To be embarrassed only 30 of 80+ guests turned up to my birthday party

[Muddleofpud]

Just that really, had a party this weekend, 80+ guests confirmed, only about 30 turned up. Feel embarrassed and let down. Help me get over the cringe 😩

Happy birthday op! There is flue going around my extended family. It is also cold and flue season. Maybe people are more careful post covid, going to party with a cough.
I cancelled a family get together yesterday, because ds3 had a temperature. I was fine and dh was ready to care for the kids while I went out with my ds. But I'm not prepared to be a get few people potentially sick.

I feel like this happens alot! I think my advice would be to double check a day or 2 before that people are still coming as it gives them a reminder and a kick up the bum that you expect them there still and choose a smaller venue so it feels and looks more full.

Thinking about it I could easily invite eighty people.

There are twelve people in my department so them plus partners twenty four.

NCT friends - six plus partners, so twelve.

Four previous colleagues from my first job I am still friends with now plus partners - eight.

My brother one

My friend from university (I had more than one but I’m only in touch with one to be honest) plus partner - two.

Friend from school (as above) plus her husband - two.

BIL, SIL, MIL and FIL.

then I have a handful of miscellaneous friends who maybe come to ten people plus partners, twenty?

So maybe just over seventy people and I have a tiny family.

I’m sure that it’s very cold comfort for me to say to you that you’ve made me feel better about my own experiences. I couldn’t rustle up 30 never mind 80 and I’d avoid even organising dinner or drinks because I’d feel humiliated and a complete social failure when (not if) people don’t show. It’s reassuring to realise that it happens on a wide scale, and even to people who have the confidence to throw parties or plan events for a living.

Happy Birthday Op. I hope the rest of your weekend is lovely.

Oh OP. It feels awful. I'm no extrovert but for my 30th bit the bullet and invited 15 women "friends" out to the pub. 12 confirmed, 2 showed up. Not a single text to apologise or explain from the missing 10!

I was so ashamed but the 2 that showed up went up massively in my estimation!

I decided life is too short and never contracted the 10 again, do you know something they never contacted me either. People are frankly weird.

Happy birthday OP!

I’d be pissed off by this too; you expect a few drop outs but a better turnout than that if people have accepted the invite. It’s not relevant how many people others would invite. Hope you managed to have a nice time anyway- happy birthday!

It’s not relevant how many people others would invite

It really isn’t. The sub text seems to be that you can’t possibly know eighty people all that well, ergo you invited people you don’t know that well, so it is actually YOUR fault

Ugh people are rude. It’s not on. They should be cringing not you. I’m glad you had a good birthday anyway.

I was vaguely thinking about a 50 th birthday party but I think I won’t bother as I think I’d have a similar experience. Spend the money on a small celebration with immediate family.

Oh I've had this before. I had a significant birthday and it bloody snowed the day of my party. I had a big venue ( it was a surprise party) and about half the guests didn't appear. Understandably. For DH's significant birthday, we booked a smaller venue and slightly overinvited , ended up being quite full as we expected no shows.
I hope you had a great night OP, with the people that did come.
Even if I'm skint, I still try to make parties and just take the car and not drink.

People can be really crap and thoughtless.
It’s not a reflection of you.

Happy birthday!

That's so rude, I can't imagine just not showing up. I sometimes turn down invitations (politely) when I receive them if I think it's not going to be 'my sort of thing' but once you have accepted the invitation of course you should show up ... unless ill and then send a proper apology. Sorry OP ... but I hope you still enjoyed your evening.

I hope some of the no shows bring you cards and presents today, but I fear not. Such pour behaviour but I'm glad you had a good time regardless.

*poor 🙄

That's outrageous OP. I agree that there are some flakey people out there but it is weird that more than 50% didn't show. Did they think it was a very casual event? Because that does seem like a high number. I still don't think you need to be embarrassed, it's them not you. But I am wondering if they all thought it was a "swing by if you can" event vs a "I have RSVPed so m usb turn up" kind of event.

It’s entirely a poor reflection on those individuals who didn’t turn up.

Focus on the people who did show up. Put your time and energy into fostering those relationships. And let the others drift.

I do think covid has changed a lot of behaviours for the worst. I’ve got my work Christmas party on Wednesday. I’ve always gone in the past, but thinking about it today, I actually don’t want to go. I don’t want to get dressed up, it will be dark, cold and probably rainy, it will be tricky to get a taxi at that time (last year we walked 25 mins from the office to the same venue), the food won’t be particularly good, I really only like a small proportion of the attendees (😂) and I hate getting the late train home… equals I’m not going to go!! I’d much prefer to spend the night putting my DC to bed myself, sitting next to my beautiful Christmas tree and wrapping presents.

Thankfully my company has only booked for half of staff now that everyone is hybrid working etc (so only 600 venue capacity when there are over 1200 employees) and there’s a waiting list. I’ll message one of the new joiners in my team later as she wants to go (but hadn’t joined the company by the rsvp date), so she can have my place.

What I’m trying to say with that example is that people (me included) have gotten lazy and prioritise differently now. You need to do the same with the confirmed attendees who didn’t show on the night. Put them right to the bottom of your priority list.

Happy birthday!! Hope you have a nice Sunday planned.

What do you mean 'it's the age thing'?

I do think 30 people is a good number to have at a party. But I can understand the venue may have seemed large/empty. That's always an issue with venue hire. I'm glad you enjoyed it OP, that's what matters really. Happy Birthday!

It’s really bad as people think oh they won’t miss us then loads do it

Happened to me too @Muddleofpud for my 40th x invited 100 People 80 cinfirmed including children , catered for that - it was summer so local rigby club, hog roast, made loads of food, disco etc. only 30 turned up 15 of whom were siblings and their children! Made me feel like
shit and I’ve never had another party x

Happy birthday!

fucking hell that’s awful! Please tell me those fifty all sent apologies and let you know? I can’t believe fifty people just confirmed attendance then didn’t show? If so that’s disgraceful and I would be reconsidering those friendships, seriously that’s awful. What the hell is wrong with people?

Wankers. Why day you'll go if you have no intention of turning up on the night?

For the people agog at others having large parties, a lot of my friends (myself included) had parties of 100+ for their 40th and 50th's. Friends, family, work colleagues, neighbours... it soon adds up.

I think a lot of people are like this - there was a thread on here the other day where someone was meant to be meeting a small group of friends and didn’t feel like going. Nearly everyone was suggesting excuses for her to get out of it! I was really shocked; if you have said you’re going you should make the effort in my opinion.

I went to a 50th in the summer where I only really knew two people apart from the birthday girl and they both cancelled on the day! I still had a good time though.

Good for you having a party anyway - I bet those who did bother to show enjoyed themselves! And happy birthday!

Sorry you experienced that OP, people can be so thoughtless. But you see people on MN putting posts things along the lines of ‘my SIL is having a party, AIBU not to go’ and they get replies telling them that they shouldn’t go, pretend they’ve got got covid etc etc. If you say you’re going to go to something, unless you have an actual genuine emergency, then you need to go! Somebody’s gone to the trouble, worry and expense of organising it, so don’t be so bloody inconsiderate. Loads of us get to the evening itself and think ‘I can’t be arsed now’ but it’s tough shit, you said you’d be there so you need to go.

I agree re people have become way more flaky.

a work party is fine to dip out of though, the only ‘person’ who’d be upset or put out is a company which doesn’t have feelings. Unless they’ve paid for your space and nobody else can fill it, then you should stick to plans. Doing this to someone’s birthday plans is just cruel.

I think large parties are going out of fashion, at least in my circles. People are busy with their own lives. Not in a bad way,happy birthay.

That's disgusting. I'd have binned them unless they reimbursed her.

So sorry OP. At least those who really care showed up. Those without a genuine excuse aren't worth it.