To not stop DD playing her French Horn just because it annoys my neighbour

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

Disclaimer: There was no one more unhappy than me when, last year after DD got to pick an instrument to play at school, she picked the bloody French Horn and not something more reasonable 😂 but sometimes life throws us a child with a penchant for annoying instruments

Anyway. 9yo DD plays French horn. I spend a small fortune keeping her in peripatetic 1-2-1 lessons because she’s good. She’s got a concert in the local cathedral next month and is playing 2 Christmas songs as part of a brass group and one solo. She’s bricking it bless her. We live in an end terrace. Her room is the one at the end side of the end (ie furthest away from neighbours) so she practises in there. 30 minutes after school and then an hour on Saturdays and Sundays. Wouldn’t usually practise so much but this concert means a lot to her and she wants to do well

Anyway she was playing at 1pm today for an hour and the neighbour came banging on the door. Said he’s sick of it, it’s every day and disturbing his lie-in! I said sorry but she’s got a concert to practice for it won’t be forever. He then moaned because when we first moved in we asked him to stop playing his music at full blast (Taylor swift mainly, as if life isn’t hard enough). But he was playing it from 5pm-9pm, in his bedroom which shares a wall with my 5yo! Which he has done again tonight.

it can’t be that loud, it can barely be heard from the far room (DS’s). But WIBU to carry on as normal? It’s not unsociable hours, and it’s only for another 2 weeks.

This^ I'd be tempted to go round with a box of biscuits and a note from your daughter saying thank you for the tolerance I'm really nervous about the concert and want to do my best.

I do see where he's coming from if you've complained about noise before though I agree the times she's practising at seem reasonable. It's probably the noise itself plus the fact it's the same songs on repeat if she's practicing for that event. Could she go to someone else's house to practice a few times so it's not in your house every day? The muffle sounds good because I'm sure she'll have other things that will come up after this. Does her school have a room she should use after class before going home maybe on weekdays?

Why not? I found it fine when I needed to use it.

Did you use it for the French horn?

The hours your DD are practicing sound reasonable. Unfortunately, so were the hours at which he was playing music. I think you really shot yourself in the foot by complaining about him.

Not unreasonable at all. If she was doing it at 7am or at 23pm it would be.
How great she is so enthusiastic about an instrument and wants to practice. All the best for her concert!

Could she learn some Taylor Swift songs and add them to her repertoire as a peace offering?

Lol. A bit rich asking him to turn off Taylor Swift but expecting him to put up with the French horn. For that alone YABU.

It was because when I put my DS to bed at 8pm Taylor Swift was blasting out so loud it sounded like it was on in his room. I don’t think that’s ok when you have a shared wall

A practice mute will not help for tone production, but does not affect pitching the note correctly. It’s something to use if necessary, but I used to practice at school or in the church (luckily given a key by the vicar) across the road so the neighbours weren’t annoyed!
By the time I reached grade 8 I was doing 2 hours a day, so needed a space away from people whenever possible!

He played it full blast at night next to a shared wall.

If he’d done it at 1pm and 4pm like DD does I wouldn’t care.

And unless he’s practising for a Taylor Swift record playing competition I don’t think the causes are the same.

Your neighbour is being unreasonable/ Keep it going. Amazing instrument to play.
Does she sing??? Have you thought of choristerships ??

He won’t care about the cause, though. Your daughter’s concert is important to her and to you but meaningless to your neighbour: daily French horn doesn’t get less annoying because it’s someone else’s passion.

Sadly she can’t carry a tune which is a shame as she loves the arts! She just pours her energy into that horn instead 🤣

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet yes it will, you can't get the depth and modulations with a mute. If she was terrible at it, maybe, but she's not; using a mute is not exactly supporting her efforts.

Yes, that’s a mute for French horn. There are mutes for all brass instruments, even tuba. But they are all different shapes and sizes, so important to get the right one.

But I’m saying it’s not the same - it’s not less important just because the neighbour doesn’t give a shit. It’s a necessity to us, it’s not a necessity to him. And for his song playing it was more the unsociable hours I was bothered aboit

It’s noise - the concert, cause or passion is completely irrelevant.

You don’t like noise at 6pm and he doesn’t like noise at 1pm. You deserve each other.

That’s what I’m worried about. She listens really carefully to how she plays and (apparently, I wouldn’t notice) boys the odd bum note so starts again, I wouldn’t want that to be harder for her

I don’t think that’s ok when you have a shared wall

It sounds like you weren't happy to have Taylor Swift but think your neighbour should just suck it up because he is a grown up.

Maybe he likes a nap in the afternoon? He is entitled to want some peace.

There's a rule in Germany about not making noise on a Sunday. It seems sensible that people can expect quiet time.

Can't you just get the mute to use sometimes at least? Is there a music practice room at school she could use?

Does your neighbour work at night ?

I don’t like the Taylor Swift at 9pm. 6pm is not a problem.

I was sympathetic until you wrote that.

The noise your child makes isn't any more worthy than the noise he makes. You're both noisy and annoying other people.

And there's nothing wrong with normal noise at 9pm. Most adults are awake at that time. Your idea of normal hours doesn't trump his idea of normal hours just because you have kids.

Actually, the Taylor Swift would have been less annoying because it would definitely be in tune and not broken up. You know yourself that practising with an instrument doesn't always sound amazing - that's the point of practice! You start and stop and the notes aren't always right.

If you want to be reasonable, you should both have a civilised conversation of when you both think noisy hours/days should be. There's a compromise to be had, e.g. 2pm to 6pm on both sides.

Can she practice at school? I used to stay after school and use the practice rooms.
I’m not excusing the neighbour, but it would by better if she was able to practice stress free.

I don’t think so, he’s always in but I don’t hear him during the day usually

Brass player here- a mute is a good idea though it does affect how the instrument feels and can also make intonation (making sure you’re not slightly sharp or flat) a bit trickier. Developing intonation is a really important skill that takes years, so honestly if she’s quite a new player I’d say neighbour will have to put up with at least some unmuted playing.

I wonder if DD’s teacher has mutes of their own that she could try out? Teacher might also be able to help her get used to the difference when playing with a mute.