Hour many hours sleep at weekend

[sleepyrant]

I'm trying to establish what is normal for a grown adult male.

My DH seems to think that 12/ 15 hours is normal.

And that I am a nag/ unreasonable for suggesting that sleeping like a teenager is normal for a grown arsed male.

Should I LTB?

My partner is a bit like this.......sleeps about 8/9hr of a night and does get up about 6pm to see to the dog and do some work, but then has a 'disco nap' for at least a couple of hours of an afternoon. We don't have any kids (grown up) and he's self employed so it doesn't affect anyone else. Surprises me though as he obv wouldn't be able to do a full time working week. we've been together three years and I don't know of anyone else who does this (maybe that's because they're not in a position to though) He's 56 and healthy.

So 10pm-8am during the week and 10pm-noon on weekends?

Does he do a physical job? How were things when the dc were younger and needed caring for on weekend mornings?

to see a parent who can't think of anything at all to do other than twiddle their thumbs/and or do chores and wait about for someone else to entertain them, either.

Why have you got that impression? I am the only pro-active parent. Any holiday we go on or day out that we have ever had has been down to me thinking it or organising it.

No office job. Works from home at the moment.

He's always prioritised sleep, but he did get up a bit earlier when they were little.

Because sleep makes me feel refreshed and happy and massively improves my mental health. Good quality sleep is proven to have numerous health benefits.

You're no better than him because you choose to start your day early.

How much sleep is he getting during the week?

My brother only gets about 4-5 hours/night during the week (his choice/habit) and then catches up at the weekend. He is in his late fifties so it amazes me he can still manage to live like this. No kids.

I used to do a slightly less intense version of this up until I had kids and just can't imagine doing it now (even though children are now young adults). My lie in at the weekend is until 7.30/8am (rather than 6.30 am during the week) and DH is the same.

Anyway, as your children are now teens I would leave him to it - doesn't sound like he has any intention of changing. Whether you can tolerate this/change your expectations to match I guess would depend on how he is the rest of the time.

How much sleep is he getting during the week?

10 pm to 8 am EVERY NIGHT, the lie in is till midday ish at the weekend.

I got the impression from when you said 'we do nothing and achieve nothing because he doesn't get up'
The point lots of people are trying to make is that there's nothing stopping you doing anything lovely you want to do.

@sleepyrant make plans so he has to get up then.

Ok - just read your update. He is getting plenty of sleep during the week!

Yes I know, but it is achieving things as a couple, having conversations without the kids being awake. Things that I'd consider fairly normal in adult relationships.

My eyes have been opened though. Apparently I am being unreasonable

Who knew!

You're no better than him because you choose to start your day early.

I didn't say I was better.

I am frustrated though because the way I see it is that he prioritises sleep over spending time with me.

But apparently that is because I am a nag, and it is perfectly reasonable for a grown man to lie in every weekend!

What do you and he do after he is up and dressed?

He likes to sleep and clearly functions on that level of sleep. He has done for 15 years? You like to be up, doing things and don't like coming home to a messy house if you've been up?

There's a compromise of you getting up and just doing whatever you want and not waiting around for the sleepers, and they all have to chip in to cover any cleaning or activities you do normally in their sleeping time.

You sound totally incompatible if I'm honest, there's nothing wrong with what either of you are doing - the issue is you're annoyed because he's not doing what you think he should be doing, and he's probably annoyed because he's feeling nagged.

Honestly I'd absolutely hate it if my DH was like yours, I'm normally up by 7 and out doing things, either cleaning, shopping, days out etc. Luckily my DH is the same, otherwise I feel like my day is wasted (and I know this is totally just in my mind and how I like to do things!).

Well, that's how it comes across in your responses. It's not unhealthy or lazy to prioritise sleep and to spend time doing what you enjoy.

He's a grown man. If he wants to spend his weekend mornings sleeping and relaxing in bed, that's his choice. Why should he get up early on your say so?

You have the rest of the day to spend time with him if that's what you want. Even if he's getting up at midday and going to bed at 10pm, that still leaves you with 10 hours a day to do something together!

Is it really healthy to spend that many hours lying in bed?

I find that an absolutely astonishing claim.

Does it bother you?

Your responses to people on this thread are superior, patronising and dismissive. Maybe consider he finds sleeping in preferential to spending time with you.

Normal stuff. Maybe walk dogs. He might go for a run. Depends really.

@sleepyrant so you want him to get out bad and walk the dogs? Don't think I'd bother getting up if that's what was on offer

Please give examples of where I have been superior, patronising or dismissive?

I am just asking whether it is normal for a human being to need that amount of sleep and expressing frustration on the impact I feel it has on my life.

Seems excessive. Some weekends fine, but doesn't he have any plans that require him to be up before 12?

The thing is, he has always slept like this. So it's clearly his normal.

I'd have compassion for you if he want intentionally staying up till dawn then sleeping the day away and opting out of life. But he isn't. He goes to bed at a sensible time, has a reasonable amount of sleep, then supplements it with extra sleep at a weekend.

Well, yes - good quality sleep is vital for overall health, and some people will need more sleep than others. You also say he's been like this for 15 years which implies it's normal for him.

I would also strongly argue that more adults need to spend time doing what they enjoy, not what other people think they should enjoy. Your DH clearly likes sleeping and spending large portions of his down-time relaxing - I really don't understand why that's such a big issue.

If my DH told me I had to get up on the weekend just because he was up, I'd probably stay in bed even longer just to piss him off, to be quite honest.

I'm a grown up. Unless I'm working or we've made plans to go somewhere, I'll stay in bed as long as I fancy. Luckily DH is the same. He was off work on Friday and didn't get up until gone midday. It didn't make the slightest bit of difference to me.

He doesn't make any plans!

If I make plans then he will get up in the morning.

I am also fed up of being the only one who makes plans. He just doesn't want to do anything other than sleep/ relax at the weekend.

I actually do think we are incompatible. He hasn't always been like this otherwise I wouldn't have married him. It's been more since we have had kids.