To not stop DD playing her French Horn just because it annoys my neighbour

[LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet]

Disclaimer: There was no one more unhappy than me when, last year after DD got to pick an instrument to play at school, she picked the bloody French Horn and not something more reasonable 😂 but sometimes life throws us a child with a penchant for annoying instruments

Anyway. 9yo DD plays French horn. I spend a small fortune keeping her in peripatetic 1-2-1 lessons because she’s good. She’s got a concert in the local cathedral next month and is playing 2 Christmas songs as part of a brass group and one solo. She’s bricking it bless her. We live in an end terrace. Her room is the one at the end side of the end (ie furthest away from neighbours) so she practises in there. 30 minutes after school and then an hour on Saturdays and Sundays. Wouldn’t usually practise so much but this concert means a lot to her and she wants to do well

Anyway she was playing at 1pm today for an hour and the neighbour came banging on the door. Said he’s sick of it, it’s every day and disturbing his lie-in! I said sorry but she’s got a concert to practice for it won’t be forever. He then moaned because when we first moved in we asked him to stop playing his music at full blast (Taylor swift mainly, as if life isn’t hard enough). But he was playing it from 5pm-9pm, in his bedroom which shares a wall with my 5yo! Which he has done again tonight.

it can’t be that loud, it can barely be heard from the far room (DS’s). But WIBU to carry on as normal? It’s not unsociable hours, and it’s only for another 2 weeks.

I think for the next couple of weeks she should stay back at school a couple of days a week and you should ask the neighbour what time at the weekend suits him.

I lay in yesterday until late. Because I worked late Friday. A French horn would've had me crying

To be fair, he could work night shifts for all we know. In which case I'd be fairly miffed myself

Have you asked him what time would be more suitable for him? I think a little give and take is required here otherwise you're going to end up resenting each other, which isn't conducive for comfortable living.

@LydiaBennetsUglyBonnet

I was with you until this and your subsequent responses

But I’m saying it’s not the same - it’s not less important just because the neighbour doesn’t give a shit. It’s a necessity to us, it’s not a necessity to him. And for his song playing it was more the unsociable hours I was bothered about

You don't get to judge, from your OP he's complained about being woken on weekend, it's not your place to be a judgypants about why he's in bed at 1pm.

You complained about noise because your DS couldn't sleep and he was reasonable, he complained about noise because he can't sleep and you're judging him and refusing to compromise. Get your DD to practise at 3 / 4 5 pm and problem solved.

I used to stay and practice at school during the week to avoid annoying the neighbours all the time. I still practiced at home at weekends and in the holidays, but at least it was less relentless for them. Honestly I don't think practicing every day at home is sustainable, it would do my head in as a parent let alone a neighbour.

As others have said, you shot yourself in the foot when you complained about the music. We had similar neighbours who moaned about our newborn crying at night (🙄) but played drum and bass really loudly all the time. The hypocrisy made me so mad.

Seriously why is it being a "lazy fucker" to be in bed at 1pm after working til 4am and then having a wind down and a bite to eat and going to bed about 5.30?

🤣🤣🤣

I don't think it's ok to regularly disturb your neighbour with instrument practicing. It's just antisocial.

If you had asked me to be quiet , I had complied, and then you inflicted a child playing a musical instrument on me I would be seriously cheesed off with you. I would probably put Taylor Swift on at the exact moment the horn piped up and keep it on until the exact moment it stopped. Every single time it started. YABVVU.

Mumsnet is bonkers sometimes. How is playing music full blast for 4hrs next to shared wall the same as a child practicing one hour a day at the other end of the house? Our neighbour plays a brass instrument...I'm not sure what, but we live in a terrace and whilst we can hear it, it's no way comparable to having music played at full blast.
Can your DS sleep in another room, whilst your neighbour is retaliating? I also suspect environmental health with a noise meter would find the neighbours noise more problematic.

Have you ever heard a child play a musical instrument. Op says up thread that her daughter can't carry a tune so it's unlikely she is a budding musical genius. It is a uniquely terrible part of the childhood years, particularly if it isn't your child and you have thin walls

What she thinks she sounds like and what the neighbour is actually hearing are 2 entirely different things Op.

Playing the French horn is a lovely hobby to have, but in no known universe is it a necessity.

A French horn is not normal noise, it's intrusive. If you want your daughter to play that instrument then you can't expect your neighbour to be considerate when he wants to play his music at 9pm {which isn't late). If the shared wall thing bothers you that much then move your daughter into a different bedroom.

I'm right with you that DD is fine to practise as much as she is. I just wonder if for him 1pm is the equivalent of 6am. How about asking him what time he gets up and suggesting DD plays then. Like maybe 3pm?

Our neighbours son was in a band and practised with his mates in the garage on the opposite side of their house from us. Our houses are detached but we still heard it really loud. I just decided we needed to ignore it until lockdown when we were WFH and it was 2pm every day - right when I often had meetings. I spoke to the mum and she just got him to play a bit later. Easy.

And now my DC plays in a band and sometimes has practices at our house I'm glad I didn't object because now they have to put up with our noise!

Also. As others have said. Acoustics are odd. You don't know how it sounds in his house.

Hearing kids practicing any instrument warms my heart. Your daughter was playing during reasonable hours. Surely if the neighbour was sleeping due to working nights he would’ve mentioned that.

I categorise learning an instrument as part of daily noise (I live in a terrace, there will be noise, I’d rather hear a French horn than my next door neighbour’s yelling at her kids who are dangling each other out of the windows).

We did line my son’s room with sponge tile baffling (played bass, drums, trumpet) just as a courtesy, and he always practiced with pads on his drums & his bass connected to headphones, but that was because at the time we lived next to a violent, volatile arse & didn’t to give him any ammunition for another threat (and he wondered why he did time for GBH against a copper, the bastard). We also have a piano that’s against an inner wall so not directly connected to a party wall.

I also have aural synaesthesia (my brain makes all sound colourful) & get overwhelmed by lots of noise, so I stick on headphones, because it’s my issue to resolve. Not the fault of a kid learning to play an instrument!

There are so many benefits to learning an instrument and it’s a shame that even other parents on here would complain about a child practicing.

Wishing your daughter well with her concert.

Your daughter is obviously talented and should be allowed to practise at those times. It is admirable that she is practising because she wants to and n bec you are forcing her to. Long may it continue and you will be very proud parents at her concert. All that being said, the French Horn can be a very loud instrument so the idea of a practise mute is a goofy one. Also, would she be able to practise.at school occasionally?

My neighbour hired the village hall, opposite my house, to practice with her band. They are very good but it was during the extremely hot weather and all the doors and windows were open at our house and the village hall. I used to love 'Sweet home Alabama'. It did grate a bit 20 times in a row over 3 nights. Practice is just that Op. Playing the same bit of the same thing over and over again.Its not the sane as a beautiful piece of music played once by someone who does it professionally.

OP: Am I being unreasonable?

Also OP: No I'm not!

Love these threads.

Also blasting music for 4hrs in retaliation for a kid playing a French horn for an hour is arsehole behaviour. And it doesn’t matter if a kid isn’t good, it’s the learning experience that’s important. And I’d much rather hear teens forming bands in their garages than being pickpocketed by feral teens at our local shops, breaking newly planted trees, riding their bikes inside the shops, verbally abusing elderly & disabled people (all of which happen locally, the parents just let their kids out & then bitch because the Police are at their doors again).

Every song your hear involves musicians who spent hours in their rooms practicing. Lizzo learned the flute as a kid & practiced in her home. No one starts out as an accomplished musician, it’s all about the practice. Whether a kid is good or not doesn’t matter.

Said he’s sick of it, it’s every day and disturbing his lie-in!

The compromise to me would appear to be practice sometimes at home at full volume, sometiesm with the muffle in, sometimes at school (if she can) - so it's not all or nothing.

In paticular, maybe weekends are the days to practice with the muffle. Leaving her the rest of the week to practice without.

I categorise learning an instrument as part of daily noise (I live in a terrace, there will be noise, I’d rather hear a French horn than my next door neighbour’s yelling at her kids who are dangling each other out of the windows).

Yes, this. I've encountered neighbour noise (radio and shouting in their gardens as I said earlier) and compared to neighbours since who rehearsed piano and violin. I know which I prefer.

Said he’s sick of it, it’s every day and disturbing his lie-in!

Of course it's every day if it's an instrument and she wants to do well and improve.

Also I think, as to the post 1pm lie-in, that a pp expressed it better as 'lazy fucker' quite frankly. Unless he works nights, but then it's probably to use earplugs if you need to sleep during the day.

You clearly think you're not being unreasonable so not sure why you posted.

If I were you I'd stop. I suspect that Taylor might start to make a reappearance as he listed to you when you asked him to turn the sound down, but you have not had the courtesy to do the same for him.