Hour many hours sleep at weekend

[sleepyrant]

I'm trying to establish what is normal for a grown adult male.

My DH seems to think that 12/ 15 hours is normal.

And that I am a nag/ unreasonable for suggesting that sleeping like a teenager is normal for a grown arsed male.

Should I LTB?

I would absolutely hate that. I don’t blame you one bit for feeling frustrated.

Well they're busy getting ready for their day and are capable of feeding themselves but I'm absolutely sure they notice.
I don't think it's a healthy thing to see.

Are you just being purposely contrary @CourtneeLuv ?

The teens may 'not care' but that doesn't mean we don't model good behaviour around them?
And although the teens probably don't care if asked that their Dad is in bed every time they get up for college it would be nice if he was around before they left the house?

It would just be nice. Nice to be present in their lives to have those little micro chats that make us feel loved and cared for.

And we do nice caring things for our children because we are their parents.

Ok so you think I'm controlling for expecting my husband/ my children's father to be a good role model and to prioritise me and his family above sleep.

OK then.

about his wife having a lie-in

This is not just about an occasional lie in but you know that already.

OP, I agree with you that 10+hours' actual
sleep a night is unusual for most adults. Sleeping in until midday on a regular basis is also unusual, I think.

More importantly, so very many people are in unhappy relationships and don't realise how much of a relief being single would be.

My ex used to prioritise his sleep above all else. Tellingly, I also used to take naps and lie-ins whenever I could, and only realised later that it was a way to avoid a life I no longer enjoyed.

I'm on my own now. Sometimes I sleep in, when DC not here, and when I fancy it. More often than not though, I naturally awake by around 8 at the weekend. The joy and freedom of a day stretching out before me, with no reluctant so called partner to cajole along with me, is an indescribable luxury.

Ok so you think I'm controlling for expecting my husband/ my children's father to be a good role model and to prioritise me and his family above sleep.

No. I said that's what people would say if this thread was posted by a man.

However, I don't think he needs to wake up early on a weekend or shower before work or have his breakfast at a certain time in order to be a good role model to his children.

Everyone is different. There are lots of ways to live life and your way isn't necessarily any better than his 🤷🏻‍♀️

Some incredibly nasty responses here. OP, ignore them. Anyone with half a brain knows this is neither normal nor acceptable. I think you should consider your options. Personally, I couldn’t live with someone like your DH. Wishing you all the best 💐

'If the mother was sleeping all morning and the dad was complaining I don't think the responses would be the same.'

If anything, I think they'd be 'worse'. Given that you haven't actually got anything that needs to be done precisely on a Saturday morning, I think he'd be told he's being controlling.

It doesn't matter how often it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

If he wants to lie in at the weekend, that's his prerogative IMO. You don't have to like it but you also don't get to demand he changes for you either.

Given that you haven't actually got anything that needs to be done precisely on a Saturday morning, I think he'd be told he's being controlling.

What like the dogs that he wanted being let out and fed?

thank you

I'd find that really unattractive if it's a regular occurrence. Surely nobody needs that much sleep unless they have a medical condition?
We sometimes lie in until 7.30/8am on a weekend and even then it feels like we're wasting our weekends.

There are lots of ways to live life and your way isn't necessarily any better than his 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ok so you don't think that I matter.

You don't think the kids matter.

So what about the dogs he wanted. If I go should they fend for themselves?

If your kids as adults want to sleep in til 12 on the weekends after they have been working all week that's fine. What has it got to do with you ? Some people are early risers some are not even without sleeping disorders it does not mean their character is lacking vs yours. I don't think you can grasp that others prioritise sleep over things.

That's not what I said, and you know it

It's blatantly obvious you just dislike your husband and just want everyone to agree with you about what a lazy shit and poor role model he is.

Anything else anyone says is just going to get twisted and turned back on them 🤷🏻‍♀️

But that's you.

He doesn't feel like he's wasting his weekend and wants to spend his downtime relaxing in bed and catching up on sleep 🤷🏻‍♀️

It's not healthy or normal for any healthy human being to need that amount of sleep.
I'd prefer they had hobbies that kept them healthy and fit and active in the morning at weekends. As would most parents.

If they, as adults choose to do differently then that is their choice, so long as it doesn't impact on other humans or animals.

But you keep saying it's up to him.
What about his dogs?

If they have been working, been active during the week again what has it got to do with you? I cajole my DD out of bed because I want to go out. That's my choice she's not wasting her life or whatever if she wants to sleep in. I get her up because I want to do something else. When she moves out into the big world if she wants to lie in at the weekends fair play to her. Working chores , and hobbies is tiring. It's not a character deficit to want to have a lie in.

You are trying to force others really to do what you want at a time you want, admit it. I force my DD to get up because I want to go out.

But you keep saying it's up to him. What about his dogs?

If DH was awake anyway and stopped me having a lie-in because he was resentful about letting the dog out for a wee or feeding him breakfast, I'd be questioning our entire marriage to be quite honest.

If you went out at 7am would he really lie there and let the dogs shit all over the house, or does he just not see the point in getting up to sort them when you're choosing to be up anyway?

Most young adults won't be doing active hobbies in the morning at weekends 🤣🤣. That's something older people do. They would more likely have been out with friends until the early hours so will be lying in.

I think you are massively missing the point. I don't cajole my teens out of bed unless there is a planned activity. Teens need to sleep.

Adults don't, unless they are ill or are overtired. If the adult is a single person with no responsibilites then no problem, most adults who parent teens and decide to get dogs realise that they do have responsibilities that override their desire to sleep.

Well I know a lot who do.

Lots of sporting fixtures take place on Saturday morning for young adults.

You have very low expectations of young adults if you think most of them prioritise sleep over living an active life.

When I was ill last week he absolutely did not get up. He let me get up ill to let the dogs out. He claimed he didn't hear them bark.
His sleep trumps all.