Hour many hours sleep at weekend

[sleepyrant]

I'm trying to establish what is normal for a grown adult male.

My DH seems to think that 12/ 15 hours is normal.

And that I am a nag/ unreasonable for suggesting that sleeping like a teenager is normal for a grown arsed male.

Should I LTB?

How? When your kids are still asleep?

Why can't he do his jobs later in the day? Why do they have to be done on a Saturday morning?

Why are you sitting around waiting for them to wake up, go and get on with your day!

Personally I require a lot more sleep than most as I suffer with ME.

We're all different, we all require different levels of different things.

That may well be the case. But it is definitely not what you have been posting throughout this thread which is along the lines that I am unreasonable for having better expectations on the basis that you like to sleep too.

I don't think you're unreasonable to want something more or different from your partner - I do think you're unreasonable to expect that he changes to make you happy 🤷🏻‍♀️

He wants to spend his weekend mornings in bed sleeping. He's not wrong for that. You're also not wrong for wanting to do something with your mornings.

He's made it clear he won't change, so that only leaves you with one choice - you need to make changes.

Well it's both weekend mornings. By the time he gets up and does the chores there is not much time left for much or anything else.

It also would be nice to talk about things without the kids there. They now go to bed later than him.

It definitely impacts.

He wants to spend his weekend mornings in bed sleeping. He's not wrong for that. You're also not wrong for wanting to do something with your mornings

Well this is where I have to disagree. He wanted to bring children into the world with me. He should be able to model behaviour better.

He should be present so we can make parenting decisions out of their earshot.

My DH sleeps in quite a bit at weekends. I quite like it. I use my mornings to go for a run, meet friends, watch films in peace and quiet, read etc.

What do you do with the time OP (other than getting annoyed 😜)?

i know. I would have no issue if there was a health issue behind it.

Have you tried having a lie-in too?

You might get some chill then.

Choose to sleep in until midday isn't modelling poor behaviour, though. That's just your viewpoint. The children are teenagers now, they don't need him to be awake early on the weekends anymore.

Why can't he make parenting decisions with you over the rest of the weekend or during the week?

😂

Do you know what , I think it is modelling bad behaviour.

Most healthy adults with healthy lifestyles don't do this

I can't understand why you think modelling sleeping like that is a good thing for kids.

Why can't he make parenting decisions with you over the rest of the weekend or during the week?

Because we are in a small house where either we are working or the two kids are present all our waking hours given that he choses to sleep like. a teen too, except for the late nights. He doesn't even do those.

I'd love to but apparently I don't get to have one. I've tried it. He'd let the dogs piss and shit themselves before he'd get up. Apparently he's deaf as he doesn't hear them.

Just how many chores do you have? Can you streamline your lives a bit? I have to say DH and I spend many weekend mornings loafing about and drinking coffee.

But again, that's your viewpoint. Lots of parents choose to sleep in at weekends once they're out of the baby/toddler years and their children are old enough to entertain themselves.

There's nothing intrinsically wrong with having a lie-in at the weekend. It doesn't make him bad or lazy or a poor role model - he's just different to you and has different views on how he wants to spend his downtime.

I also highly doubt your teenagers care about what time their dad gets up when you say they sleep until midday themselves!

Let them out and then go back to bed?

So you never, ever get a minute to yourselves? There's no time where you could possibly go for a drive, a walk or out for a meal in private? Why on earth not?

Well I've thought about it, but once I'm awake I like to get up. As do most functioning adults.

Stop with your common sense suggestions 😉

Yep and have you tried actually seeing the doctor lately?

You're trying to get through a receptionist for each appointment who wants to know if it's an emergency or if you can wait six weeks. You're recounting symptoms which are kinda vague and you know thst could be depression, have you tried antidepressants? And if you try to push you're marked down as having health anxiety because why else would you be worried about it? Bloods are fine. Eh maybe it was long covid but we have no way of knowing or treating that.

I have private health insurance incidentally. The "health anxiety" note got added to my records for daring to say that actually no, I wasn't okay and could they write a referral so I could get a private consultant.

I suspect I'd still be miserably and guiltily napping or trying to cope on far too little sleep for my body if my health hadn't spectacularly down turned. I don't blame anyone who eyes the system right now and decides pushing for diagnosis is too hard.

we might snatch 10 mins here or there. Alternative my husband could share the sleep patterns of most other healthy adults and we could have loads of time

But that man needs his sleep!

He doesn't think it's health related though. He just thinks most adults sleep that much.

This. Unless your kids have SN and you're about to drip feed this surely they can be left alone for a bit or sometimes out at a friends?

So how does 2 grown adults sleeping till midday give us better lives at the weekend?

they do but it's not terribly relevant to the sleep issue.