Page 12 | To be embarrassed only 30 of 80+ guests turned up to my birthday party

Muddleofpud · 2022-11-27T01:48:05+00:00

Just that really, had a party this weekend, 80+ guests confirmed, only about 30 turned up. Feel embarrassed and let down. Help me get over the cringe 😩

Itstheimplication · 28/11/2022 20:51

I don’t think I’d be able to manage a guest list of 30 so you’re doing better than me!

Alaldlccmemsjzja · 28/11/2022 20:53

happy belated :)

fuck the noshows! Tbh I wish I knew 30 people

sending many well wishes for the year ahead (for you and the guests who actually want to have fun!)

GirlOfTudor · 28/11/2022 20:54

Happy belated 50th!
30 guests is far more than I could muster, including friends colleagues and family 😂
Think of it as 30 people love you enough to attend!
But shame on those who confirmed but didn't bother. That says more about them than you.
Enjoy the leftover food 😋

lilstarr99 · 28/11/2022 20:55

Same thing happened to my partner for his 40th. He had a good time though, which is the main thing. I was cross because we had paid for catering for the 90+ people that had confirmed, had a large venue etc. He was a bit upset and embarrassed at first, but after a few drinks didn’t give a shit.

People are rude, selfish and unthinking. Be thankful for the ones that came and clearly think so much of you.

Happy birthday! 🎉

eastegg · 28/11/2022 20:55

DuckWalkedUpToALemonadeStand · 27/11/2022 02:13

Happy 50th! 🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉

It's crap. People are crap. They are flaky and crap. I'm definitely not having a party for my 50th, and it's not even in the winter.

This in spades. Mine’s not far off and I owe you thanks OP for reminding me not to organise anything involving inviting people. If it helps at all, I couldn’t think of 30 people to invite.

Mummytwosons · 28/11/2022 21:02

I wish i had 30 friends to actually invite.

TheProblemIsMe · 28/11/2022 21:20

I don't even know 30 people, sounds like a good number to me.

Iamthewombat · 28/11/2022 22:39

Rude bastards.

I don’t know what goes on in people’s heads. A PP said this:

I also run a women's social group, and I know and take into account the flakey ones now. Honestly you'd think they were doing me a favour, turning up to stuff that's organised for their benefit!

That’s something I’ve noticed on MN, on the ‘AIBU to miss a social event, usually my sister in law’s party because I hate her’ threads. The utter OUTRAGE at having been invited to something. How dare they?

Quite how that translates to accepting an invitation then not turning up, I don’t know. I assume that it’s passive aggression. Avoiding saying “no thanks” to the invitation, preferring instead to accept then not turn up and hope that the no show is never mentioned.

My (controversial) view is that the people who do it don’t want others to see how fat, badly dressed and socially inept they are and lack the balls to decline the invitation when it is extended, instead making some excuse on the night - to themselves, not the host - that they think makes them look irreproachable or gives them victim status (childcare! Too tired! Need some me time!)

Hagpie · 28/11/2022 22:47

Happy belated birthday! I bet it was tough at first but you had THIRTY people get all dressed up to celebrate you. You have nothing to be embarrassed about because that just shows how wonderful you must be and I wish you many happy years and many more happy celebrations in the future.

Iamthewombat · 28/11/2022 22:50

Three of my husband’s oldest friends plus wives didn’t show at his 50th, despite RSVPing in the affirmative and making stipulations about what they would eat. And having urged him to have a party in the first place (other posters have mentioned that the people who suggest having a party often drop out or don’t turn up).

Luckily we had plenty of other guests but I still called his oldest mate to ask where he was. His wife answered and was most put out at being asked why they hadn’t arrived: some bollocks about her sister having visited and being tired. The truth is, they never wanted to come and accepted because they were too cowardly to decline. I think that they were embarrassed about not being as attractive and well-dressed as other guests and having no small talk.They lived 15 minutes away from the party venue.

One of the other drop outs came to the house for a regular activity, weeks later, and after half an hour mumbled, “the party, you know, childcare”. I said, “don’t feel bad, we just won’t invite you to anything in future”. I meant it, too.

Zipps · 28/11/2022 22:57

At least you know who your real friends are now. People are rude and pretty fake in general. We've been to three big occasions this year where quite a few of the guests didn't bother turning up.
Next special occasion go on an amazing holiday instead.

whynotwhatknot · 28/11/2022 23:19

its not about 30 being a good number its about the 50 rude fuckers who didnt even bother to text and apologise

anyway happy birthday op

Stewball01 · 29/11/2022 00:15

Happy birthday 🎂 🥳 🎉 🎈.
It's very depressing when something like that happens. Don't let it get you down. As all have said those 50 no shows are not worth you thinking about. The 30 who came are the important ones. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself and bugger the others.

Mamanyt · 29/11/2022 01:01

While you are, of course, NBU to be disappointed, your no-shows who confirmed are the ones to be embarrassed! They should have at least called you as soon as they knew they could not make it.

changeme4this · 29/11/2022 04:29

Iamthewombat · 28/11/2022 22:50

Three of my husband’s oldest friends plus wives didn’t show at his 50th, despite RSVPing in the affirmative and making stipulations about what they would eat. And having urged him to have a party in the first place (other posters have mentioned that the people who suggest having a party often drop out or don’t turn up).

Luckily we had plenty of other guests but I still called his oldest mate to ask where he was. His wife answered and was most put out at being asked why they hadn’t arrived: some bollocks about her sister having visited and being tired. The truth is, they never wanted to come and accepted because they were too cowardly to decline. I think that they were embarrassed about not being as attractive and well-dressed as other guests and having no small talk.They lived 15 minutes away from the party venue.

One of the other drop outs came to the house for a regular activity, weeks later, and after half an hour mumbled, “the party, you know, childcare”. I said, “don’t feel bad, we just won’t invite you to anything in future”. I meant it, too.

This for us too. Dropped in to see if he and DW were ok, as I wouldn’t have ever thought they wouldn’t be in contact if something got in the way.

apparently he had a bad cold the day of the luncheon, but was perfectly fine the next day when we dropped in to double check they were ok and needing farm help…

ACollectionofCells · 29/11/2022 06:12

Similarly, I once had a friend invite me and my partner over for drinks and snacks for the evening and to stay over. We lived about an hour and a half away so it was pre-arranged, booked a dog sitter, bought snacks/wine, booked night off work (I had a different job then), packed overnight bags and dropped the dogs off at the sitter's.

Less than an hour before setting off-cancelled as she 'wasn't feeling well'. inconvenient and I was suspicious as she had form! But not the end of the world.

Next day, she's on sm on a day out with other friends, looking well as ever. I am rather non-confrontational but I was growing sick of her by this point and I put a remark on one of the photos 'Feeling better then?'

I just wouldn't dream of doing that. It's nice to see that it seems neither would most on this thread!

Original poster

Muddleofpud · 29/11/2022 07:16

Loads more lovely replies, Thankyou all. Im
starting to feel a bit less embarrassed now and more annoyed. I did spend a good chunk of money on the whole thing and that’s what’s pissing me off now. Oh well, chalk it up to experience I guess, I won’t be doing any more parties, holidays sound like a much better idea! Still trying to plough through the buffet leftovers, thinking about bringing them into work and force feeding them to the no shows!

OP posts:

busymomtoone · 29/11/2022 07:20

I’m sorry this happened to you - esp if people RSVP ‘d they were coming. I totally agree that post Covid people feel nowadays there is more of an excuse to just drop out last minute. Sorry for the poster who said that happened to her in 2014 - but never did to me or any of my friends other than the very odd one. I think people have definitely become more flaky because they’ve got used to having to cancel ( coughs/ outbreaks) or using it as an excuse, but I also think social anxiety has increased massively. People want to go and then panic - equally train strikes, petrol and parking hassles all seem to make for bigger hurdles than previously ( in some minds) Either way you had 30 reliable friends who turned up to celebrate with and for you which is a lovely number - hope you had a good night despite the other no shows!

Iamthewombat · 29/11/2022 07:36

Muddleofpud · 29/11/2022 07:16

Loads more lovely replies, Thankyou all. Im
starting to feel a bit less embarrassed now and more annoyed. I did spend a good chunk of money on the whole thing and that’s what’s pissing me off now. Oh well, chalk it up to experience I guess, I won’t be doing any more parties, holidays sound like a much better idea! Still trying to plough through the buffet leftovers, thinking about bringing them into work and force feeding them to the no shows!

Actually I’d be tempted to do that: take the leftover buffet food to work and particularly offer it to the rude people, saying it turned out that we had too much food because we had no shows. Just to see what they do. They will either brazen it out, not referring to the fact that they flaked and were responsible for the leftovers, or you’ll get some whiny self-serving excuse about how tired they were, or a fictional illness preferably affecting a child.

BloodAndFire · 29/11/2022 08:35

Iamthewombat · 28/11/2022 22:50

Three of my husband’s oldest friends plus wives didn’t show at his 50th, despite RSVPing in the affirmative and making stipulations about what they would eat. And having urged him to have a party in the first place (other posters have mentioned that the people who suggest having a party often drop out or don’t turn up).

Luckily we had plenty of other guests but I still called his oldest mate to ask where he was. His wife answered and was most put out at being asked why they hadn’t arrived: some bollocks about her sister having visited and being tired. The truth is, they never wanted to come and accepted because they were too cowardly to decline. I think that they were embarrassed about not being as attractive and well-dressed as other guests and having no small talk.They lived 15 minutes away from the party venue.

One of the other drop outs came to the house for a regular activity, weeks later, and after half an hour mumbled, “the party, you know, childcare”. I said, “don’t feel bad, we just won’t invite you to anything in future”. I meant it, too.

I think that they were embarrassed about not being as attractive and well-dressed as other guests and having no small talk.

Wow, I can't imagine why they might not have felt like they wanted to come to the party of people who see them like this.

FatimaHatima · 29/11/2022 08:43

Iamthewombat · 28/11/2022 22:39

Rude bastards.

I don’t know what goes on in people’s heads. A PP said this:

I also run a women's social group, and I know and take into account the flakey ones now. Honestly you'd think they were doing me a favour, turning up to stuff that's organised for their benefit!

That’s something I’ve noticed on MN, on the ‘AIBU to miss a social event, usually my sister in law’s party because I hate her’ threads. The utter OUTRAGE at having been invited to something. How dare they?

Quite how that translates to accepting an invitation then not turning up, I don’t know. I assume that it’s passive aggression. Avoiding saying “no thanks” to the invitation, preferring instead to accept then not turn up and hope that the no show is never mentioned.

My (controversial) view is that the people who do it don’t want others to see how fat, badly dressed and socially inept they are and lack the balls to decline the invitation when it is extended, instead making some excuse on the night - to themselves, not the host - that they think makes them look irreproachable or gives them victim status (childcare! Too tired! Need some me time!)

YOU are calling other people rude? It is very easy to see why your husbands friends didn't coime to his party...they all hate you.

Iamthewombat · 29/11/2022 09:44

FatimaHatima · 29/11/2022 08:43

YOU are calling other people rude? It is very easy to see why your husbands friends didn't coime to his party...they all hate you.

Show quote history

I really, really laughed at this. Touched a nerve with you, eh?

If it makes you feel better, I can confirm that I don’t share my opinions with the subjects of them. That ‘s my take on why they behaved as they did: accepting an invitation, insisting on particular food being available then not showing up. They have no idea what I think of their weight, dress sense or social skills. So unfortunately for you, their bad behaviour is all on them.

Iamthewombat · 29/11/2022 09:48

BloodAndFire · 29/11/2022 08:35

I think that they were embarrassed about not being as attractive and well-dressed as other guests and having no small talk.

Wow, I can't imagine why they might not have felt like they wanted to come to the party of people who see them like this.

Show quote history

Then they shouldn’t have accepted, should they?

FatimaHatima · 29/11/2022 09:51

Iamthewombat · 29/11/2022 09:44

I really, really laughed at this. Touched a nerve with you, eh?

If it makes you feel better, I can confirm that I don’t share my opinions with the subjects of them. That ‘s my take on why they behaved as they did: accepting an invitation, insisting on particular food being available then not showing up. They have no idea what I think of their weight, dress sense or social skills. So unfortunately for you, their bad behaviour is all on them.

Show quote history

Touched a nerve? In what sense, exactly?

Trust me, they absolutely know what you think of them. You clearly think yourself far superior, your contempt will ooze out of you like a bad smell.
Does your husband have any friends left, since he married you? Poor man.

FancyFran · 29/11/2022 10:23

We had a family friend who always cancelled aka 'Carol the Canceller'.
She even did it on my birthday half an hour before lunch was served. Her reason? Too busy! Fast forward two years and my husband and I had moved to a large period house out of our town. Whilst eating lunch with a mutual friend I was informed Carol would be calling by later in the week to see the house. Ah no says I, I haven't seen her for nearly two years and I note that she thinks she is going to come for tour. I am not the National Trust! Never seen the bint since.
This thread has put me off holding a 60th for my DH next year. I think I'll book Rome!