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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hour many hours sleep at weekend

373 replies

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 14:21

I'm trying to establish what is normal for a grown adult male.

My DH seems to think that 12/ 15 hours is normal.

And that I am a nag/ unreasonable for suggesting that sleeping like a teenager is normal for a grown arsed male.

Should I LTB?

OP posts:
Peedoffo · 27/11/2022 16:34

I don't think it's normal , your DH should be having investigations if it turns out your DH has a sleep disorder there's no cure. The tablets I'm on purely delay the sleep it will come on eventually on my days off. I have slept for 32'hourd before 😳 when unwell. I have a much more active life on the medication but it's not a cure.

Original poster
sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 16:35

Peedoffo · 27/11/2022 16:34

I don't think it's normal , your DH should be having investigations if it turns out your DH has a sleep disorder there's no cure. The tablets I'm on purely delay the sleep it will come on eventually on my days off. I have slept for 32'hourd before 😳 when unwell. I have a much more active life on the medication but it's not a cure.

Yes he's had blood tests already.
The least he can do is go see the GP to see if there is something else.

He doesn't want to do this and thinks it's normal for a 'healthy person' to sleep the hours he does.

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 16:37

Peedoffo is it still treated with amphetamines?

If DH does have a sleeping disorder then obviously there is nothing he can do about it and I will feel differently about the fact he is sleeping so much.

OP posts:
InFiveMins · 27/11/2022 16:40

I wouldn't be happy with this if it happened often. It's just lazy and half the day must feel wasted! Does sound like he's taking the piss a bit.

Peedoffo · 27/11/2022 16:40

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 16:35

Yes he's had blood tests already.
The least he can do is go see the GP to see if there is something else.

He doesn't want to do this and thinks it's normal for a 'healthy person' to sleep the hours he does.

Show quote history

You can show him my posts I'm diagnosed with narcolepsy and no a normal person does not require 10-15 hours consistently of sleep. Especially if it's every night. I can't work off medication as I nod off all the time.

Peedoffo · 27/11/2022 16:42

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 16:37

Peedoffo is it still treated with amphetamines?

If DH does have a sleeping disorder then obviously there is nothing he can do about it and I will feel differently about the fact he is sleeping so much.

I have modafinil which is wakefulness promoting but not addictive like amphetamine. It's a different class of drug there's lots of treatment options modafinil works well for me but not others.

Original poster
sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 16:47

Peedoffo · 27/11/2022 16:42

I have modafinil which is wakefulness promoting but not addictive like amphetamine. It's a different class of drug there's lots of treatment options modafinil works well for me but not others.

Show quote history

Oh that's good. Thanks for your posts on this. I'll definitely raise it with him.

OP posts:
thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 16:51

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 16:33

But the impact on you is the same regardless.

No it isn't. What a one dimensional way of looking at things.

I genuinely don't understand how the impact isn't the same.

Your entire thread is you complaining about missing out on family time and about how he chooses sleep/bed over you. Whether his habits are unreasonable or not, he's clearly not going to change, so you're still going to feel resentful about it.

However, the more I read, the more I think he's staying in bed as an avoidance tactic - either to get out of chores/family life, or to avoid spending time with you. How is your relationship otherwise?

Original poster
sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 16:54

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 16:51

I genuinely don't understand how the impact isn't the same.

Your entire thread is you complaining about missing out on family time and about how he chooses sleep/bed over you. Whether his habits are unreasonable or not, he's clearly not going to change, so you're still going to feel resentful about it.

However, the more I read, the more I think he's staying in bed as an avoidance tactic - either to get out of chores/family life, or to avoid spending time with you. How is your relationship otherwise?

Show quote history

The impact is different because of the way I feel about it.

I really can't understand why you can't see the difference between a person opting out of family life because they choose to be in bed and a person unable to participate in family life because of health issue that requires them to spend time in bed.

And cut with snide comments that I deserve it, probably because I nag too much.

It's unpleasant and unnecessary.

OP posts:
Stillbrokenby2022 · 27/11/2022 17:06

What if he did a hobby every Saturday and Sunday morning would you feel differently about that?

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 17:09

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 16:54

The impact is different because of the way I feel about it.

I really can't understand why you can't see the difference between a person opting out of family life because they choose to be in bed and a person unable to participate in family life because of health issue that requires them to spend time in bed.

And cut with snide comments that I deserve it, probably because I nag too much.

It's unpleasant and unnecessary.

Show quote history

I never once said you deserved it. I just get the impression from your responses that there are other issues going on, but that the sleep issue is an easy thing to focus on.

Lots of people use sleep as a way of opting out of things they don't enjoy or want to do - it's much easier to stay in bed all morning than it is to get up and deal with things you may not necessarily like or enjoy.

VladmirsPoutine · 27/11/2022 17:19

Lots of people use sleep as a way of opting out of things they don't enjoy or want to do - it's much easier to stay in bed all morning than it is to get up and deal with things you may not necessarily like or enjoy.

Precisely. Every weekend there's a thread from a mother bemoaning being up with the kids at the crack of dawn whilst her husband lazes in bed then prances off for a mid-morning run.

Original poster
sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 17:21

Stillbrokenby2022 · 27/11/2022 17:06

What if he did a hobby every Saturday and Sunday morning would you feel differently about that?

I don't know but I don't think it would bother me too much. It would seem more reasonable than excessive sleeping.

I just don't think it is appropriate to normalise this to teenagers either.

I can hardly say I think they need to get out of bed and do something when one of the adults in their life does exactly the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 17:23

VladmirsPoutine · 27/11/2022 17:19

Lots of people use sleep as a way of opting out of things they don't enjoy or want to do - it's much easier to stay in bed all morning than it is to get up and deal with things you may not necessarily like or enjoy.

Precisely. Every weekend there's a thread from a mother bemoaning being up with the kids at the crack of dawn whilst her husband lazes in bed then prances off for a mid-morning run.

Exactly. It's lazy.

My DH claims it is normal.

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 17:25

I never once said you deserved it. I just get the impression from your responses that there are other issues going on, but that the sleep issue is an easy thing to focus on.

It's the thing that is bothering me the most, that is why I am focusing on it.

OP posts:
thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 17:27

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 17:25

I never once said you deserved it. I just get the impression from your responses that there are other issues going on, but that the sleep issue is an easy thing to focus on.

It's the thing that is bothering me the most, that is why I am focusing on it.

Fair enough, but I just get the impression it's a symptom of bigger problems.

I mean, you see it as laziness but maybe it's that he's unhappy about something and it's easier to stay in bed than it is to confront whatever it is that's bothering him.

Original poster
sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 17:32

I mean, you see it as laziness but maybe it's that he's unhappy about something and it's easier to stay in bed than it is to confront whatever it is that's bothering him.

Well I've asked him this and he's happy in his job, no money or health worries. He says he's happy in our relationship other than me nagging him about getting up in the morning. So I'm not quite sure what you are suggesting. He just says that the amount of sleep he has is normal and I am unreasonable for suggesting otherwise.

Other than you , most people on here even those with sleeping disorders, are saying it is not normal.

OP posts:
bigfamilygrowingupfast · 27/11/2022 17:35

That's v odd - most people I know who are older than 25 literally can't sleep past about 7 hours 🤣 I can sleep 9 hours if I'm lucky, but that's rare. There's NO WAY I could sleep 12 unless I was extremely tired or ill or had slept very badly during the week

VladmirsPoutine · 27/11/2022 17:36

Is he sleeping the whole time? I can be in bed for sometimes most of the morning with my phone and a coffee whilst browsing.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 27/11/2022 17:36

It would drive me mad too, OP. One reason my relationship really works is because we are both early risers. It's not nice for you 💐

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 17:36

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 17:32

I mean, you see it as laziness but maybe it's that he's unhappy about something and it's easier to stay in bed than it is to confront whatever it is that's bothering him.

Well I've asked him this and he's happy in his job, no money or health worries. He says he's happy in our relationship other than me nagging him about getting up in the morning. So I'm not quite sure what you are suggesting. He just says that the amount of sleep he has is normal and I am unreasonable for suggesting otherwise.

Other than you , most people on here even those with sleeping disorders, are saying it is not normal.

I haven't said it's normal (as in everyone needs that much sleep) I've just said it's clearly normal for him considering his sleeping pattern has been the same for 15 years now.

If I'm wrong and he says he's happy, he's clearly not going to change - so I guess I don't know what you want from this.

Original poster
sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 17:38

so I guess I don't know what you want from this.

As I said earlier I wanted other peoples views as to whether this is, in fact, normal for a healthy adult.

OP posts:
thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 17:39

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 17:38

so I guess I don't know what you want from this.

As I said earlier I wanted other peoples views as to whether this is, in fact, normal for a healthy adult.

Even if everyone said it was totally normal, would that really make you feel any less upset and resentful?

Original poster
sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 17:41

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 17:39

Even if everyone said it was totally normal, would that really make you feel any less upset and resentful?

Show quote history

YES!

I have already said I would feel less upset if there was a valid reason for it.

OP posts:
Original poster
sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 17:44

VladmirsPoutine · 27/11/2022 17:36

Is he sleeping the whole time? I can be in bed for sometimes most of the morning with my phone and a coffee whilst browsing.

I don't know because when I come downstairs I don't keep going back up to check. It's not a case of coming down stairs making a coffee and going back to bed with a book. He doesn't even make a coffee before starting work these days.

OP posts:
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