Page 13 | Christmas Day

justcallmebozo · 28/11/2022 22:57

@Teaismymiddlename - "Judging by this thread it appears people have just become needy and incapable if doing things by themself! Your children aren't there for your entertainment purposes"

Absolutely agree with this.

DaisyChristina · 28/11/2022 23:34

Has your Mil been able to arrange to go anywhere else for Christmas Day?

Rhaenys · 28/11/2022 23:35

Pinkcadillac · 28/11/2022 21:43

Because he is going to spend a whole week with her, out of choice so presumably this won’t make him feel drained, but Christmas Day will

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That’s not how it read. It read like the poster found it odd that that anyone could possibly feel drained spending only a day with their mother.

Stewball01 · 29/11/2022 00:21

I wouldn't have wanted to spend Christmas day, or any dayTBH, with my MiL. Enjoy yourselves.

LoisLane66 · 29/11/2022 02:40

I have 5 children and have only spent 1 Christmas with one of my sons meaning that for the past 12 years I have spent it on my own. I can't spread myself over 5 counties, all between 85 - 270 miles away so to prevent having an unworkable rota, I just make visits when invited during the year. Some, due to their careers, have to work over Christmas so I'd be on my own for much of the day anyway.
I'm happy to do what I want, treat myself and see them whenever it can be arranged. We'll have a short Zoom session on the day or Christmas Eve and I send gifts with cards in time for their festivities. Having 14 GC also means that I can't possibly please everyone.

LoisLane66 · 29/11/2022 02:43

I actually like my own company and never feel left out or lonely.

Helena39 · 29/11/2022 05:55

Do whatever you want. Life is to short to spend it pleasing others.
Can’t believe people called you nasty.

IWishIHadNotDoneIt · 29/11/2022 06:05

Wait until you have kids of your own OP. Your attitude will change.

Hesma · 29/11/2022 06:11

YANBU… if she was a little old lady I’d say you should host her but she isn’t. I’m going to be alone with my cat on Christmas Day and am quite looking forward to it. Im sure she’ll be fine and should understand you wanting a couples Christmas for once

IWishIHadNotDoneIt · 29/11/2022 06:17

Don't assume because MiL is only 57 you have years ahead to spend Christmas together. My cousin lost both her parents withing 18 months. My aunt died aged 54 of a heart attack and my uncle was 57 when he had a stroke.

chikp · 29/11/2022 06:21

IWishIHadNotDoneIt · 29/11/2022 06:17

Don't assume because MiL is only 57 you have years ahead to spend Christmas together. My cousin lost both her parents withing 18 months. My aunt died aged 54 of a heart attack and my uncle was 57 when he had a stroke.

Yes you never know which is the last Christmas

LaDamaDeElche · 29/11/2022 07:04

I would always invite my mother for Christmas, rather than her spend it alone and I don't have a particularly good relationship with her. I live in a country where this would be absolutely unheard of. Parents are visited and cared for into their old age. Having a husband/wife doesn't mean your parents come second where I live. They are as important as your spouse. In cases of abuse or toxicity I would agree with you, but it doesn't sound like this is the case so YABU. Marriages break up, the people who you can depend on throughout your life (apart from in the case of toxic relationships) are your parents. It's incredibly sad that when a parent is widowed/divorced that they would be left on their own for Christmas or special occasions.

Dougbir · 29/11/2022 07:34

Don’t worry 😉 but don’t leave your husband’s mum on her own at this Xmas 🎄 🎅 🤶

Dougbir · 29/11/2022 07:44

Since loosing my partner i now go to my number two son and daughter in law’s, I have four sons and daughter in law’s and I moved closer to my number two son Neil-and Claire’s two years ago

beallrightdahlin · 29/11/2022 09:23

IWishIHadNotDoneIt · 29/11/2022 06:05

Wait until you have kids of your own OP. Your attitude will change.

This! With knobs and whistles.

antelopevalley · 29/11/2022 10:47

Hesma · 29/11/2022 06:11

YANBU… if she was a little old lady I’d say you should host her but she isn’t. I’m going to be alone with my cat on Christmas Day and am quite looking forward to it. Im sure she’ll be fine and should understand you wanting a couples Christmas for once

I am in my fifties and would hate to be alone on Christmas Day.

LovingTheAbbreviations · 29/11/2022 11:58

Once a boyfriend of mine dropped his own grandmother back at her home ALONE on Xmas day morning after we spent Xmas eve day with his family. Then we drove straight to my family. I protested very much and felt awful as however much they annoy you, no family member should be alone on Xmas Day unless it's their express wish. My family were happy to add his grandmother to our gathering, but he found her so irritating he would rather drop her home. I broke up with him.

I just think Xmas day is not YOUR day, it's a day where families (blood-related or socially-related) get together and tolerate each other (unless one person really wants to be alone). I've never really enjoyed Xmas day that much because it's never what you really want to do and some people can be really annoying (just from my own experience of older family members being racist, homophobic and bringing the same outdated views up every single time you see them!). The day when you can do exactly what you like is your own birthday.

Even if you hate your MIL, as long as it's not a toxic or abusive relationship, you should let her be with her son on Xmas day if that's what she wants. There are 364 other days of the year for you to be with him and do your thing. Even skiing, I wouldn't go over Xmas and take my DH away from my MIL. It's just one day. It just feels cruel.

LovePoppy · 29/11/2022 12:00

beallrightdahlin · 29/11/2022 09:23

This! With knobs and whistles.

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Have you not read any of the posts from posters in this situation? Most of them have said to get on with it and do what they want.

LovePoppy · 29/11/2022 12:03

I just think Xmas day is not YOUR day, it's a day where families (blood-related or socially-related) get together and tolerate each other (unless one person really wants to be alone). I've never really enjoyed Xmas day that much because it's never what you really want to do and some people can be really annoying (just from my own experience of older family members being racist, homophobic and bringing the same outdated views up every single time you see them!). The day when you can do exactly what you like is your own birthday.

good god

stop being a martyr.

My husband and his siblings hate Christmas because their mother ran around pleasing everybody but herself and then complained bitterly about never being pleased. Why do people do that to themselves?

FallingsHowIFeel · 29/11/2022 12:10

LovingTheAbbreviations · 29/11/2022 11:58

Once a boyfriend of mine dropped his own grandmother back at her home ALONE on Xmas day morning after we spent Xmas eve day with his family. Then we drove straight to my family. I protested very much and felt awful as however much they annoy you, no family member should be alone on Xmas Day unless it's their express wish. My family were happy to add his grandmother to our gathering, but he found her so irritating he would rather drop her home. I broke up with him.

I just think Xmas day is not YOUR day, it's a day where families (blood-related or socially-related) get together and tolerate each other (unless one person really wants to be alone). I've never really enjoyed Xmas day that much because it's never what you really want to do and some people can be really annoying (just from my own experience of older family members being racist, homophobic and bringing the same outdated views up every single time you see them!). The day when you can do exactly what you like is your own birthday.

Even if you hate your MIL, as long as it's not a toxic or abusive relationship, you should let her be with her son on Xmas day if that's what she wants. There are 364 other days of the year for you to be with him and do your thing. Even skiing, I wouldn't go over Xmas and take my DH away from my MIL. It's just one day. It just feels cruel.

I’d invite anyone I liked who would otherwise be on their own.

But people that annoy me...racist and homophobic people....I don’t have to tolerate those people just because it’s Xmas. I’ve cut those people out of my life completely.

phoenixrosehere · 29/11/2022 12:24

chikp · 29/11/2022 06:21

Yes you never know which is the last Christmas

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And it could be OP’s last.. it could be anyone’s last regardless of age.

It’s one day. MIL has her son for the week. OP nor her DH should have to wait until his mother eventually dies for them to have Christmas Day together.

chikp · 29/11/2022 12:30

phoenixrosehere · 29/11/2022 12:24

And it could be OP’s last.. it could be anyone’s last regardless of age.

It’s one day. MIL has her son for the week. OP nor her DH should have to wait until his mother eventually dies for them to have Christmas Day together.

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That's a good point. Do what you want OP who knows when the time will come.

chikp · 29/11/2022 12:31

YOLO

TopSec · 29/11/2022 12:34

Evans60 · 27/11/2022 19:22

This year has been a busy year and my husband and I have decided to spend Christmas Day just the two of us with our two dogs. He’ll be spending the week before Christmas with his mother at her home as I’ll be working. My husband and I will spend Christmas Day together at home before I spend a few days with family and friends then come back home and us spend a few days together before starting the new working year. My husband has said his mother is still upset she won’t get to spend Christmas Day with us, despite seeing him for a week! We’ve spent the last few years with family on Christmas Day and want this year to ourselves for one day. AIBU?

DH and I have spent the last 12 Christmas' on our own since we lost our son. Some folk didn't understand and some did. We just didn't feel like celebrating without him. Both sets of parents were dead so we didn't have to worry about them and my sister has her own family with grandchildren etc, so she was not on her own. However, for as sad a day as it was, you always have to take the positives and for us is was able to sit back during the leadup to Christmas and watch the madness in the shops etc and (very smugly) didn't have to be part of it. We had the biggest fry up on Christmas Day that we ever have during the year, a few bottles of Vino and a "pickie" tea. Enjoy your time together. The reasons for doing so are irrelevant - just take the best out of it and enjoy each other and your dogs

BloodAndFire · 29/11/2022 13:16

LovingTheAbbreviations · 29/11/2022 11:58

Once a boyfriend of mine dropped his own grandmother back at her home ALONE on Xmas day morning after we spent Xmas eve day with his family. Then we drove straight to my family. I protested very much and felt awful as however much they annoy you, no family member should be alone on Xmas Day unless it's their express wish. My family were happy to add his grandmother to our gathering, but he found her so irritating he would rather drop her home. I broke up with him.

I just think Xmas day is not YOUR day, it's a day where families (blood-related or socially-related) get together and tolerate each other (unless one person really wants to be alone). I've never really enjoyed Xmas day that much because it's never what you really want to do and some people can be really annoying (just from my own experience of older family members being racist, homophobic and bringing the same outdated views up every single time you see them!). The day when you can do exactly what you like is your own birthday.

Even if you hate your MIL, as long as it's not a toxic or abusive relationship, you should let her be with her son on Xmas day if that's what she wants. There are 364 other days of the year for you to be with him and do your thing. Even skiing, I wouldn't go over Xmas and take my DH away from my MIL. It's just one day. It just feels cruel.

I just think Xmas day is not YOUR day, it's a day where families (blood-related or socially-related) get together and tolerate each other (unless one person really wants to be alone). I've never really enjoyed Xmas day that much because it's never what you really want to do and some people can be really annoying (just from my own experience of older family members being racist, homophobic and bringing the same outdated views up every single time you see them!). The day when you can do exactly what you like is your own birthday.

Er, no. Xmas Day isn't A Speshul Day where Racism is Fine!

(Also, not everyone has racist, homophobic 'older family members'. By the way.)