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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be embarrassed only 30 of 80+ guests turned up to my birthday party

335 replies

Muddleofpud · 27/11/2022 01:48

Just that really, had a party this weekend, 80+ guests confirmed, only about 30 turned up. Feel embarrassed and let down. Help me get over the cringe 😩

OP posts:
BooseysMom · 01/12/2022 20:48

Muddleofpud · 01/12/2022 18:15

Thanks again all, I’ve taken all the comments on board, and maybe I was a bit naive expecting so many people to show. 30 is a great number and I’m lucky to have had that many attend. Thanks for all the birthday wishes, the actual day isn’t for a week yet, but December birthdays are always a nightmare to book venues for, hence the early party. Maybe for the 60th I’ll stick an invite on mumsnet and you can all come!
Flowers to all those who’d had similar experiences, Thankyou for sharing., and FYI all the buffet food is now gone and I’m actually sick of the sight of sausage rolls and breadsticks. I shall take my leave.

Ah! That would be lovely..I'd definitely come if it wasn't too far away. I only ever go.to other people's parties..much less stress. I think you were very good to organise it!

Original poster
Muddleofpud · 01/12/2022 20:59

BooseysMom · 01/12/2022 20:48

Ah! That would be lovely..I'd definitely come if it wasn't too far away. I only ever go.to other people's parties..much less stress. I think you were very good to organise it!

Show quote history

I’ll pencil you in @BooseysMom 😂

OP posts:
HairyMcLarie · 02/12/2022 03:42

Muddleofpud · 01/12/2022 18:15

Thanks again all, I’ve taken all the comments on board, and maybe I was a bit naive expecting so many people to show. 30 is a great number and I’m lucky to have had that many attend. Thanks for all the birthday wishes, the actual day isn’t for a week yet, but December birthdays are always a nightmare to book venues for, hence the early party. Maybe for the 60th I’ll stick an invite on mumsnet and you can all come!
Flowers to all those who’d had similar experiences, Thankyou for sharing., and FYI all the buffet food is now gone and I’m actually sick of the sight of sausage rolls and breadsticks. I shall take my leave.

Glad you feel happier about it. It's par for the course with events as you can see from PP.

My DH and a very close friend had a joint 40th birthday. Absolutely loads of mutual close friends who pushed for a big event and spoke excitedly about it but it was January and it snowed and we got half the people we expected.

The no shows either didn't mention it or feigned an illness or some other transport based calamity. Both hosts barely noticed as they were too busy enjoying the company of the attendees.

Nodancingshoes · 02/12/2022 06:43

Happy birthday! I think this is usual for adults parties and no reflection on your popularity. I popped into a party I'd been invited to last weekend - someone I don't know that well but I see as very 'popular' There were only about 25 people there and I know over a hundred were invited. I hope you enjoyed your party anyway xx

BooseysMom · 02/12/2022 17:51

I’ll pencil you in @BooseysMom 😂

Amazing thank you..I look forward to it 😆

GrinAndVomit · 03/12/2022 06:21

stayathomer · 29/11/2022 14:22

don't accept in the first place if you are that sort of flaky person.
I don't think flaky is the name for the sort of person who is so tired overwhelmed that they can't go to a big occasion! Just playing devil's advocate, so many peopleare saying this is why I don't believe in people and the like, and I've been so floored that if I had something I had to go to I would have cried. I always let people know in advance, but in a winter where people are on the floor with illnesses and finances, I can see how some people could have not been able to go and I don't think that makes them a flaky person

If you know this about yourself, you should be more honest at the point of invitation and politely decline so they can adjust their catering accordingly.

It’s rude to accept knowing there’s a decent chance you won’t be going. Telling them at short notice is only marginally better than not telling them at all.

Asthenia · 03/12/2022 17:35

Ugh OP I really feel for you. I HATE cancelling and never do it unless there’s a really serious reason (actual illness, child emergency etc). I always go to friends’ birthdays and events and try to make them feel as special and celebrated as possible. I’m always shocked by how flaky people actually are. If you don’t enjoy going out, socialising, getting dressed up etc and KNOW this about yourself then just don’t accept the invitation in the first place. Saves everyone a lot of trouble.

dextrek · 03/12/2022 18:33

Exact same thing happened to my sister in law last night op! She had a 60th birthday party, which had been planned since about March. Big extended family and lots of friends and colleagues all invited. Think she invited 90 and had 75 confirmed attendees. Last night rolls around and I'd be surprised if there were more than 40 there. One or two had texted on the day to cancel but most just didn't turn up. It was a really big function room too so just looked empty. I felt really bad for her as she'd catered for the 75 who were due to come and there was so much waste. I think it's so rude to just not turn up, especially when the host has paid good money for food and venue etc.

Original poster
Muddleofpud · 03/12/2022 21:35

dextrek · 03/12/2022 18:33

Exact same thing happened to my sister in law last night op! She had a 60th birthday party, which had been planned since about March. Big extended family and lots of friends and colleagues all invited. Think she invited 90 and had 75 confirmed attendees. Last night rolls around and I'd be surprised if there were more than 40 there. One or two had texted on the day to cancel but most just didn't turn up. It was a really big function room too so just looked empty. I felt really bad for her as she'd catered for the 75 who were due to come and there was so much waste. I think it's so rude to just not turn up, especially when the host has paid good money for food and venue etc.

Oh @dextrek that's awful for your SIL, she has my sympathy. All of us who’ve been let down at some point should get together and have a joint party so that between us we can increase the numbers 😂
In all honesty though, I’m completely over it now!

OP posts:
Creativecake · 03/12/2022 23:17

That’s awful. I don’t think I’d ever have a party in case it happened to me.

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