, she didn’t).I’m afraid she for once will have to lie in the bed she made, I love my Mum but after decades of her being our responsibility and choosing to be on her own and expecting us to be her ‘social life’
Well I’m just not doing it this year, bad timing though it is.

best of luck to you, it will feel awful xx