Christmas Day

[Evans60]

This year has been a busy year and my husband and I have decided to spend Christmas Day just the two of us with our two dogs. He’ll be spending the week before Christmas with his mother at her home as I’ll be working. My husband and I will spend Christmas Day together at home before I spend a few days with family and friends then come back home and us spend a few days together before starting the new working year. My husband has said his mother is still upset she won’t get to spend Christmas Day with us, despite seeing him for a week! We’ve spent the last few years with family on Christmas Day and want this year to ourselves for one day. AIBU?

Seems MIL made choice in her life to be on her own, while you and your husband are still together. As you say her choice made many years ago based on one guy walking out. Plenty of good guys out there but she chose life on her own, her choice, as you and your husband chose life as couple, and that should also be respected. MIL should be happy she sees her son that much as there are probably worse sons out there this Christmas, It must be your decision as a couple. MIL made her choice 20 odd years ago.

I have a DD...still don't presume that she will spend Christmas Day every year with me though. The last one we had together was 2018. We usually see each other a few days before, or after the 25th.

The day when you can do exactly what you like is your own birthday.

Unless of course the birthday happens to fall on Christmas Day though eh?

What a dreadful, insensitive post. How do you know the MIL “chose” to be on her own? Many people, especially widows, never meet anyone again - and that’s not necessarily by choice. Becoming a couple is as much luck as choice.

I think YABU if she’s going to be on her own. It’s almost as though the two of you don’t think she’s good enough to be worth spending the day with. Why can’t you and DH have New Year’s Day or Boxing Day alone together instead?

I'm not sure whether to be bewildered or shocked that people are saying Christmas day = Racisim/homophobia/general nastiness is acceptable and OK and should be accepted with open arms!

I know, it's very conflicting and definitely not acceptable. I'd rather not spend it with them either. But at 86 years old and after literally thousands of conversations where you tell them it's not socially acceptable to use certain words anymore, and it's fine to love whoever people want, you just change the conversation whenever they try to start. I'm not able to change them, so I may as well just aim for the inheritance and donate it to a worthy cause that actually will make a difference. :)

Unless I read it wrong OP’s husband is going to be there a week including Christmas Eve.

OP’s husband shouldn’t be guilted into spending Christmas Day with his mother if he will already be spending the week including Christmas Eve and wants to spend Christmas alone with his wife. Why does his mother’s wants trump his? He’s a grown man and should be able to choose how he spends Christmas Day. He spent the last two Christmases with her. She has time to find other things to do for that one day.

Why not spend that day with her instead?

Or you know, the whole week hes spending with her.

The most ridiculous post on the thread! Spend every christmas day doing what someone else wants just in case they die soon?

Because the OP clearly said she chose to be on her own after her husband left her. Not the same for everyone maybe, but it is a choice in THIS one

Yeah… The OP said it, who has an agenda. I wonder what the MIL would say. Something rather different, perhaps. That’s half the point of this thread.

Wow, this is cold. Do you not like your MIL?

Why don’t you have Christmas Day with your mothers at your house and have yours and DH from Boxing Day onwards and surely then, everyone’s happy?

Guessing you don’t have kids yet as you sound ridiculously immature.

If and when you do and if you lose DH, how upsetting it might be for you to be left on your own on Christmas Day because they don’t want you.

That’s what you’re doing to his Mother.

You need to grow up and not be selfish. You also sound like you want to pimp MIL out for Christmas Day. Nasty.

@Sopharsogood did you miss where her DH is spending a WEEK before Christmas with her? It's ONE day! Why is it unreasonable to be with your immediate family for ONE day? This is exactly why we have a no relatives/ no visiting rule for Christmas day, I don't want to be pressured into spending my day running around the country to please other people

Your mother, or DH’s mother, IS your immediate family.

@MaryMollyPolly nope, your partner and your children are actually.

ASTONISHED at a woman wanting to spend time with her own son??? Yeah I have to say that is fucking shocking. I mean what kind of unreasonable monster IS this woman? 🙄 As for the people here saying 'I am alone on Christmas day and I don't mind it!' Well fucking bully for you!

100% this. Some of the posts on this thread are vile and cruel.

It's not ONE day, it's Christmas Day! Why does having a busy year mean you can only recharge on CHRISTMAS day?

Mean spirited, IMO!

@PurpleButterflyWings

Whoa. Calm down now. Are you maybe getting just a tiny bit too worked up?

Yeah….and that’s one of the things that is wrong with society today - people considering only those in their own house as their “family”, or, worse, their “little family”. It’s selfish and self-centred, it lacks community and destroys community, and it’ll bite you in the backside.

It is! VERY mean spirited and selfish. Poor woman (the OP's MIL) is alone on Christmas day, but the OP doesn't care, and she clearly dislikes the woman. I feel sorry for the MIL. The son should put his foot down and tell the OP 'my mother is coming Christmas day!!!' The OP did try and say her DH didn't want his mother there either (later in the thread) but I don't believe that.

Imagine your husband dying and having to be alone Christmas day and then finding your own son and his wife DON'T WANT YOU WITH THEM on Christmas day.

This. ^ I sincerely hope that if the OP ever has children that the MIL refuses to help with babysitting. As you say the selfish behaviour the OP is displaying WILL bite her in the arse, one day.

Why is so much importance put on one day because it’s Christmas? Christmas is more than one day on the calendar. . There’s Christmas Eve, Christmas Day, Boxing Day and New Years that people can visit others. It should be also be recognised once again that people shouldn’t be guilted into spending time with people they don’t want to because it’s Christmas, whatever that means.

If it is such an important day, then OP’s husband has every right to spend it how he wants.