Page 11 | Hour many hours sleep at weekend

sleepyrant · 2022-11-27T14:21:58+00:00

I'm trying to establish what is normal for a grown adult male. My DH seems to think that 12/ 15 hours is normal. And that I am a nag/ unreasonable for suggesting that sleeping like a teenager is normal for a grown arsed male. Should I LTB?

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 19:42

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 19:40

So how does 2 grown adults sleeping till midday give us better lives at the weekend?

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You said you don't get a lie in because of the dogs "pissing and shitting everywhere" if someone doesn't get up.

PP is saying that you could just let them out and then go back to bed if you wanted to.

Original poster

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 19:43

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 19:42

You said you don't get a lie in because of the dogs "pissing and shitting everywhere" if someone doesn't get up.

PP is saying that you could just let them out and then go back to bed if you wanted to.

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Well I could but how would that help my husband to get up earlier so we could have a weekend which didn't involve most of it in bed or doing chores?

OP posts:

Swg · 27/11/2022 19:44

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 19:39

we might snatch 10 mins here or there. Alternative my husband could share the sleep patterns of most other healthy adults and we could have loads of time

But that man needs his sleep!

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Look. What are you looking for here?

You were possibly looking for a thread of people who agreed with you so you could show him and he would stop but that ship has sailed. So what are you trying to gain?

He's not going to stop sleeping. He's told you fairly blatantly that this is what he wants from his life. So again, what are you going to do? You can be unhappy and gripe about this for the rest of your life. You can decide to do a hobby on weekend mornings alone. You can leave and find another early bird who loves the world first thing.

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 19:44

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 19:43

Well I could but how would that help my husband to get up earlier so we could have a weekend which didn't involve most of it in bed or doing chores?

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I never said it would help with that?

It was just a solution to the lie-in issue.

BrewandBiscuit · 27/11/2022 19:45

Op, next weekend, wake up, let the dogs out then leave a note for the family that you’ve gone away for the weekend and will see them Sunday evening. Then just relax! You sound so uptight and close to being a martyr

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 19:46

Swg · 27/11/2022 19:44

Look. What are you looking for here?

You were possibly looking for a thread of people who agreed with you so you could show him and he would stop but that ship has sailed. So what are you trying to gain?

He's not going to stop sleeping. He's told you fairly blatantly that this is what he wants from his life. So again, what are you going to do? You can be unhappy and gripe about this for the rest of your life. You can decide to do a hobby on weekend mornings alone. You can leave and find another early bird who loves the world first thing.

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She just wants everyone to agree that her husband is lazy and a shit, basically.

Every single suggestion anyone has made has just been completely shot down, even the ones that say to go and do what will make her happy🙄

Ragruggers · 27/11/2022 19:47

I understand what you are saying,no adult who is healthy needs that much sleep.He sleeps to avoid having to do chores or talk to you as he thinks you nag.I would have a frank discussion tell him this way of life is not working for you and you want a separation.Do you want to continue like this for the rest of your life?Good luck.

Original poster

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 19:47

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 19:44

I never said it would help with that?

It was just a solution to the lie-in issue.

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But I don't want.a lie in. I want my husband to sleep a normal amount of time so we can function better

What I actually came on to ask is what a normal amount of sleep for a health person is.

What I got from some posters is that he should get his sleep and I should not expect him to sort himself out and that I am the unreasonable one.

OP posts:

Swg · 27/11/2022 19:48

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 19:46

She just wants everyone to agree that her husband is lazy and a shit, basically.

Every single suggestion anyone has made has just been completely shot down, even the ones that say to go and do what will make her happy🙄

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Unfortunately her every description is just making me realise that as I am single when my kids are teens I TOO will be able to sleep until lunch and no one will care. Except maybe the cats but as I am capable of staggering down to feed them and back to bed not even then. It sounds amazing honestly.

Original poster

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 19:48

.Do you want to continue like this for the rest of your life?

No I don't.

I have taken this on board along with the useful advice that doesn't suggest that I'm in the wrong for having better expectations.

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Original poster

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 19:49

Swg · 27/11/2022 19:48

Unfortunately her every description is just making me realise that as I am single when my kids are teens I TOO will be able to sleep until lunch and no one will care. Except maybe the cats but as I am capable of staggering down to feed them and back to bed not even then. It sounds amazing honestly.

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That's fantastic for you.

Enjoy it.

OP posts:

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 19:49

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 19:47

But I don't want.a lie in. I want my husband to sleep a normal amount of time so we can function better

What I actually came on to ask is what a normal amount of sleep for a health person is.

What I got from some posters is that he should get his sleep and I should not expect him to sort himself out and that I am the unreasonable one.

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But he thinks it's a normal amount of sleep.
You don't.

You're not going to change his mind.
He won't change yours.

So you either stay and seethe and complain about how lazy he is, or you go and find someone else who's more compatible with you. He won't "sort himself out" because he doesn't believe there's anything to sort. Stop fighting a losing battle.

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 19:51

Swg · 27/11/2022 19:48

Unfortunately her every description is just making me realise that as I am single when my kids are teens I TOO will be able to sleep until lunch and no one will care. Except maybe the cats but as I am capable of staggering down to feed them and back to bed not even then. It sounds amazing honestly.

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Yep, no kids here and it's bliss!

I get up at some point, let the dog out, feed the cats and then take myself back to bed with a coffee or two for a few hours. It's heavenly No demands on my time, a DH who isn't bothered what time I get up - wouldn't swap it for a thing!

Original poster

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 19:51

But he thinks it's a normal amount of sleep.
You don't

That's because it is NOT a normal amount of sleep for a healthy adult according to everyone on here bar you.

Most people on here who have said they need more sleep have underlying health conditions which do not apply.

OP posts:

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 19:56

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 19:51

But he thinks it's a normal amount of sleep.
You don't

That's because it is NOT a normal amount of sleep for a healthy adult according to everyone on here bar you.

Most people on here who have said they need more sleep have underlying health conditions which do not apply.

No, as I said, he thinks it's a normal amount of sleep.

He's not going to change his opinion after fifteen years. Trying to change his opinion will get you nowhere. It's a pointless battle that will have no winners.

Original poster

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 20:06

No, as I said, he thinks it's a normal amount of sleep.

But yet you think it is totally fine for him to model an abnormal amount of sleep to his teenage children?

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TheGoodEnoughWife · 27/11/2022 20:07

What crap replies. If you had posted that you wanted to sleep in midday every weekend day and ignore the dogs/do nothing you would have had different replies!

People love to have a go and call you a nag, be nasty that he is staying in bed to ignore you and tell you you need to chill.

Maybe the husband could get up and let the dogs out and then go back to bed? Why has that not been suggested?

It is NOT normal to need that much sleep, EVERY weekend day, everyone knows that, but that won't stop folk on here turning on you.

This wouldn't work for me. I agree with the suggestion that you get up Saturday morning and go away for the weekend. If your husband isn't bothered by that I would be making steps to leaving.

What is in this relationship for you?

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 20:09

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 20:06

No, as I said, he thinks it's a normal amount of sleep.

But yet you think it is totally fine for him to model an abnormal amount of sleep to his teenage children?

Yes, I do.

If a grown adult with no time-urgent demands on their time wants to sleep or laze in bed until midday on their days off, they should be free to do so.

Original poster

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 20:11

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 20:09

Yes, I do.

If a grown adult with no time-urgent demands on their time wants to sleep or laze in bed until midday on their days off, they should be free to do so.

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Well it's a good thing you don't have children. It is the job of a parent to model healthy lifestyles while they are young and impressionable.

OP posts:

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 20:13

sleepyrant · 27/11/2022 20:11

Well it's a good thing you don't have children. It is the job of a parent to model healthy lifestyles while they are young and impressionable.

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Your children aren't toddlers - they're teenagers who also sleep until midday. I really doubt they care what their dad does while they're dead to world themselves 😂

oviraptor21 · 27/11/2022 20:18

It doesn't really matter what they care though. What they are seeing is that this is normal for an adult and it really isn't. Yes it's fairly normal for teenagers. They need to sleep longer due to puberty and they tend to stay up later and get up later. It's not normal for adults.
It's easy to refute his suggestion that it's not normal. Every article/research that I saw from the most cursory of Googles said that about 9 hours is the maximum a normal adult needs.

I'd also suggest that the poll gives a better indication of the way most people think.

oviraptor21 · 27/11/2022 20:19

his suggestion that it is* normal

thelobsterquadrille · 27/11/2022 20:21

oviraptor21 · 27/11/2022 20:18

It doesn't really matter what they care though. What they are seeing is that this is normal for an adult and it really isn't. Yes it's fairly normal for teenagers. They need to sleep longer due to puberty and they tend to stay up later and get up later. It's not normal for adults.
It's easy to refute his suggestion that it's not normal. Every article/research that I saw from the most cursory of Googles said that about 9 hours is the maximum a normal adult needs.

I'd also suggest that the poll gives a better indication of the way most people think.

Personally I think it's important that teenagers see their parents as more than just parents.

It's healthy for parents have lives, needs and desires outside of their kids. That could be in the form of holidays, nights out or just choosing to spend the morning in bed.

Arguing that it's not normal or healthy isn't going to change the fact that it's how he wants to spend his time.

70billionthnamechange · 27/11/2022 20:23

I couldn't cope with that because I like company but also... fuck me would I like to be able to sleep for that long (or even just 8 hours 😂)

Iamboredandgoingforatwix · 27/11/2022 20:26

I wouldn't want it personally. I have too much to do to sleep in and wouldn't get it all done. A lie in is 7:30 at the weekend. I'd be annoyed if all the chores and shopping were left to me too.

I live on a tourist area and you have to get up pretty early to get anywhere nice quickly due to the traffic.

I've got young kids though.

I don't think he will change, so just get on with your day and don't run back when he does get up.