To be embarrassed only 30 of 80+ guests turned up to my birthday party

[Muddleofpud]

Just that really, had a party this weekend, 80+ guests confirmed, only about 30 turned up. Feel embarrassed and let down. Help me get over the cringe 😩

Sorry, is that a typo? 30 people is an "insane" number for a party? 😄

I think it’s lovely that you have 30 people who wanted to be there. It actually does show you’re quite valued by a lot of people.

I do think people are just not invested in socialising the way they used to. I see in a few of my group chats with friends and work colleagues. It’s like pulling teeth trying to get people to commit to a meal out these days.

We had this once on NYE, I'd turned down other invites as we had 2 really good friends and their families all coming over to ours for the weekend.
We had made all the beds, spent a fortune on food and drink and entertainment for the DC.
Then with hours to go before they arrived, both sets of friends cancelled. One said she had forgotten that her in laws were coming to stay.
I feel your pain OP but at least you have learned who is important in your life. Happy Birthday.

They're terrible people for even thinking like that.
I recently had 2 important party invites on the same night. DH really didn't want to go to one as he wouldn't know a soul. Plus it was winter and terrible weather for travelling. So I declined that one in decent time. There's just no excuse not to.
I felt really bad about it but I bet a lot of these ignorant sods don't lose a wink.

God no I wasn’t excusing it just trying to understand. I would never bail

I’m 50 next year and doubt I even know 80 people in total, let alone know 30 well enough to come to my party. I’d be surprised if I could get 10. I wish I was as popular and sociable as you.

Interesting people are saying re who turned up to their parties etc.

I’ve got one ex close friend but she did (when we were friends) travel from the other side of London (West think Ladbroke Grove) to quite far south of the river to my 40th. Not the drinks but to a tapas bar. I was impressed she came and more so as she did have a tendency for being flakey and turning up late sometimes to meet me in the past.

Agree with this!!
Or that it's weird or unusual to have a 50th party?
I know people who have had low key 50ths, people who've been away for weekends with friends and people who've had parties of varying size.
the point is OP was expecting 80 people, presumably friends and family (not sure why people are insinuating they might be random people she passed in the street!!) and a large proportion didn't turn up and offered no explanation. That is a) rude of them and b) inevitably disappointing and potentially awkward.

Happy Birthday OP. I can understand the disappointment and would probably feel the same.

Oh that’s so hard OP. I went to a 40th recently for an incredibly popular, interesting and lovely friend. And it felt a little quiet (probably around 30 in a big venue). I honestly don’t think it’s a reflect on her (or you) I just think some people are a more reluctant to get themselves up for parties / dressing up / being out with lots of people these days.

That’s really crap. I’m noticing it more and more these days though. It used to be the case that if someone said ‘I am coming’ it meant ‘I am coming’. Nowadays for many people it seems to mean ‘I’ll come if I feel like it on the day.’

I’ve come to learn who I can rely on in life, and who not to bother inviting to events any more.

My DH booked a surprise birthday for me a few years ago. He paid for hall / catering for around 50 and a disco etc. He had 51 say def will be there. Like you there was about 30. I had no idea 20 had failed to show and they didn’t even text a reason but we all had a great night, though loads of food left over. Next day when talking to him on how he had managed to pull it off he said how many he invited. Etc. to be honest it taught me a valuable lesson on who wants to be in my life and who doesn’t really care. So take it as a little wake up call. You are so lucky to have 30 good reliable people around you. Enjoy their company.

I honestly don’t think it’s a reflect on her (or you) I just think some people are a more reluctant to get themselves up for parties / dressing up / being out with lots of people these days. then they should decline the invitation, not say they're coming and just not bother to turn up.

I am so sorry. People are increasingly rude about RSVPing and not showing up. Glad you had some lovely people there.

I had similar type experience for my 40th. I was gutted at the time people who said would come then didn't turn up. However, in the long run it did help me value the friends that did come and made an effort more. Some 'newer' friends that turned up and really made an effort getting there and thoughtful presents made me realise who cares!

Happy Birthday! It's pretty poor to rsvp yes and then not turn up and not send regrets!

That’s really bad manners because you’d have based catering and venue on 80 guests. 30 is a good number but not if you had a venue for 80 people. Now you know you don’t have to attend the celebrations of those 50 idiots who didn’t attend yesterday.

I'm sorry OP, but it's great that 30 did make it. There have been stories on here recently of not one person turning up to a party.

One of my oldest friends had a milestone birthday recently. Of all the people she invited I was the only one who confirmed. One other friend said they;d try to come and did. On the night i had to haul myself off the sofa. I work from home and the thought of having to get into smart clothes, put on make up, travel through the cold night to spend loads of money I can't afford celebrating with someone i haven;t seen in years made me want to burrow under a duvet. I went because I was the only confirmed one.

We had a brilliant time, just the three of us. Great chats, loads of laughter. The city looked so festive and i came home feeling great but the effort post lockdown, mid winter in an period of harsh austerity was really massive. I'm trying to say it's no reflection on you, but the times.

YABU as you have no reason to feel embarrassed. All those who didn’t showed up should be ashamed of themselves.

BUT you have, at least, 30 people that cares about you. Be proud, that’s an achievement!

Happy birthday!

I had a 2nd birthday party - only fam and close friends.

17 people invited - one fam didn't turn up with just 3 hours notice which meant 5 people less.

Very annoying when you have catered and this was just a small kids party. So highly irritating when it's adults at a large event.

I invited a number of colleagues who I thought were friends to my wedding - none of them attended so decided that they weren't worth investing in as friends moving forward.... it was quite cathartic letting go!!!

Sorry this happened to you, this was a big worry of mine on a recent party I had. I over invited and landed on a nice number in the end. But for those 50 that confirmed but never turned up that's really shitty of them. We're they close friends/family?

An insane number? Look, just because you’ve got a small family and few friends doesn’t mean 30 people is an extortionate amount of people for a birthday party. You know this, this wasn’t anything more than a weird passive aggressive dig. Perhaps you should stop projecting your own insecurities onto other people, maybe you’d have more people to invite to parties?

You’d have a fucking breakdown if you saw the numbers of people we deal with at weddings at work… 400 isn’t an unusual number.

OP, this happened to me on my 18th. Lesson learned! I haven't thrown a big birthday party since then. Small gatherings with close friends are much nicer.

I have been to lots of parties and shy or organised galas/events I have never been to a party with more than 30 people.

30 IS a lot.

People have always been like this. I rented out a bar for my 21st in 2002. Out of about 40 people, maybe 10 showed up. It embarrassed me so much I have never organised a party for myself again.