To be annoyed we weren't informed of death of estranged relative?

[Problemorno]

Hi all. My DM and I have been NC with my grandmother (DM's mother) for many years. She was physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive to my mum, and emotionally abusive to and showed blatant favouritism with her GC (my brother and I were not the favoured ones and we knew it).

However, I am friends with my uncle (DMs brother) and his wife and son on FB. We aren't especially close but nor are we estranged.

Much to my shock, I discovered this morning that my GM has passed away. Back in July! And we were not informed. I only found out because I was researching my family tree on a genealogy website and came across her obituary. It's definitely her as she had an uncommon maiden name, and the age and location also add up.

I think it's terrible they didn't at least tell my mum. Yes they were estranged, but she was still her mum and my mum was still her daughter and she had a right to know IMO. My mum is not sure how to feel about it and nor am I.

But I'm not sure wether we have a right to be annoyed? I'm more upset on my mum's behalf rather than my own.

I think the message they're giving is a actually 'we respect your boundaries'. The take away for me from this thread is that if you go NC but still want to know if your relative is dieing or has died, its your responsibility to let someone know that. And also you need to respect that the relative you are NC with might have chosen not to let you know anyway.

It was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. Two years before my wedding both my brothers married. They didn’t come to my older brother’s wedding as it was short notice (not unreasonable, got engaged January, married March) then they came to my younger brother’s wedding - my uncle, dad’s BIL wore jeans and a leather jacket, not really relevant but quite unusual - and they booked out of the hotel without paying the bill, didn’t say goodbye and when dad went to settle his room was left with their room too. He let it pass but then them not coming to mine tipped him over the edge.