To not stop DD playing her French Horn just because it annoys my neighbour

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

Disclaimer: There was no one more unhappy than me when, last year after DD got to pick an instrument to play at school, she picked the bloody French Horn and not something more reasonable 😂 but sometimes life throws us a child with a penchant for annoying instruments

Anyway. 9yo DD plays French horn. I spend a small fortune keeping her in peripatetic 1-2-1 lessons because she’s good. She’s got a concert in the local cathedral next month and is playing 2 Christmas songs as part of a brass group and one solo. She’s bricking it bless her. We live in an end terrace. Her room is the one at the end side of the end (ie furthest away from neighbours) so she practises in there. 30 minutes after school and then an hour on Saturdays and Sundays. Wouldn’t usually practise so much but this concert means a lot to her and she wants to do well

Anyway she was playing at 1pm today for an hour and the neighbour came banging on the door. Said he’s sick of it, it’s every day and disturbing his lie-in! I said sorry but she’s got a concert to practice for it won’t be forever. He then moaned because when we first moved in we asked him to stop playing his music at full blast (Taylor swift mainly, as if life isn’t hard enough). But he was playing it from 5pm-9pm, in his bedroom which shares a wall with my 5yo! Which he has done again tonight.

it can’t be that loud, it can barely be heard from the far room (DS’s). But WIBU to carry on as normal? It’s not unsociable hours, and it’s only for another 2 weeks.

There is compromise. The child doesn't play in an adjoining room past the neighbour's bedtime.
I just can't see why people don't see the difference between playing loud in an adjoining room past the child's bedtime and playing at the other end of the house from the neighbour during the day.

Because noise doesn’t only have to disturb sleep to be annoying?

YANBU but then you can’t also make complain about the noise they make.

YANBU, let the girl practice at the very civilised times you mentioned! If she wants to practice more hours and/or more frequently than seems possible with the kind of neighbours you have, maybe she could practice once or twice a week in the local church, or a space in a community center? Don't get me wrong, I think she should continue as she does now! But your neighbour.......when you moved in, did you go banging on his door screaming about his loud music? That's not the impression I have of your family, so maybe your neighbour is totally out of line.

I haven't read the full thread but I wouldn't see you as being unreasonable. The times and length of sessions aren't excessive and in s terrace oe semi you should accept there will be noise.

If he is asleep at 1pm maybe he is working shifts and could tell you a better time to practice.

You are lucky your daughter is dedicated to her practice. My dd has a grade 3 violin exam but doesn't practice each day.

We are lucky next door doesn't complain about the noise. Having said that their son learnt drums when he was younger, and they dogsit a little yappy dog most days now. We reise that there will be noise etc, but if there is anything unusual will say to each other.

She sounds wonderful, good on her.

The French horn is one of the most difficult instruments to master.

Your neighbour is a ignorant dickhead. He must realise its a child practicing.
My next door neighbour is a music teacher, every Saturday morning she has students over - taking lessons. Never bothers me.

Although I played the clarinet for many years in my younger days.

You should be proud of your daughter practising.

I'd say YABU since you've complained about noise from the neighbour in the past. This noise isn't any more acceptable than their past noise was. It's not magically fine because it's your child making the noise.

Side note: I've often found that people who make the most noise are the first to complain about others doing the same.

You aren't seriously suggesting that the only people who could train to be a musician MUST live in a detached house or have money to pay for a practice room? Surely you can see how absurd this is.

This. Music is elitist enough as it is.

I don’t think the practice hours quoted are unreasonable at all but I can understand your neighbour finding it tough. She will be playing the same thing over and over - and, as a learning youngster she won’t always have a great sound - but that’s why we practice. However it will be more annoying than listening to a loud radio because the quality isn’t as good and because of repetition .
I played the baritone horn at school/ equally annoying . Then switched to French horn. Rather than cart it on the bus every day I could leave it at school and practice there - just bringing it home at weekends . Is that an option ?
Unfortunately it sounds like you already had a difficult relationship with the neighbour and this is part of a bigger issue .
You need to find a way to mend bridges but don’t let your DD be discouraged from her practice.

I reckon 95% of housing in London is terraced, semi detached or flats.

London children are not to learn a musical instrument then? Ridiculous. Some of you need your bumps felt.

From your neighbor's POV, your daughter's concert isn't any more of a necessity than his music playing. She's not supporting the family with her French horn playing (yet ;-)). And the way you've arranged your house (with a 5 year old's bedroom next to a party wall) isn't his fault.

Your daughter learning an instrument is just as much a hobby at this point as his enjoyment of recorded music. Maybe she'll go on to be a professional musician, maybe she'll continue as a passionate amateur, and I think that's great! I devoted years of my life to learning my instrument and it's a wonderful, life-enriching thing. But so is enjoying recorded music, even if it's not to YOUR taste.

You're displaying a stunning lack of empathy to your neighbor. Your musical tastes are important, your daughter's hobby is important, your decision to put the 5 y.o. next to a party wall is important--in your view. You don't seem to see his choices are equally valid, because they aren't the same as yours.

You were totally reasonable to ask him to turn down loud music that you could hear in your house. He is equally reasonable to ask you to not have someone honking on a loud brass instrument every single day when he can hear it in his house. Legally you're not doing anything unreasonable, but then neither was he. Morally are you being a bit of a self-righteous dick to your neighbor and could stand to think about things from his POV, rather than judging that his tastes and activities are inferior to yours and therefore less important? Mmmmmmm.

As a fellow Brass instrument player you are definitely not being unreasonable 😊
A practice mute might be a good idea though just to give him no cause for complaint!!

Yes you're being unreasonable, you have to be considerate of your neighbours if you live in a terraced house.

I grew up in a terraced house, DB was a keen pianist and then organist, practiced on our piano a lot. Other DB and I both learned the violin for periods of time. DF was in a choir and choral society and would practice his tenor line.
We were considerate of the neighbours - we did it during the daytime, not in the evening when it might possibly interfere with neighbours relaxation and definitely not early morning or bedtimes.

Thank you! Love Flanders & Swann

For an instrument such as that, I would suggest any hours between 10:30am to say 4pm is fine, maybe 5pm but that would be latest just to give people time to wind up for the day and wind down. In between these hours if someone works shifts and they would prefer alternate you could work together.

our Neighbour is inconsiderate and considers her son playing his electric guitar past 8:30pm in a room that neighbours my young DC fine.

I had thought people had lost their common sense, reading your post my faith has been restored, thank you for being decent and good luck to your concert.

YABU… but only for thinking that Taylor Swift is shit 🤣🤣🤣

Because my DD isn’t playing next to his bedroom wall late at night. Can’t believe people can’t see the difference!

Oh they can. But they either just like being goady and ridiculous, or they are the CFs (there are many of them) that think that it is their absolute right to play extremely loud recorded music for long periods of time just because it's not after 11pm or before 7am.

Often this coincides with thinking that children making any noise, let alone the practising of actual musical instruments for a finite period of the daytime, should get lost. And not want to sleep.

(Btw how do these people think their favourite bands learnt to sing and play instruments in the first place, by the way... oh... they don't think do they?)