To be embarrassed only 30 of 80+ guests turned up to my birthday party

[Muddleofpud]

Just that really, had a party this weekend, 80+ guests confirmed, only about 30 turned up. Feel embarrassed and let down. Help me get over the cringe 😩

Fucking preach.

genuine emergencies happen. I’d be compassionate if someone was unwell or had a mental health crisis or had a lot going on and couldn’t face it and actually told me. Letting me know in advance with a reason. But if someone confirmed, didn’t show, and didn’t let me know later they’d been hospitalised? That’d be the last I saw them. Not compatible with my values around how you treat others.

Then those busy people shouldn’t have RSVP yes.

But even if parties are 'going out of fashion' surely you don't accept an invitation and then just not show up?

It shouldn't matter. They'd confirmed they be there and didn't send a message to say they'd had to cancel.

It's rife to confirm then not show up, especially without telling the op, unless you had a very good reason.

Can't be bothered isn't a good reason.

A lot of people sadly don't have great manners though.

This is awful. It’s such a big thing to do for that many people. Too risky

That's appalling. I despair at the human race 😞❤️

You shouldn't be embarrassed but I would be totally let down and disappointed. Had you catered for them? If you've lost money it's even worse. Do you plan to address it with any of them? Not sure I would be able to forget that, especially if they didn't so much as text to explain why they weren't coming. People are so unreliable these days.

I've had similar too. Big birthday, loads and loads of no shows. Venue was a bit on the big side in the first place so I spent time worrying if it just looked a bit tragic. Only one of the no shows even acknowledged it and apologized (they genuinely had the wrong day!). No comment at all from the others.

Like others say though, you should cherish those that did make the effort all the more.

I hope you had a good time anyway. What this thread has shown me is that it's a reflection on them rather than the party host which is frankly a relief!

Who are these bastards that rsvp to a planned party and don’t turn up? What is your justification if you are reading this? If I say I’m going unless my arm is hanging off or I’m mid covid I’m there.

I’m a petty bitch and as soon as it got an hour in and people hadn’t arrived I’d have copy and pasted a ‘hey! Just wanted to check you’re okay, if you’re lost and need directions just ring me xx’

shame the fuckers. Make them explain themselves or get a jolt realising they’ve forgotten.

Fuck ‘em.
30 people turned up. They’re your people. They showed up. Focus on them.

I had a party for my 21st and 40th. I’ve finally realised that they’re not for me. I’d rather celebrate with people that will always show up for me. Not be worrying that acquaintances won’t turn up and make the party look empty.

First of all Happy 50th Birthday OP!

It is the height of bad manners to RSVP to an invitation and then not show up without letting the host know first.

And I think 80 is a fairly typical amount of people to know and invite to a 50th.

I hope word gets around OP and the no-shows feel the sense of shame they should. And I would never invite them to anything else again.

Sometimes mistakes happen. When in the midst of working/small children fog, I got a text saying “are you coming to the party” from a friend whose birthday i was supposed to be at. Despite being in PJs, I threw on some party clothes, travelled an hour and was, er, fashionably late.
My sister turned up to a party a day late..
But I agree 50 no shows is not people forgetting basically.

Happy birthday, OP.

I've had this happen 3 times in my life. Once in London in my 20s, it was a pub outing for my birthday but only 2 people showed up. Once for my 30th when I had about a quarter of those invited message me on the day saying they couldn't make it (and I had to make up the minimum bar tab cost). And once more recently for my 40th when it was just a garden party, very chilled, and only half the number turned up (about 6 people including my parents).

I was embarrassed and have sworn off holding myself any more parties. I always have a vision of those I love the most being silly together, dancing, photos etc. but the reality is always very disappointing.

I hope you manage to put it behind you. It's not your fault! And I wonder if any of those absent will now contact you with an explanation!

Yanbu to be annoyed that you planned for 80 and they didn't attend as promised. But yabu to be cringing at 30 which is a pretty good number.

Its such poor behaviour and so rude. People can be really selfish.
Not that it’ll make you feel any better op but we had similar for my dh’s 30th birthday. Organised months in advance, one of his oldest friends said he would be in Italy sorry (then on Instagram was in Italy a month before) and loads cancelled in the few days before, culminating in one of his closest friends texting two hours before. Dh was really upset. I guess at least they cancelled but it was so flakey.
people say organise stuff well in advance but the problem with that is that everyone says ‘yes’ because it’s so far in the future and then when it gets to it think they CBA. Not that that’s ok.

Then you say you're not going
Basic manners

No idea if this is the OP's scenario (and sorry you had so many no shows) but most of the partners of the invited probably won't know anyone at these big parties. I guess that accounts for a lot of the no shows. One half of a couple accepted ages ago and the other half has made other plans since then. Plus the World Cup.

If you invite families and a whole family don't show then it's a lot less no shows than it sounds.

I always expect a minimum of 10% no shows even in optimum conditions.

I think 50% attendance is pretty normal and n people saying they’ll come. I have parties & I totally over invite bc I know what it’s like. And I’ve flaked on people at the last minute & not gone to stuff, bc I’m tired or change my mind or feel crappy. I think if you’re going to have a party you have to accept it’s a loose invite affair & just enjoy who’s there. Forget who isn’t, it doesn’t mean they don’t like you.

Happy Birthday xxxxxx

most of the partners of the invited probably won't know anyone at these big parties.

So? Have people entirely lost their social skills? I look forward to chatting to the partners of DH's colleagues if I go to his work events even if we haven't met before - we still have something in common (our partners' jobs).

It's not hard.
Where have you come from today?
What's your connection to the host?
What are your plans for Christmas?
Do you have children and what do they do?

Happy Birthday Op. I'm sorry this happened to you. People are definitely more flaky now. I've had this happen to me for my 30th. Pre pandemic and 85% of the people invited didn't turn up. I was so embarrassed. The people who did come got absolutely plastered to try and over compensate for me and I ended up looking after them . I'll be spending my 40th in the Maldives . I'm never putting myself out there like that again .

It was gut wrenching receiving text after text with obviously crappy excuses. Most of the ones who dropped out were ones who encouraged me to have a party because I wasn't going to . I think people think that 'oh it don't matter if we don't go because there'll be plenty of others there ' ..not realising loads are doing the same .

Remember and cherish them 30 Op. i hope you had a lovely evening regardless.

Happy birthday!
I'd be delighted with 30 people (December birthday and if I have a party, I invite expecting about a 10-15% turn up and just make sure about 5 key mates will come)

But 50 confirmed not turning up is really shitty, crap behaviour and so bloody common too. I'm angry on your behalf! Glad you had a good night with the tier 1 friends

I had this for my 40th birthday party. Arranged a night out in a bar and restaurant later. Only a handful of people turned up, one of my best friends made an excuse about her fridge or something needing to ne replaced, I thunk another close friend was pregnant or had had a baby.

My best childhood friend from 5, I’d been to both her 30th and 40th birthday parties (hers was after mine), we’d lost touch as teenagers as she’d moved away but reconnected in our late 20s, she’s a single mother but couldn’t be arsed to turn up. Still can’t believe I went to a sort of surprise 40th birthday party in a restaurant the other side of London a few months after mine when she didn’t come to my 40th.

Having said this, I gave a surprise belated 80th birthday party for my mum this year and most of the invited guests came.

I think in general most people are flakey and rather than not RSVP they just no show. When I was younger RSVPing was very much the done thing to an invitation to a party.

I'm appalled that so many people are so flaky.

But this is the reason why I've never held a big party - I've been to plenty where there are too many empty seats.