Hour many hours sleep at weekend

[sleepyrant]

I'm trying to establish what is normal for a grown adult male.

My DH seems to think that 12/ 15 hours is normal.

And that I am a nag/ unreasonable for suggesting that sleeping like a teenager is normal for a grown arsed male.

Should I LTB?

lol, what made you hate women so much Gertrude. You can barely contain yourself can you?

He's clearly useless but he's not useless because he likes his bed, he's useless because he uses it as a way to opt out of adult life.

And that is precisely what I don't think should be modelled to our teens.

The point I keep trying to make is that choosing to spend your free time in bed doesn't make you selfish in and of itself

I agree so long as it doesn't impact negatively on others. If you are in a relationship with someone who is telling you that it impacts negatively upon them , then as an adult, I'd expect you to have a conversation about it without just saying 'it's normal sleeping patterns' when for the vast majority of people it really isn't.

I do think you are right that there is more to this than sleep btw I just don't quite agree that the only victims are the dogs !

And I apologise for the use of the word victim there. It's too strong. What I meant is the only beings impacted are the dogs.

His actions are clearly telling you he doesn't care about the impact it has on you or the kids, though. He says it's normal because he wants you to shut up and leave him alone to do what he wants.

If his hobby was playing golf all day or spending hours fixing old cars, he'd be telling you that that's what all men do at the weekends. It's an avoidance tactic, not something he genuinely believes.

Trying to change him is like trying to turn a cat into a dog. It's pointless and will never happen. This is who he is. A selfish man child who only cares about himself.

I also don't think the only victims are the dogs, but they're the only ones who rely on him for their basic needs, and he can't even be bothered to do that, which says a lot about what he's like as a person.

If his hobby was playing golf all day or spending hours fixing old cars, he'd be telling you that that's what all men do at the weekends. It's an avoidance tactic, not something he genuinely believes

Somehow that would be easier. I also feel it would be less damaging for the children to see their dad do life avoidance with an active hobby than lying in bed.

Thanks for our conversations on here. We agree in the main. Just not on what is acceptable behaviour in front on the kids, as their mum I feel strongly that them seeing that a parent opts out using sleep is not good for them.

It least we are now agreed that he is useless.

Whereas for me, opting out is opting out - the way they do it is irrelevant if it means they're not around to help and support as necessary.

I think that is true if there are not impressionable teens in the mix.

Yep.

What a disappointment. I've raised it again tonight. Especially the calling me a nag. Doesn't see it.

It won't change. Disappointing.

I think that is true if there are not impressionable teens in the mix.

My dad opted out by doing nice, wholesome, active hobbies so maybe I'm seeing it differently.

I didn't care that he was busy training for marathons instead of lying around in bed, I cared that he never prioritised me.

I"m sorry about your Dad.

Thank you @sleepyrant ❤️

Weirdly, he was amazing when I was younger (as in primary age) but our relationship definitely changed when I became a teenager and is pretty much non-existent now.

Sad, but he made his choice.

?

You’re just proving my point now OP.

Actually I agree with you that he should step up in terms of dog care, activity planning etc.

But I’ve rarely seen some so relentlessly unpleasant on MN so, despite his obvious flaws, your DH has my sympathy! (And that of around a third of the woman haters people voting on this thread).

so relentlessly unpleasant

Can I have some examples of my unpleasantness please?

You have said I'm like vinegar which is by far the most unpleasant thing on this thread.

No. It’s all there on the page and you’re just trying to start a fight.

I’m off to bed. 😀

So no examples of unpleasantness then?

Yet you say I'm like vinegar (which is indisputably unpleasant) for calling out my husband. for prioritising sleep over family life.

It is not only unpleasant, it is a misogynistic term used against women, rather like nag.

www.independent.ie/irish-news/news/vinegary-spinsters-and-blighted-middle-aged-fanatics-the-view-of-women-in-the-police-forces-100-years-ago-41424635.html

Recent example of the term vinegar used in an anti woman context.

You seem very fixated on anyone disagreeing with you being 'anti women'. They aren't, they just don't agree with you on this particular issue.

@GertrudeBell you appear to only be here to start a fight. If this is really the most "relentlessly unpleasant" poster you've encountered on mumsnet then you clearly aren't real either.

No, I've called out posters who've called me a nag or like vinegar and have implied I deserve it, for expecting my husband to be present in our marriage and to be a good role model to our kids as being anti woman.

I do think that this is indicative of a woman should 'be kind' to men attitude and I am not sure if it were the other way round responses would be the same as stated upthread.

OP you post on AIBU you're going to get some ridiculous responses.

In real life, if anyone I know (with kids) did this everyone would think they were a selfish dick.

Assuming health issues ruled out.

Was he like this even when the DC were little?

If yes I would have dumped his ass years ago.

Oh and DH and I typically get 6-7 hours sleep a night. It's not enough and I'd prefer 8 - 8.5 but DC have other ideas. I think any more than 10 means a sleep disorder or they're taking the piss.