To be embarrassed only 30 of 80+ guests turned up to my birthday party

[Muddleofpud]

Just that really, had a party this weekend, 80+ guests confirmed, only about 30 turned up. Feel embarrassed and let down. Help me get over the cringe 😩

Bit different- I have to arrange events for schools and the amount of people who agree to come and then let the kids down (usually day before or same day) is lamentable.
I do think there is a culture of 'can't be arsed' and it is annoying.
I'd much rather people just said they couldn't come in the first place, then we could at least make alternative plans.

Same happened to me the other week. 50ish invited. Turned up and there was less than 20.

Still had a lovely night but it did sting. Was happy that the people who did turn up where the ones I most wanted there.

I feel your pain! This happened to me on my 40th (and I have a birthday near Xmas so it’s always tricky and I often do nothing so only ask people to celebrate once a decade really!). I had two smaller gatherings for my 50th instead. I was really upset on my 40th, because a lot of people dropped out on the day and I had to cancel some of my food and drink I’d ordered. On the plus side it sorted the wheat from the chaff!

Oh hon wait until your 40th be about 10 will turn up xx

Happy Belated and I hope you don't feel disappointed in yourself! As others said people can be flaky!

I'd be grateful to the ones who did show up!

lots of love xxx :)

It's beyond rude to accept an invitation, then not bother to show up. Yes a few people might be ill on the day / babysitter lets them down, but not 50 people out of the 80 who had accepted. It's tricky, as you may have suspicions of who the flaky ones are, but it's difficult to prove

I'm surprised to see so many threads on here where people advise "Oh you don't fancy going? Just say you've got a cold!", without any consideration for the poor host who is left feeling like sh*t because so-called friends have let them down

If this continues, then people may become increasingly reluctant to host big gatherings, and that's a pity for those who would like to host / attend

It's good you're philosophical about it, no point letting it get to you. It was still a good turnout! But what excuses are people coming up with for not attending after they confirmed? I'd be reluctant to invite them again if I suspected lame bullshit.

@Chuck2015

That's the way I looked at the turn out to mine... wheat from chaff!!!

This happened at my DGM’s funeral about 10 years ago so it’s not been brought on by covid. We organised the wake for about 50. There weren’t even 50 people at the service, then at the crematorium even less. By the wake there was less than 20. 😭

Sorry OP. 💐

Yanbu. hardly anyone turned up for my baby shower. I was so upset. My best friend organised it and she held it in her house. Most of my family and my husbands family were no shows also. I felt very let down especially with the heightened pregnancy hormones! I still feel hurt, even to this day and that was 8 years ago 😔 I keep things low key now. Less of a disappointment! Big hugs x

Those numbers sound about average to be honest. I used to be a pub caterer and if someone came in planning a party we'd usually persuade them to only cater for around 50% of the numbers they were thinking of inviting. Yes some people got nervous closer to the date because so many people had accepted their invitations. There was almost always a lot of leftovers. I can't think of a single time we under-catered. I hope you enjoyed your party regardless 💐

People can be sh*t. Sorry OP and don’t feel bad I think people are just getting worse. Won’t turn up if it doesn’t suit them perfectly and won’t bother letting you know. You can count on the ones that showed up for you 😘 and happy birthday 💐 ❤️Xx

Honestly I think this is normal, every party I've ever thrown for my husband who is well liked, usually ends up with 20+ people dropping out for various reasons...illness / family commitments etc. At the end of the day people RSVP (mostly) yes with good intention but things do come up, I wouldn't take it personally. It is disappointing but at same time people don't seem to realise the effort that goes into planning and catering for a party so they sack it off last min and it's usually more to do with them than it is you. Hope you manage to enjoy it regardless and appreciate those that did turn up for you.

@notanothertakeaway

Agree!

2 days before my party I saw a friend I'd invited and asked if coming as not seen her rsvp. She just replied no, I'm going out with my husband. They live across the road from where my Do was... could have popped in for a drink on their way out/home imo.

Also my best friend who's ds's birthday is close to mine made plan's to have her ds's birthday meal the same night as my party. I'd booked my function room 10 months before my Do and joked for her to do his Do (if having one) on the Friday. She said she would. Then 2 weeks before my party she said can't make it as doing his Do the same night... only night everyone free. Turned out at the meal he'd stormed off as had an argument with his girlfriend and her sister (his aunty) had got very drunk and got so embarrassing her husband had to take her home. When she told me this I said you should have come to my Do... and do you know what she said, oh we just went for a boogie in the local nightclub on our own!!! The nightclub is an absolute dive!!! It really upset me and made me feel like I didn't matter. Now when she messages me with 'drama' I simply didn't rush to respond. You learn who your friends are don't you!

I’m sorry that happened to you. I think that these days, many people are more focused on what feels good to them in the moment than honoring their commitments. I totally get it that sometimes people really don’t feel like going out. I just think it’s really rude to say yes, then bail on the day unless it’s an emergency. Far better to really think it through and say no in the first place if that’s how they feel.

I wonder if sometimes people feel ‘forced’ to say yes to invitations when they don’t want to, because it’s a birthday or special occasion…

Either way, it says more about them than it does about you. Happy birthday!

@anotherdayanotheralias

'lame bullshit' Spot on! It sucks so much!

That’s not really the point. 80+ confirmed they were attending. 50+ couldn’t have all been ill or had baby sitter problems. Happened to my sister - at least 30 didn’t turn up but she had catered and paid for food etc. It was criminal the amount of food that was wasted. To cater for supposedly large number, venue gave her a larger room but, with 30+ not turning up, the room was too big and felt empty. It was really upsetting. If you aren’t intending to go, then tell the host that.

Well done for even knowing 80 people. Well done for 30 people in your life showing up for
you. God I’d be lucky if I had 10.

When they said they would be attending do you mean they said so on Facebook or was it official invitations. Because on fb you can usually go with about a third of the list of attendees actually showing up

Actually, I think people have changed. I teach an evenng class and I've never had no shows previously but for the last year it happens all the time. I think people just got used to staying in but it's very rude not to let you know. Though I do remember someone not turning up to my wedding because they'd 'gone shopping'.
I'm glad you still enjoyed your birthday and you will know who not to invite next time.

Dmw that is awful. Yes have def found people flaky.. I wont book tickets or stuff like that now you out pocket if they no show. Its crap as you say if you budgeted for food etc. Very rude

Happy birthday! They are the ones who should be embarrassed.

Unfortunately, people are awful. I run a lot of volunteer events and we always assume a 20% fall-off from people registered to people who actually show up. In my experience, this 20% is usually the same group who confirm and then don’t show for children’s parties, but complain when people don’t show for theirs.

At least now you know which people should be invited for your 60th.

I had a party on Saturday too OP. The constant stream of texts saying they weren’t coming was so disheartening. I had over invited as I know quite a lot of people due to the work I do and clubs etc.

There are some that didn’t show up that I have travelled to see many, many times. I’m not going to put myself out for them ever again or spend money travelling to see them.

I’m glad you had a good time 😊

Not as bad as my 27th birthday. We thought we'd booked a table for us and a few friends but when we turned up a whole room had been decorated - and hardly anyone turned up anyway. There was a small table of people in this massive room, toe curling.. 30 out of 80 sounds pretty reasonable, plus if they didn't know what your guest list was it would look fine, I think. Any more than 30 you can't really talk to everyone anyhow...

I'd struggle to get 5 that weren't family. People are flakey and rude. This is why I don't have any mates lol. No time for it.