Hour many hours sleep at weekend

[sleepyrant]

I'm trying to establish what is normal for a grown adult male.

My DH seems to think that 12/ 15 hours is normal.

And that I am a nag/ unreasonable for suggesting that sleeping like a teenager is normal for a grown arsed male.

Should I LTB?

Do you have children?

How can you have good quality sleep if you are lying in bed so long?

I'm not trying to be goady I just think it must be possible to have too much sleep or to convince yourself that you need more than you actually do. You only have to google can you get 'too much sleep' to see that the answers suggest that it is as harmful to get too much as too little.

People need different amounts of sleep. It is absolutely unreasonable to try to change someone sleep needs - they are innate.

As for the chores, make a chore list, assign them to different people, and then only do the ones you are assigned to.
Husband/kids can do their chores when they wake up - does it really matter if they're done a bit later in the day...?
When you're done with your chores, relax, have bath/read book, go for walk etc, enjoy your leisure time

It is absolutely unreasonable to try to change someone sleep needs - they are innate.

Is it normal and innate for someones sleep needs to have changed roughly the time their first born came along?

Nope. One of the reasons we chose not to have children is because we didn't want to be restricted by their needs.

But as your children are teenagers who sleep in until midday themselves, I don't see the relevance of that question? It's not like he's refusing to get up with toddlers.

I get good quality sleep and rest because I'm not having to wake up by some arbitrary time decided by someone else. Some weekends I'll sleep until midday, other times I'll wake up early (fully refreshed), sort the animals, make a coffee and go back to bed for a few hours to just relax.

But this is all a bit pointless as you clearly think you're right and want everyone to agree with you about how lazy your DH is.

So it's less about the sleeping but more about not wanting to do anything.
Most people agree that if you've no plans people can do as they please (including sleep.)
But an unwillingness to ever want to do anything / make plans is a reasonable bone of contention. Is he willing to compromise?

Is this a massive drip feed about how he became lazy when you had children? 🙄

Areyou sure he's not just pretending to be asleep to avoid the nagging? He might be reading a book or on his phone? Then, he hears you coming and zzzzzzz 😉

So what is the actual problem? The specific amount of time he sleeps, or the fact that he doesn't do anything to help you?

OP I get your post completely. I have the same issue (sort of) in that DP and I have completely different ideas of what sleep patterns should be. He games until 2am some nights and at weekends he catches up with sleep and will sleep in till 12/1 on sat and if he doesn’t have his kids (EOW) he will do the same on Sunday. I’m up with my kids at 7.

I used to try and stay up with him but it meant I was overtired in the mornings. Now I go to bed early, 9.30 and get up around 6. Some
days I’ve done the laundry, prepped all the meals, been for a run, dropped the kids to various activities and he’s STILL in bed. There is no teamwork or family life.

I Do think we are incompatible and it’s lead to some resentment because of the issues you mention. We do NOTHING as a family and I’ve given up.

Err perhaps unintentionally but yes, it does appear to have coincided. I have said several times that he hasn't always needed this amount of sleep. It's only been the last 15 years. We've been married 20 and were together for several years before that.

And given the age of the children involved and the fact he seems to live a fairly healthy lifestyle you've had plenty of people saying they wouldn't see it as an issue. If I have an empty calendar I'll get up between 9-11 on a Sunday so if its the same for you and him then there's no massive impact on your life.

Why not plan a few days a month out where people would have to get up around 9ish or embrace your free time on a Sunday?

So the majority of this thread was totally pointless, really.

If he's "sleeping" to opt out of family life and has been doing that since the kids were born, that can't be compared to other people who choose to spend their time off sleeping because they have no other commitments.

I do think there is an element of that.

Wow, I'd hate that OP, and think it sounds like a miserable and lonely way to live - especially as I'm a morning person and think it's the best time of day.

The occasional lie in, sure, but otherwise, what a lazy waste of life that would feel like for me (personally).

Nagging is such a misogynistic word by the way, I'd be pulling him up short on that.

I'm narcoleptic I didn't get diagnosed until my DH said I sleep too much ! I'm like a sloth unmedicated.

Does he have an exhausting week? I tend to get really tired in the week and then sleep loads at the weekend.

Both and the fact that we don't have much of a family life.

can'tdoitallperfectly get's it, it is frustrating isn't it!

But the lack of family life isn't directly caused by him sleeping until midday when you have teenagers also do the same thing.

You said upthread that all you tend to do when he gets up is walk the dogs or he goes for a run - what's stopping you from making other plans as a couple or family?

Do you know I think that's why I am so pissed off this afternoon.

He told me off in front of our teenage son for nagging him (about getting up so late) . He was up after the teenagers today.

I'd only mentioned earlier this week because I had a cold and still had to haul myself out of bed to let the dogs out as he can sleep through anything that I felt this was unfair, and still he's lay in till noon both days this weekend.

He has been for a blood test (came back normal ) about a month ago because this is an ongoing bone of contention.

As others have said he's not going to be changing. Up to me if I'm prepared to continue putting up with it.

Hmm. It seems that you have a lazy husband.
I would guess that he didn't help too much with the kids.
Sleep is not an excuse for that because both parents would be making sacrifices.
You could have evening plans but it seems like he doesn't put the effort in to make those and goes to sleep fairly early (10pm) every weekend.
Can you talk to him and frame it as wanting to do more things together instead of particularly about his sleep schedule?
Also tell him to cut it out with the "nagging" - that word is demeaning and innappropriate.

Get back into bed with him and have a cuddle

That would piss me off no end. DH and I are both early risers and like to crack on with things at the weekend. I would hate to be waiting for him to get up.

Would you do things spontaneously if everyone was up earlier or would it be better to plan so people could set alarms once in a while? I'll admit I'm a planner so if I had nothing to do I wouldn't set an alarm. Some Sunday's I'll be up at 8, others 11 but if I have something to do then I set ana alarm and plan accordingly.

Erm, I don't think she's in the mood for that!