I totally I’d rest and how disappointing that must be….however much you remind yourself how lovely it was to see those who came, there’s a nagging feeling that a large number let you down.
All I can do is reiterate that people are crap. To get a decent showing you have to send several reminders, including one on the day or very least the day before.
For large events, not everyone can be a really close friend. Those who aren’t might be colleagues, or less close friends for whom the party just isn’t a big deal. And sadly people don’t have many manners or consider that being a no-show is just so rude.
I think what happens is some really do forget. Unless they are reminded until the very last minute, because it’s not their top priority they forget, or get distracted. Some have zero idea about the effort you go to to make this happen and how much it means to you….so they are clueless and have no idea how rude it is to just no-show. Sometimes people imagine the event is very low key and their presence won’t matter one way or the other….sometimes parties are sold like this, so people really then think it’s fine to decide on the day. Unfortunately, when large numbers are no-show, it could be that something in the communication wasn’t quite clear about the nature of the party, or there wasn’t any reminder in the last few days….you shouldn’t need to…but sadly you do have to.
It will be interesting to see what the no-shows say when they see you. And how you repo d is a bit of a conundrum isn’t it. Do you breezily say ‘Oh, no worries’ and act as if you hadn’t really noticed or it didn’t matter at all? Or do you say in a light-hearted say ‘Oh, I did notice you weren’t there and hoped all was okay’ or do you comment that you wish they’d let you know? It’s a tricky one. And I’m sure you don’t want to make a thing of it, but at the same time are a bit tempted.
Personally I’ve stopped having big parties. I used to, but found them stressful, because people are flakey. The idea of it thrills me and I do know lots of people….but I’m pretty sure quite a few would tell me they’d come and then flake on me. They’d just rather do that than say they probably won’t feel like. It when it comes to it. These days, for a big birthday I might have a big meal and treat maybe 15 friends in a restaurant and have some kind of biger family BBQ or similar. Even then, some families will flake over that kind of thing.
On one level OP, it might help to think about the communication side, and when the last reminder about it went out and if you made it so low-key, people felt they didn’t need to come as it would be huge and they wouldn’t be missed. If you can spot something like that in the organisation, whilst annoying, it certainly will make it feel a bit less personal.
Hold your head high. tell people you have a wonderful time and it was so lovely to see everyone there, and that they were missed. Show god manners to those who’ve been pretty ill-mannered to you…and move-on. A party of 30 might not have been what you intended, but it’s still a special night and more than most people would manage. Perhaps by 60 people will have grown some manners!